Pain

[Godsmacks_Voodoo_Doll]

VirginSnake

lol *read what El_chico replied* Escape reality.. I don't even live in reality accourding to my grandparents, friends, mother, father...

My escape is my writing and the world that is in my head...

I am stuck in that world nearly 24/7... and I like it that way... I come out here and there but even then I bet you ten to one there is something that will either make me think on it or I am already thinking on it as I do other things...

It's funny how many times... in my writing and world... My characters... that are a part of me... I a part of them... how many Times I have died and comitted suicide with in the walls of thought... How many scenes of pain worse then my own so that I have less of a reason to say I am hurting... I am sadistic... and Masocistic(sp?) in mind... The things I do in my storys.. I'd never be able to do in real life... that's why I do, do them in my storys....

I have yet to find my happiness... no I lost my happiness... amazingly it involves a girl... and a boy... The pain from the boy has always been there the girl.. just recently said goodbye... of course they are not the only givers of pain...

That's exactly like me. Parents need to leave you alone when you're in this time, otherwise you'll explode. [Actually, that's just what I do sweatdrop ] All of the characters in my stories are a part of me, and something in each of them came from me.  

[AgentPingoX69Oo]

When I was in my total depression, I blocked myself from any person who ever made my anger or depression worse. I also made a world for myself that I went to daily, sometimes for hours, sometimes throughout the full day. I loved that world. I was flawless, though full of pain that made others mystified and intrigued by what I was I was hiding from them. It gave me a sense of control, a sense of flawlessness, of people admiring who I was in my world even with my secret pain. That was my escape, and it really helped me. I still had it even during therapy, in which time I was confronting my painful past and the reason for my depression. I thought of suicide numerous times, and was cutting and binging and purging, which was how I ended up in therapy. The self mutilation helped with my control but it was a dangerous route, and my other world really helped a great deal for overcoming it.

I also spent a lot of time writing, mostly poems, but I would write other things as well. I especially read. It's my favourite way of leaving reality behind for a few hours, where I can be absorbed in another story. Comedy movies helped a great deal as well. Pretty much anything that dulled the pain (though not avoiding it) and made life a bit more tolerable.

I also spend time thinking of things to be greatful for. Like cold, fresh water, the sound of rain, the smell of the air early in the morning or right after a heavy rainful, the sound of birds chirping, a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the way the sun streams in through small spaces throught the trees in a forest, the way cool water feels so refreshing on a hot day, having transportation, high quality medicine, fresh, safe food, etc. It really makes me feel lucky regardless of my pain.  

[[ Iceheart queen ]]

I can relate.

My life feels so devoid. I pray every day, and I try to go on. My Mother thinks it's all an act, that it's all in my head, but I don't feel like it is. I have my own world, and if I am in there, I'm safe. It's a nice place to be, but I am sometimes too aware of reality.

I am scared, sometimes, of how listless I and dull I feel. It's scary, realizing that you could kill yourself right then. But keep on, even though sometimes I don't want to.

I need to get away... To go far enough away that my Mom would stop yelling and Dad would stop lying and Middle Sis would stop tattling.

But keep up, okay? Trust me, I know what you mean, but it'll be worth it, someday. I forgot that, once. But then I remembered again. Some days, though, I'm just floating through life, with no reason.

try writing poetry. It helped me greatly. Write down how you feel. And do you have someone you can talk to? I see a counselor, who helps me pull myself together again, so I don't just fly to bits. What I do to drown out the pain is usually watch anime. Watching that... It expands my world again.

Keep going, because it's worth it in the end.  

[Merrin Spicer]

[ Iceheart queen ]

I can relate.

My life feels so devoid. I pray every day, and I try to go on. My Mother thinks it's all an act, that it's all in my head, but I don't feel like it is. I have my own world, and if I am in there, I'm safe. It's a nice place to be, but I am sometimes too aware of reality.

I am scared, sometimes, of how listless I and dull I feel. It's scary, realizing that you could kill yourself right then. But keep on, even though sometimes I don't want to.

I need to get away... To go far enough away that my Mom would stop yelling and Dad would stop lying and Middle Sis would stop tattling.

But keep up, okay? Trust me, I know what you mean, but it'll be worth it, someday. I forgot that, once. But then I remembered again. Some days, though, I'm just floating through life, with no reason.

try writing poetry. It helped me greatly. Write down how you feel. And do you have someone you can talk to? I see a counselor, who helps me pull myself together again, so I don't just fly to bits. What I do to drown out the pain is usually watch anime. Watching that... It expands my world again.

Keep going, because it's worth it in the end.

::cries just reading that:: That was beautiful. I seriously am a bit depressed lately, since I got into a car accident. My car is slightly totalled, and I hope that it can be fixed soon. And no, I did not kill anyone, but still... it is like... I could have. The whole scenario scared me. Yesterday afternoon and last night, that I could do is cry and shake. It was so scary and I really just needed to leave that place. I tried pinching myself to make sure that it was not real, and it was... I feel so bad about the whole. I feel so bad that I stayed home today (although I also have a cold, so I have a valid excuse).  

[RizaMustang24]

My imaginary world is a lot like your guys'... only mines a bit different. I hate imagining myself in another reality. I hate myself so much and feel that no human from the real world should actually get to become apart of MY alternate reality. Instead I make up characters that secretly have plenty of characteristics that I extracted from the REAL side of me, the side no one almost ever sees.
I try to imagine myself with a husband and it doesn't work out well, because then I think I'm stupid for ever even THINKING that because I know my life won't turn out that good. Ever. I feel even worse now because I am seriously in love with my boyfriend, but he doesn't talk to me, and it hurts really bad... and what's worse is he's an internet boyfriend. I'm so scared he's gonna leave me, and in my heart I feel he is.
I try to live in my other reality when I'm upset mostly, because let's face it, I hate humanity. They drive me insane, all of them. How heartless one can be in hurting that other person, making that person lifeless and dull and heartless like the other. It's an INFECTION... when you see someone hurt someone else they're trying to infect them, I swear it.
Don't tell me that I can't hate humanity because I don't hate myself and my friends. THAT'S A LIE. I hate myself to hell and I hate my friends just as well. In my hatred, there is love though confused It's really hard to explain. I guess I could say I hate them because I love them. I don't know, maybe I'm a freak for even writing this much.
-sigh- Sorry, I should just keep my mouth shut.

 

[ObscureEnigma]

You should never feel guilty about what you feel. I am really sorry to hear that you cannot find happiness simply in the time that you spend alone, with those characters. I wish that I could give you some advice, but I can only listen, and that is an important aid to someone who is under the social stress that you are under. Sometimes, I really do hate myself... and my friends... and all of humans around me. Humanity, I agree, is definitely not the most pure of all ideals. I personally hate the fact that we always have to keep our guard up so that we will not be harmed; I hate the fact that we cannot always be polite to one another. I also wish that we as a society could learn to function socially and get along as some animals do. We need to understand that everyone at some point or another has these feelings. Sometimes, we are betrayed, but I have news for everyone. The only real solution to this problem is to learn from it. We should learn to forgive, even though sometimes it hurts.

And as for the boyfriend problem, you may love him, but in order to demonstrate that love, you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Talk to him about your problems. If he is truly worth being your boyfriend, then he will listen and try to console you as best as he can.

Why do you hate yourself? I am not trying to be ignorant by asking the question, and you do not have to answer that to me or anyone else. You should ask yourself that question, and figure out what it is. Then, you should strive to change what you do not like about yourself and learn to be a more confident person.

And never feel sorry about you write in here. This place is a great way to talk about our problems, and hopefully, someone will come along and give helpful advice. I personally wish that I could have helped someone out in this thread. I have my own problems, but I do not wish to share them unless the right mood shines upon me.  

[Merrin Spicer]

Oye. Well, that was some nifty advice, ObscureEnigma. You always seem to know how to say things to comfort people, even if it does not make since sometimes. Heh. I got my car back on Tuesday, and my s**t's paid for, so I ******** win. Hells yes.  

[ObscureEnigma]

Yes. My car has returned, which gives me a new level of solace. Meh... but, I am having other troubles which no one should be concerned about unless one wishes to ask me.  

[Reptiliac]

ThatEmoKidDownTheStreet

xX Emo-chan Xx

chad_33000

Its not a female, actualy no one person either. I feel that the world is to evil for there to be a reason for it to still be here, I know that isnt true but that little voice is always there too speak its piont. I am a devout catholic and I keep to my faith wich help a lot, but even with my friends and faith I feal I am being overpowered and beaten. God I wish this was over.

I know the feeling.
Really, the world actually is, so there's not much you can really do. You have to find happiness in something. For me, it's music, and I get lost in it. Literally, you can't get me out sometimes...

And if we can't find happiness in anything, then what is there to look for?

will the flood behind me?

Then the show must go on!
Our lives the thing we've got,
And if anything shoud take it,
It should not be ourselfs.

put out the fire inside?

 

[ObscureEnigma]

Hmmm...Yeah. It seems as though our little trifles are the biggest problems in the world. Then again, there is always someone in a worse situation than you are, no matter how bad yours seems to be. I try to think like that when I am depressed... and rarely when I am angry.  

[Merrin Spicer]

Yeah, but we can only see through our own eyes. Our thoughts are based on our experiences and our perception on them. True, there is always something that happens outside of our lives that is worse, but... we see things as the worst things ever because they may have been the worse things that have happened to us. I don't believe that most humans can relate to anything that is outside of their lives, though.  

[kristine54]

Well, depression might be acute depending on the situation... I sometimes ended up like that... sad but remember, look at the bright side... wink  

[War Resistance]

well personally i think everyone gets depressed, know one has a perfect life, and even if we did we would be depressed, about having nothing left in life....... yah the world is a doomed planet and is here to let us live our miserable lives, yah family sucks, and death is sounding awesome but realize majority of the world feels this, im depressed, but i wont show it to my friends cause it only going to add to thier lives , just try to hang in