Help?

[c h i -LOV3]

Okay - I might as well say this while I'm here.

I don't take any medication and I don't want to. If you're here to tell me that, then go away.

I've never gone to counseling, I'm too people shy.


I'm severly depressed, I've attempted suicide 3 times ( once I cut in the wrong place, and the next two times I didn't cut deep enough. And yes, I tried the 'across the street, not down the lane' method - didn't work. The last time I cut was 3 years ago, but I still have serious urges to do it - I think I'm addicted to that free feeling you get when you begin to bleed. Not that I'm saying, Do it! It feels great!, I'm just saying that I think I'm addicted because pain, for me, is tickelish.

I made a promise to a bunch of people never to try that again, so no worries.

But what should I do, besides take drugs and cut more, to help ease the pain when I fall into that abyss? Any suggestions are loved.

Be nice, this is a deep subject for me... redface  

[c h i -LOV3]

or not...  

[Rune Wraith]

I wish I had an answer for you... I can't really relate to the feeling you describe. My depression is a quiet thing, not one that demands there to be pain or action. Mine is the kind of depression where you just... lay down and don't get back up again.

The only thing I can suggest would be therapy and medication, but as you are shy, and don't want meds, I'm not sure what else to say about it. People shy is understandable... but a good therapist can work around that. They won't push you... you can open to them in your own time.

Just hang in there, I guess. You're not alone.  

[ObscureEnigma]

Try to research why you are depressed. Ask yourself what is wrong with your life. Take some time to research the problem, then you may realize why you feel that way. Then, you will find your own cure that is independent of therapy and medication. That is sort of what I do.  

[The Land And Water]

I have the same problem, and I know it sucks. I guess you should first ask yourself 'Why am I depressed?' and 'How is it affecting me?' When I did that I realized how badly it was affecting me and how much more it was making me depressed. My next suggestion would be is talk it over to somebody you trust greatly. I have talked to two of my friends about it and talking has helped me greatly since they understand me too. If those two don't work, maybe try something to get your mind off it? Like music or art.

Sorry, if those didn't help.  

[HallucenigenicA-ComaSAK]

i've never actually tried going all the way but i have experimented I suppose i tried the whole "why am i depressed (if i am)" i didn't get anywhere but that's just my mind, i think your best bet like people have been saying is talk to a really close friend, that's what i woudl do if i could . . . but i think what really stopped my cycle (if it really has ended) is taking an apathetic view of life; if i dont care it can't hurt me . . . but that's just me . . .  

[- symphonic disaster -]

I don't know if will really help you but since I had some experience in this area I might know. You could try writing in a journal, or doing something artistic. Try not to be too apathetic because you may come off as cold to others. I know I've cut before but I quite a few months ago because I was afraid people at school would know. I also know that you don't want to take medication.

The medication can help you even if you don't want to take it. I know that it has worked for me and I still resent it but if I go without it I don't function. I just hope this helped. If anything, you need to talk to someone.

PM me if you need anything else, or if you just want to talk about something. I'll be checking back at least every other day.

It's ok, if you got through it last time you can get through it again. Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.  

[Reptiliac]

will the flood behind me?

Here's the thing, I'm like you.
I'm a recovering cuttie, and I still do it occassionally.
I don't do it for the feeling, or the pain, or anything.
I do it 'coz the idea that it if it helps others cutting, that it can't help me.
Why do I do it then? I don't know, I just do. Deal.

But, lately I've been the kind of person to just sit, and not think.
Do stare into nothing and grasping it with my bare fists.
I'm the suicidle person in the school that nobody really notices, but knows they're there.
What gets me is that would people really miss me?
Sure, the next few months, or year, but their lives go on.
That's why I've tried suicide so much. (5 times to be exact, all starting when I was 12, and I'm 16 now.)

I wonder if just reading this you'll be able to better understand yourself?
Probably not.

put out the fire inside?

 

[starblazer66]

I'll be frank w/ you. Don't try drugs. It's not fun and you will regret it while feeling sick to your stomach. It worse when you are forced to take ipecac syrup to induce vomiting. You will hate it.

I'm merely speaking from experience. All of what I said happened to me and I overdosed twice. I resolved not to try it again, even when I'm tempted to do it.  

[ObscureEnigma]

Yeah, this problem seems to be a bit of a doozy. Have you ever wondered why you felt the way that you do? Is there any real reason for it in your mind? Perhaps finding those answers will help you out a little.  

[Mina Synester]

i know how u feel and i did the same thing. whats worse is when u have to pretend to be fine to your family because you can't stand how it hurts them. the last time i told them how i felt was about 2 years ago and i've been depressed since i was 12. we decided i should perhaps try medication, but it suddenly hit me "i dnt wanna b 15 and on medication" and i said that to myself over and over again, i'm not entirely happy now but its been better and i dnt hurt myself anymore becasue everytime i feel the need i just tell myself No. it gets hard to do and sometimes it doesnt work but seriously try it.