I have been writing this story and editing it for the past few weeks. I would like some opinions on it. (yes, I know my spelling isn't that good.) oh and sorry about the length. You don't have to read all of it.


There are signs of great evil rising to power in the west. What was once a great country is now falling into the hands of corruption. A great war will soon begin and only one person can end it. It was midmorning as Demetrius walked his dog down the sidewalk. The sidewalk was blanketed in leaves and the sky looked as if it had been painted by an artist. To a normal person this cool and silent morning would seem no different than any other but in a desolate and forgotten corner of the earth an army was gathering, an army of darkness with only one cause, the eradication of Cydonia. Already many things have happened, the dark creatures that had once lurked in the shadows waiting for the day when all things moral and good would come crashing down now walk the earth searching out victims and leaving destruction in their path. As Demetrius walked down that cold and lonely sidewalk he had no idea that his life was about to take a dramatic turn and that he would become great.
“Hey mom I’m home!” Demetrius had just finished walking his dog. He went up to his room. Now his room was huge, the walls of his room were lined with hundreds of books and he had numerous shelves full of many strange items. He also had a small TV above his door, although he never used it. Today, however he decided to use it. The first thing that was on when he turned on the TV was the news. They were talking about some murder in Amon bay. There were a lot of rumors of spirits and demons terrorizing the public while others said that the apocalypse was coming. Demetrius didn’t know if the rumors were true but there did seem to be a lot of things happening lately. It seemed like an hour before the mail came, although when watching TV three hours can seem like only thirty minutes. His mom was asleep on the couch so he went to get the mail. As he was looking through the mail he noticed something strange. The one letter addressed to him. He didn’t know anyone who would want to write to him (except for his aunt whom he hated) but he could not recognize this handwriting. Amazingly he opened it without any thought of what could be in it. It read:
Dear Demetrius,

You are probably wondering why we are writing to you. We can’t say due to the fact that this letter could be intercepted at any time along its trip. You may not know it but there are people out there that would do any thing to get their hands on you. You need to follow the directions in this letter if you want to end this war and see new lands. If not then toss away this letter and we will bother you no more. I am telling you now that if you decide to come then you should know that the fate of the world rests in your hands. Do not disregard this letter as a fake although we wouldn’t blame you. Come at your own risk.
Sincerely,
R.F
P.S, you might want to bring a weapon and some other items like food with you.


He looked at the second paper and it was a detailed map to the city of shadows in north Cydonia. The map showed a pathway through the mountains encircling his home town, Tutus Locus, the safe city. It was very safe indeed, surrounded by mountains on all sides except one that was guarded by a huge fortress. Demetrius had to sneak out of the city because no one was allowed to leave without permission.
It was the next day and Demetrius had to get ready for school. School in Cydonia was amazing. All the technology they had and the people of Cydonia were geniuses building anything they pleased. The only thing he didn’t like about his school was that every one hated him. He was the school nerd. He had strait A’s (which was nearly imposable to do) and he sometimes was very clumsy. Unfortunately they were supposed to do a report over the weekend but he completely forgot about it. This wouldn’t be the first time he didn’t do any of his homework. The day was rough, he got in so much trouble that he didn’t get to have fun at all that day. Instead he had to write the entire report in one day or he would be held back. By the end of the day he managed to finish it, but barely. Later that day he was watching the news looking for anything about the war when they said something about a nearby town. It had been burned down and there were no bodies left after the fire. It was like they were all killed and then gathered up. Who ever was doing this was looking for some one. He knew it had to be him. His only hope was to run away, but to where? This question troubled him for a moment and then he remembered the letter. He knew following the directions on the map could be a bad idea but either way he would be killed. He decided to go but it would be dangerous with all the wild animals and there were many ancient terrors lurking in the darkest parts of the world. He would leave the next day.
It was around 3:00 in the morning when he was awoken by a sudden shriek. It was a shrill cry that chilled his bones. Where it was coming from he did not know. He looked out his window to see a fire in the distance. It was them, the enemy. He had to leave but he couldn’t because what if they saw him? He feared what they would do to him if they found him. He dressed himself and took all the food he could with him. He also grabbed a knife just incase. He rushed out the door just as his home suddenly went up in flames. He stood staring for a moment when he saw something move with in the flame. He saw it stop for a moment and look at him. This thing was extremely tall and thin with an unnatural darkness around it. It seemed to hover in that one spot. He could not see a face for this was kept hidden from him but he could make out what seemed like eyes at the time. He was frozen with fear, this thing moved toward him. It moved like a shadow and didn’t make a sound. He finally got the urge to run and was out of there in an instant. He ran past burning homes and dead bodies when at last he reached the river. He took one of the boats and went downstream. He could see the fire back in the town killing people and destroying everything he once knew and loved. He had no choice now; he must go into the wilderness and travel to the city of shadows. The river would carry him downstream to the northern boarder; from there he would try and pass through the surrounding mountains. It would be a perilous journey; the mountains were unforgiving and cold. If he managed the pass through alive there was no telling what other sinister things lye ahead. Demetrius was Cydonia’s only hope, thus the path of the one was set.