[solo?] sowing seeds [ r'ose/sawi + surprise visit

[houllow]

There'd been no mistaken in Sahrawith's words from earlier, despite the dragonet - no, she was more of a dragon now - despite her tendency to love stretching the truth. The green was fond of exaggerations and the six months they'd been together had done nothing to temper such a thing, not that R'ose ever would. He actively encouraged her tall tales and listened to them often as her captive audience, even though he was always the second figure present in each story. No one needed to know and no one needed to care, and yet - he couldn't help wonder if she was pulling his/ leg this time. It wasn't like such a thing would be entirely unheard of.

An undignified snort escaped the dragon as he parted from her at the entrance to the tunnels, her final motion to him a nudge of her head into the large of his back. I gain nothing from lying to you, and I'm offended you think I lie in the first place. The tone of her words carried mock outrage as the vibrant lavender of her eyes told the truth. I simply.....expand on the truth. Life is more interesting when there are mysteries involved. R'ose pulled her head off of him and rubbed at the eye ridges that were so eagerly presented. There was silence between them that fell like first snow, both mentally and audibly. R'ose's thoughts weren't exactly silent as he tried to keep them to himself, and his lifemate sighed faintly. You don't have to go right away. I would, of course, but you're not me and despite how much we have in common there are a few differences.

R'ose laughed loudly and patted her eye ridges one again. "Yes yes, fine. I'm just going in for a quick hello and then coming back out. We have a lot to get ready for. Good or bad stuff, depending on what the powers that be decide." He shook his head and thought of the bellows, of the dragons roaring in the sky as a bronze was chased off. Asking Sahrawith for the details had yielded little facts as she hadn't been paying much attention. "He's probably already neck deep with visitors already, or sleeping, or his dragonet will - eugh." Saying the last words caught hard in R'ose's throat like he didn't was to say them. Like they were a sort of curse word and him putting Radish and Dragonet into the same sentence was akin to swearing.

You're being dramatic. Now hurry you and go see him and come back, I want to be oiled and looking my best for whatever happens. R'ose rolled his eyes in time with Sahrawith's mental gesture. What? Lots of new dragonets were hatched and who knows what the future has in store? One of them could take a shine to me and first impressions are often the best.

"How easily you gave up on your first love." He hadn't meant it and regretted it as soon as the words slipped out and Sahrawith's lovely green head bent down, as though she'd been slapped. "Look, I -" It was too late and she was already turning from him. "Sahrawith."

Just go and come back so we can wallow in the misery you're causing together. There was a mental slap of his hand that he reached out as the green walked away to find a somewhat empty and warm place to settle herself. Any attempts from R'ose to reach for her were brushed off and he sighed as he turned to enter the tunneled path. He'd apologize properly to her later, maybe give her a special snack to tide her mood. Doubtless it would work, she was far more emotional lately than before, but R'ose had to hope and try.  

[houllow]

Did he even want to see him? That question echoed in R'ose mind over and over as he made his way towards the healers and a certain subject of very late night agony. The question looped itself over and over in his mind, the "he" and "him" alternating between himself and, well, Radish. Or Rizdax, or whatever it was he was supposed to be calling him now. Because yes, now, whatever relationship R'se thought they had or might have had was starting to rip at the seams.

Sahrawith had proudly told R'ose that Radish had gotten a bronze - a sharding bronze - and that alone changed their dynamic. The teen had been allowed to be so selfish before, priding that he'd Impressed while many of his friends stayed behind, but now what? Those he'd traded barbs with apparently were just biding their time before sliding easily into the ranks of High Reaches, elevating themselves on the backs of dragons (litereally) so they would be able to look down on him and his Sahrawith. On him and his green. R'ose was so thankful she was pressed out against him or she'd never bare the thoughts and words, such things R'ose never daring to even flicker over around her. Sahrawith was perfect and he was trying to hard to change himself, to fix things so no one would even so much as say a negative word about her, but at times it was exhausting.

He wanted to run his mouth when someone said something stupid. He wanted to shoot the breeze with his fellows and not have to worry what some outsider would think; kids all on the same level playing field didn't need to stress about the structure of the Weyr. Now R'ose did, and now he would. All the vitriol from deadglows he could handle but never once, not once at all, would he allow that to be directed to Sahrawith. The Weyr would never break her so long as it couldn't break him and yet? Now?

He'd have to watch what he said around people that before he had no filters. The Weyr would be watching him, and them, so long as they weren't dismissed and honestly? All this thinking and watching and waiting and trying not to offend anyone was exhausting. Why couldn't they graduate soon enough and have five turns pass and he could get out and stretch? It wasn't like R'ose wanted to leave High Reaches forever, not at all, but sometimes seeing a place that wasn't the same stone he'd grown up staring at seemed a nice idea.

But...what was he even sulking for? No, he wasn't supposed to dwelling on himself and being negative - R'ose was on a mission to go and see someone and decide what he was going to do from here on out. Would he stay as he was and finally admit some things or would he back away like the supposed coward he was dramatically pretending to be? All this overthinking didn't even suit him and it was almost laughable at how miserable he was making himself out to be when there was no real cause for it. When this was all said and done he'd apologize to Sahrawith (only) and get his affairs in order.

Saying it all was well and good though, as he found himself hesitating at the entrance to the healers. Quite a few people were inside (the dragonets had apparently not been kind) and despite his brash nature even R'ose knew when it'd be rude to intrude. Perhaps it'd be best if he came back later when the hubbub had settled down?  

[houllow]

So he did. Come back later, that is, as he waited for a few candlemarks to pass and the heavy stream of visitors for the day to ebb. What he wanted to do and say wasn't meant for the eyes and ears of so many others despite how much the Weyrling enjoyed sharing everything about himself. This was a personal matter, a very private one, and the less people around to witness it then all the better.

It....it wasn't like he was doing anything bad, he kept telling himself as he entered the healer hall, glancing around like he was plotting to steal something. No, this was far from bad as far as he was concerned, and it was something that had to be done. He was tired of Sahrawith's pointless needling (Raelin and Saith too, to a lesser degree since he could dismiss them) and the sooner this was done then maybe the better? His heart would rest easier each night and, no matter what happened from this point on, there would be no regrets.

No more painful feelings, like what he'd had when he found what had happened between Radish and Falienn - or was it F'enn now? That was a brutal slap in his face, a massive wake-up call that sometimes words were needed rather than just assuming everything was okay. It had shown him just how deep his feelings ran, rather than just the shallow dips of canine affection he'd thought it to be. That maybe, just maybe, it hurt because he was jealous and not angry. That he hadn't been there to hold him, or tell him words before they parted ways after his impression on the beach that day. That maybe, he was still being a child when he was required to grow up.

Of course he could think all he wanted later, now was the time for actions. The object of his search was indeed asleep (thank Faranth) and it looked as though his dragonet was as well. It was R'ose's first time seeing Bossuth, period, and there was something...unique about him. It was true he was no looker, there would be no way to drink this dragonet into handsome, but that was neither here nor there. He would love this little beast as much as he could, for he'd seen to it that R'iz would never be alone. There would never be enough words in the entire language for R'ose to explain how thankful he was to that. Even if everything went sour R'iz wouldn't be alone and that....was enough.

A few deep breaths were taken as R'ose tried to steady himself and ignore the pounding in his chest. He was someone who could easily stand toe-to-toe with a yelling rider and yawn it off and yet here he was, freaking out over someone laying in bed and covered in bandages. The fact that Riz had gotten himself so hurt while probably trying to play hero both angered and amused him, R'ose so glad to know that certain aspects hadn't changed even during their time apart. It was a relief to think R'iz would always be R'iz, just as he'd always be R'ose, even though they had "of so-and-so" attached to their names. Green Sahrawith, Bronze Bossuth. R'ose, R'iz. That would matter in the future, probably, but for right now they could just be who they always were.

Renose, an awkward weyrbrat who got into trouble and spoke before he could filter his thoughts. Rizdax, a survivor who mourned more than he should and carried a weight he wouldn't often share.

And now?

"Hey, you know what? I'm going to be a complete coward and say it now, while you're sleeping, because you probably won't get to see me again for six months or so and may move on." R'ose sat on the side of the bed, careful not to jostle its occupant in the hopes R'iz would stay asleep and not hear any of this. Everything R'ose was doing was for his own selfish satisfaction and even though he knew it, he'd do it anyway. Being considerate wasn't his forte.

Gently, lightly, he placed a hand on R'iz's face where the bandages didn't entirely cover; his touch was so slight it was as though he didn't have any contact at all and that suited him. This was getting harder than it needed to be, he needed to hurry before either of them woke up and -

"I love you." The words slipped just as he leaned and pressed his lips to those of the sleeping occupant, laughing inside his head that he could be taken as a prince trying to wake a sleeping princess. Or just some random creep bothering someone who needn't ever know he was there. The kiss was dry and short and he pulled back with a start, looking around in worry and fear. Had anyone seen that? Would they say something to him, or worse - to R'iz?

He needed to go and now, and he got up from the bed and started out without waiting for anything else. He'd said his piece and might have accidentally bumped Bossuth in the process. As he looked down at the bronze dragonet he placed a finger to his lips, a wink in his eye and terror in his heart. "Let's keep this a secret, you and I." If the dragonet was awake enough to hear and understand it didn't matter, and the Greenrider was gone at that note.

He'd made his peace.