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Calamity from the Heavens
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 Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 1:02 pm
I'm having some trouble dealing with my emotions. Approximately three weeks ago, I received word that a friend of mine had been in a car accident. For a while, I waited for news, and then found out that she was alive, and she was going to be fine, but that she was brain damaged. She didn't remember anyone, not even her lover, another friend of mine. Although we were upset about it, I took the higher route, happy that she was at least alive... but a week later, I received a private message on my forum. "She's dead." was all it said. I later found out she'd just gone to sleep and never woken up. Nobody knew what had happened. As it was, I went to pieces, but for the last two weeks, it's felt completely unreal. I've dealt with death before, but it's never been like this before. My emotions change rapidly, my memory has a tendency to erase her entire existence for days at a time, so I don't even remember that she existed until someone mentions her, and my friends are really worried. Completely out of the blue, I find myself crying, and throwing temper tantrums, because I just can't handle it, and yet, it still feels as if I'm going to wake up tomorrow, and she'll be on the forum. I don't know what to do. I can't go on like this... I've missed a lot of college over the last two weeks, and this year is really important. I know she's gone to a better place, and she wouldn't want me to go to pieces over it, and I haven't lost her... she'll always be in my heart... but I don't know what I can do. I feel like I'm going crazy, and I'm worried I'm going to regress. Six years ago, when my father died, I became completely agoraphobic, and couldn't leave the house without being forced. I was in such a bad state that I missed almost three full years of high school, drove my mother off the deep end with my bad attitude, and my refusal to leave my room except for food, and had to spend three further years just regaining the nerve to talk to people again. I don't want to become like that again, not now that I'm finally getting better, but I feel guilty for not being constantly unhappy about Lilly's death when her lover is in such a state. What can I do?...
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Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:58 am
ok...lemme get thsi straight: u feel guilty if u don't feel bad about her death? i understand the feeling [theorically, since i haven't experienced that just yet]. but feeling over that is not right. as u said urself, she wouldn't want u to destroy ur happiness over this. as for the action itself, i'm no expert, but i'd call it a self-defense mechanism. done unconsciously. it's simply ur mind trying to deal with it. same with the forgetting her for days on end and the sudden tantrums. self-defense mechanism: forgetting. effect: the emotions arise sooner or later, whether u realize or not. those tantrums, tears, etc. are just that, emotions arising. i really have no saying in the matter bcs i haven't lost anyone dear to me yet, but u must find a way to cope with her death. her lover, of course, is probably feeling worse; after all, he loved her, and yes, u loved her too. but they r different kinds of love. and so, the shock of loss may seem to affect him more. it's just the way he copes with it. u, on the other hand, forget it. now, here i do have a saying: i have a family situation i'm dealing with, and my self-defense mechanism [which with help of my friends i've recognized], is precisely that: forget that anything at all is happening and act as if everything is normal. for now, while u pass this first shock [may take weeks, months, maybe even years], u can use that and it's ok. but don't stick to it, bcs doing so bring precisely that, the mood-swings for seemingly no reason. thinking that u'll wake up and see her there in the forum is, i'm afraid to say, wishful thinking. u really want that, and that's why u feel it so. as for closing urself up in ur house....as u may obviously recognize, it's not worth it. u know this college year is very important, and blocking urself like that is....very USELESS. i know not how to explain exactly, but i do know this much: if ur friend were still alive, u know she would try and help u out of this crisis, u know she wouldn't want u screwing up studies bcs of this. perhaps she's not there in flesh and blood, but as u say, she has not left ur side. she's there, in spirit, in ur memories, and u musn't let those die. bcs if u do, u'll let her memory die.
i may sound cheesy or something, and i know it's really long, but i believe everything i say there. in fact, there's this quote i want u to keep in mind. it's from a rock band in spain: "Vivo cada vez que habláis the mí...y muero otra vez si lloráis..." it means 'i live every time you speak of me, and die once more if you cry'. i think it's rather self-explanatory...but oh well. hope i helped, even if in the slightest. sweatdrop
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Calamity from the Heavens
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Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 9:33 am
You did help. Thanks a lot. I understand it a bit better now, I think.
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Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 5:55 pm
crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying
that is so sad!!!!!!!
i never delt with a conundrum like this before....you need to try to look on the bright side...try bondig with all the most importat people in your life look to them for comfert try your best to let yourself rejuvanate from the emotional confusion..hope this helps heart heart heart
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