My life...suffering inside

[Michikoyama]

I think that with all of the stress, I think too much. Whenever I think, I think about my past experiences. The past experiences when I hurt too many people. I have suffered so much that could last me a life time. And I'm only 17... I've been thinking a lot lately and about certain people that I care about very much and I still think that I'm in the middle of everything that goes on around me. I don't think that I should...do what other people tell me to do, but yet I think I do. I just can't stop thinking about the painful memories that I have. Evertime something good happens to me, something or someone just changes that to where it's unreachable and I am unable to change it back to how is was. I just wnat one good thing in my life and evertime it happens it goes away to where I can't get it back or I just can't have it and I have to watch in the shadows, like i never exsisted... I just want something that won't go away and stay with me for however long it can. Just long enough for me to enjoy the feeling that everone else is to enjoy and experiece. I just don't want to be left behind in the dark, while everthing else moves forward and never notices that I'm still there waiting for them to come back and get me...

I'm still waiting...
Though it may not look like it on the ouside...
I'm still waiting on the inside...
I can't see anymore...
Please, someone save me...
I may not look like it on the outside...
I'm dieing on the inside...
I need someone to hold me...
To keep me safe...
I may not look like it on the outside...
I'm afraid on the inside...
I need someone to care...
I may not look like on the outside...
But I'm suffering on the inside...
I need warmth...
I need someone to love...
I need...
Love...

I'm suffering from being alone...


This is basically how I feel summed up into what you see now. I just...I just don't want to suffer anymore. I think I listen to my heart too much. So most of the time I don't listed to my heart for fear if I do...I'll hurt more people. But lately I have been listening to it more and more and I feel like I'm being selfish...I never lie and I never intentionally hurt anyone. But I guess that is my destiny. To be alone and never loved...ever. I don't like being alone, but if that is what I am to be then so be it...I'll just watch everthing in the shadows. I won't intervene...I won't do anything anymore...I'll stay in the shadows of the people that I care for, so that they won't have to bother with me anymore...I'll be...out of everone's way so that I can't mess anything up anymore for them... I'll just fade away and slowly, eventually, never be even thought of... Though I don't want to be alone... I just want to be loved and cared for...  

[JustSomeThing]

I know hearing this from someone like me, at my age, is the last thing you'll care about...But it sounds similar to what I feel. I never want to say I understand, especially in this situation. I think deeply a lot too. Like about life, and really, really hard about why something can be bad or enjoyable. Hard to describe. I know it's probably completely different from what you're talking about, and I don't want to make this thread about me at all.
But that piece you made is, what I believe, beautiful. I guess that's all I can say for now; or at least what I think I have the right to talk about.
All else I can say is, I really hope things get better for you. I know, that doesn't help one bit. But...It's the thought that counts?  

[Michikoyama]

No. It helped some. ^^ Thank you.  

[Little Nightmare]

I know exactly what you're going through. I'd try and help, but I have the same problem.  

[forgot my medicine]

if i had a dollar for every kid there is like you, i'd have a dollar for every person in the world. well, gotta go, too much being awesome to do!  

[Akvan Ren]

Umm...I don't want to be rude, but don't your parents love you you? can't that love fill your void? And your friends as well, they must show you some kind of appreciation.  

[ObscureEnigma]

As strange as this may seem, but I also feel the way that you do. Perhaps about something different of course, but it seems that you cannot do enough for the people around you, yes? At times, I have that feeling. Well, I have advice for you. Keep trying. Don't give up. People do love you. I understand that it may not seem like they do, but trust me, they love you more than anything. They would give their lives just to see you alive. Just express these feelings to your friends and family. I promise that at least one person will reach out and try to help. Believe me. This week, the only thing that I have been thinking about is giving up, but that is not a great option. There are so many opportunities in your life. Go for them. I promise that you will find someone.  

[Muffybabe]

umm... ok, i really dont want to sound too nasty but there really are people out there who are worse off than you or me... by the age of 20, i had been kicked out of 3 homes, my boyfriend of 3yrs dumped me in the middle of my HSC, and most of my friends were too busy with their boyfriends to give me the time of day.... I lost my first son at 32 weeks old ( my boyfriend and i got back together)... i decided then and there that there is no point dwelling on the past too much, i am still a grieving mother but I have moved on.I married my boyfriend(the father) and i now have another son who is happy and healthy, my life is great now.... there is always someone worse off than us and there is always someone out there to love you, you have your whole life ahead of you... don't waste it feeling bad about things you may have done, or feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and find some new friends.... have fun while you are still young... life is the most precious thing that we have, its not worth wasting it!!!!

Hope you feel better soon. heart heart heart  

[Merrin Spicer]

Meh. I feel that way sometimes as well. My life is usually this: 1 step forward, 30 steps backward. It is sometimes ridiculous, but I just get over it. I can do what I can, you know?  

[ObscureEnigma]

You do what you can, and that is all that you can do. It is always good to try to do more each day, but if you fail, one should not worry about it. Make some goals for yourself in life, but do not make them so high that you know that you will fail. Know your limitations. Besides, life has its ups and downs. It will get better, and it may get worse.  

[Merrin Spicer]

I hear that. My life has been bipolar. One moment, it is great. Another, it sucks. Of course, I feel as though I am coming on the crest of the wave. I have accomplished a lot this year, and I am going to spend the last month(s) of school celebrating.  

[ObscureEnigma]

Yes. Life has been great, although my friend is a bit depressed about her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend junk. She confuses me rather easily, actually. I am growing fond of her, but yeah, she is dealing with a rather controlling boyfriend... then again, you can't really help that situation very much.  

[Anabethe]

i felt that way before but i feel a bit better now. not being mean or anything but one of the things i hate is when people tell me dont worry or dont compare yourself to the other people around you and then the same person says other people are worse off. I consider that as comparing yourself to someone whose worse off. kinda confuses me at times. This is how i look at it your feelings are yours no one elses. i find that if you compare yourself to someone whose worse off your also going to compare yourself to someone whose better off. in the end your going to feel crappy again.
pleasee dont flame me or anything just sharing my opinion. sweatdrop
p.s i hope you feel better.  

[Pain-Glory 666]

I know where you are coming from, 2 of my cats had to be put to sleep, they where my best-est of friends, also I could never find love, it is like I am ignored like common trash, I used to go to the 2 cats that I talked about earlier, but now I smoke off the depression from loneliness and stuff, but that makes it worse now.
I am now maniacally depressed and there is now outlet, but I know that there is hope somewhere, so I choose to hang on a little longer, thank you for your time I hope this post has been helpful and best of luck in the ridding of your depression