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 Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:29 pm
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 Nchekwube was tired.
Sleep was evading him. The lion felt like he hadn't slept in days and hadn't seen the sun in even longer, though maybe that was jut the stress getting to him. The Amusu had been spending his time in the catacombs, testing himself on identifying the bones and the families there. Usually, potential Amoosu were found in their cubhood. They were taught the family lineages throughout their lives, before they took on the mantle of Amusu. Nchekwube had been a special case, brought into the ranks in his late adolescence and now, his mane barely even grown all the way in, he had a lot of catching up to do.
The lion blinked wearily as he moved through the pride lands. Even if he went home to his family's den, he doubted he could sleep. There was too much going on in his head to get any real rest. The new rogues had been welcomed in—by his own sight and words, at that—and seemed to be settling in fine. Still, he had taken note of those that weren't there to welcome the new faces. Some of which were not so subtle about giving him dark looks on the occasions that they met eyes as they moved through the pride.
Lions that he considered more family than mere pridemates looked at him with a look he could almost describe with contempt. With anger over changing their ways. With distrust over his ability. As if he were going to look into their souls.
Nchekwube had wept on more than one occasion, as this was all happening. Tucked away far from the pride's prying eyes, his emptions spilled from his chest. He just wanted everyone to be happy. For the pride to move forward. He just wanted to see the light of day again.
The sandy lion moved towards one of the pride's riverbanks, its water reflecting the bright light of the moon. He looked across the area, wondering if there was even anyone out and about at this hour. Happiness for his people. Was that too much to ask?
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 3:32 pm
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 There were times that Amatyala thought herself too harsh: on the newcomer, on those that changed their ways, on the careless and outspoken. Then, on nights like these when the memory of her parents hung like a ghost over her head, she remembered why that fear of the unknown would never quite be banished from her heart. Her family had taken in a harbinger and ruined not only the stability of their lineage but nearly the entirety of the pride.
Was it too much to hope that others might learn from their mistakes?
The bright lioness made her way to the riverbanks on blind steps, sweeping forward like a haunt that had repeated this journey a dozen times over. Night was quickly becoming her sanctuary, the only time she could explore her pride in peace from her own terrors - the newcomers rested, oblivious to her troubles, and she took her peace in their absence. It was beyond her to be openly aggressive but it was asking too much of her to interact with them when she could not break free of the chains of her paranoia.
She slipped down to the river and closed her eyes to drink the sweet, cool water as it rushed past on a night tide. It was some minutes before she brought her head up and opened her pale eyes onto the sight before her: a male who, in the dark, she did not recognize. It caused her to flinch at first, startled and gripped by a wave of fear, and she was nearly about to turn and burst back into the direction she had come when she realized exactly who it was.
"Nche?" her voice was soft and quiet, as if she were afraid someone nearby might come looking for its owner. She was scarcely older than he was and yet he had rocked the foundation she had built her entire life upon. It wasn't in her to be cruel, even to him, but his presence did fill her with some emotion she could not quite put a word to. Grief? Irritation? Disappointment? No.
"Are you here alone?"
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 3:47 pm
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The sound of a voice made his breath catch in his throat. Nchekwube whipped his head around towards its owner, taking care not to do so quickly enough to where he would tumble into the water. An effort in which he barely succeeded. Spotting the pale purple in the glow of the moon, Nchekwube did his best to mask a look of fatigue with one of a welcoming smile.
It was a less victorious effort.
"Amatyala," he said, his voice quiet as if not wanting to disrupt the peace of the night. A paw ran over his face. "I… yeah. Just me."
The breath left his chest, a heavy sigh that pushed out of him like water through floodgates. Amatyala. Amatyala Ahuojoo. The prevalence of her family wasn't lost on him. It was one of the families to take on rogues in the recent turn of events. And the family that might be the most hesitant to take them, depending on one's belief. The last acceptance of rogues hadn't treated them well. Hadn't treated any of the pride well, really.
And now the intake of new blood was a change for which he was partially responsible.
There was a sinking feeling in his stomach. The smile on his face remained weak. Tired. His heart felt like a heavy rock in his chest. What was he supposed to say? Sorry? But he wasn't. To apologize would be a lie.
The lion looked her in the eye, then his gaze trailed away. Partially because he found it simply difficult to meet the eye of someone who might have thought he had wronged them. Partially because, in his exhausted state, he had little control over teetering into a trance-like vision. It was like walking on a thin rope, and just meeting someone's eyes might send him into a vision into their soul. He wasn't a fan of breeching privacy like that. Not when it wasn't necessary. And besides, a trance might have pulled his legs out from under him and Nchekwube didn't really feel like drowning in this river right about now.
"What about you? Taking a moonlit stroll alone, tonight?"
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 6:09 pm
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"Well maybe I want to be happy and smile for you," Nchekwube retorted with a grin. The words left him with an airy laugh, but the whole thing seemed to sap the rest of the energy out of him. The lion let his weight tip to the side and assumed a laying position on the riverbank in a less-than-graceful maneuver. An exhausted 'oomfh' of a breath left him as he did so.
"I'm tired," he said finally, stating the obvious in a way of maneuvering around the touchy subject of why exactly it might be easier for her to be alone. He had a feeling that he would have known the answer to that particular question, and he didn’t really know how he would handle breaching that particular subject.
"Have you ever wondered exactly how many bones are accessible in the catacombs? How many ancestors everyone has?" His head lulled to the side as he watched her, turning the topic of conversation to exactly why he had been so exhausted. "Because it's a lot." His words were lighthearted and almost cheeky, as if just the notion of conversing with someone with breathing new life into him.
Nchekwube watched her few a few moments longer, then let his eyes trail off into the moonlit sky. "Are you… Are you okay?" There was no avoiding actually talking about the subject without looking either ignorant, uncaring, or like an absolute fool, and Nchekwube wanted to be none of these things. But the moment he spoke he seemed to get caught on his words again. "I… I mean. Not that you don't seem okay. Just…" A calming breath, in then out. "How are you, Amatyala?"
It was the truth that it had been in no small part due to him that rogues had been let in to the pride, and that Nchekwube had done what he could to make sure they were comfortable, but it was also an important truth that he cared deeply for those pridemates that he already had.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 6:30 pm
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The grin was unexpected, as was the laugh that followed it, and by the time she pulled her lips from the surface of the water her eyebrows had risen in silent wonder at where he found so much damnably positive energy.
Of course, he then took that opportunity to just.. flop over.
His positive attitude hadn't brought a smile to her face but his defeated, honest exhaustion and the way he poked fun at himself just a little with his actions, well, that did make her laugh. It was very, very soft, but it was there, breathy and gentle as breathing. It had been a long time since she had felt calm and peaceful enough to laugh with anyone and for once, she thought, she might spare a moment to let her guard down. There were no rogues here, after all. Only a girl and the priest that had turned her world on its head.
"Well, I suppose I've never thought about it, really," it was an easy topic and enough to persuade her to take a few steps closer before she sat down. It wasn't much, but it was enough to suggest she would stick around to talk with him. She had just opened her mouth to dive further into their easy-going conversation when he cut her off by poking his claw right into her sore spot. Every muscle in her limbs went taught as he drudged into that territory without question and though she had only just relaxed enough to sit, she suddenly very much wanted to bolt until her legs gave out. Luckily, she did have a few shreds of dignity.
"No, I'm not okay." Blunt was her style and she saw no reason to sugar coat the truth, at least not with this and not with him. "I wake up every morning waiting to see if anyone has gotten sick and I spend my entire day avoiding every new face that I see on the off chance that first anyone happens to be me."
The words felt good on her tongue, her fear felt less powerful given voice. At least for the moment, here, with only Nche and not a single rogue soul to bother her. She blew out a long sigh that made her hair tuft waver over her pale eyes and took the chance to look away from him and up, instead, to the moon that hung low overhead.
"I have become only my fear, I think."
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2018 7:25 pm
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Her laugh had almost brought the grin back to his face, but…
'No, I'm not okay.'
The physical wince he had wasn't huge, but it was there. Later, he would reflect on this feeling in his chest as being what it must be like to have your heart grabbed with claws and squeezed tight. It wasn't even from the blunt nature of her words, not any sort of hostility that he could have possibly interpreted from her reaction, but from the self-induced guilt that such dread and such fear were things that he had instilled into someone.
For a while he kept his eyes on some spot of nothing in the sky.
"I'm sorry," he said finally. When he finally turned his eyes back to her she was looking away. Still, he kept his gaze fixed. On the silhouette of her face. On her pale eyes up towards the moon. "I'm sorry for any dread my actions may have given you. Given anyone."
He was sorry. Remorseful for the emotions that he may have brought on his people. But he still believed that what he and Itiri and the Amoosu had decided was right. Nchekwube's mouth pressed right and he looked to the surface of the water. "I can't imagine that it's easy to accept, especially for the Ahuojoo. It hasn't even been that long since… since then. But…" His brow creased. Nchekwube found a tone of seriousness that seemed unfamiliar and uncharacteristic in the once (and still) youthful and optimistic lion.
"But worse than the fear of opening up, of making ourselves perhaps vulnerable, I think, is the fear of stagnating. Of dwindling un number until we have been all forgotten. I can't help but feel… but feel like we owe it to our ancestors to keep the fire going." He shook out his mane, staring more intently now into the water, meeting his own eyes. He wondered idly if he could trigger a vision of himself. If he could see into his own soul and see if he was a fool. Even if he was right, what use was he if he couldn’t even reassure those around him? Those he was supposed to care about the most?
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Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 11:58 am
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Amatyala didn't miss the way he watched her, even with her eyes turned forward she could follow the motion of his head out of her peripherals and it sent a long shiver crawling down her spine as he studied her so openly. Still, she didn't look back at him, not yet, not while he was talking and spinning her the reasons behind his decision to petition for the acceptance of rogues back within their borders.
It made her angry; angry that he was bringing it up again and angry that he thought she did not understand the reasons behind the benefits. Her jowl clenched tightly and as his words died in the air between them she, at last, turned her pale eyes down to look at him where he lay sprawled at her side. She didn't want to show how upset she was - not to him, not to anyone.
"My fear is not upon your shoulders, Nche. I know why you have done these things and I understand how it will benefit the pride but fear is not rational," an irritated sigh fluttered past her jowls as her words failed her for a moment and she wished, suddenly, that she had not bothered to greet him at all. Living with the knowledge that she could neither control her worry or move past it was difficult and on her best days she was peaceful in her solitude - on her worst?
She shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts and pushed herself to her feet abruptly, attempting anything she could to pull herself away from the chasm he had opened beneath her feet so unknowingly. It was always there, threatening to consume her whole, and she always felt balanced on the edge. One wrong word could send her down, down into the darkness..
"I know that you are right, I know that this is best for us, but I still.."
What did she say now? What could she possibly put into words that would express this grip of frigid terror that held her by the throat? She could feel her heart rate picking up pace and every muscle in her body went rigid with chill. All she could do was press her paws deeper into the soft, malleable river bank to try and steady herself.
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Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 12:24 pm
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His breath caught in his chest and Nchekwube let his eyes turn out into the sky. This wasn't helping. If anything, it seemed like it was making it worse. The lion's paws knead into the dirt as he idly thought. The Amusu had always been so focused on helping those around him. On doing whatever he could to make things better.
But maybe sometimes action wasn't the best cure. It wasn't like poking at a bruise was going to make it heal any faster. It would just make it hurt more.
The inhale left him in a collected breath and he looked at her out of his peripherals, watching without staring. As Amatyala sat up Nchekwube remained laying, though he not-so-gracefully rolled from one side to the other towards her. His chin sat against her paws and his hip bumped against her body as his weight leaned against her just a touch.
"Y'know," he started, pink and purple eyes back onto the water as he changed the subject. A paw reached out and touched its surface and he watched the ripples move out. "When I was… asleep," he paused before the last word, wondering if there was a less weird way to reference his coma, "I had these dreams. Visions, I guess. Something like a preview of what I do now. I saw my family. And I mean I really saw them. Like I could see who they were down to their core. It was… reassuring, I guess, to know that I was surrounded by such good. It felt safe." Another pause. "Even if they are soooooo dramatic." At the last words, his limbs sprawled out and his body became limp as he dramatically leaned more of his weight against her as if to get his point across.
Nchekwube peered up at her, then. "Lucky I don't take after them, huh?"
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 4:37 pm
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The space between panic and reality was a strange realm, where everything moved on as it was meant to but where she felt suspended in time. Her heart beat in her throat so loudly that she heard it like wings against her ear drums and everything around became a distant plane that she was no longer anchored in.
Then, after a moment, she became aware of the feel of weight against her hip - the pressure of a chin along her forepaws. Beneath the sound of the beating wings she recognized his voice, pleasant and alluring, dragging her back from the grip of terror that seemed ready to settle between her shoulders at a moment's notice. After what felt like hours, the beating of her heart abated and left her to drag her eyes away from whatever meaningless sight they had locked upon to, instead, fall and settle on the pale male that was curled up so closely to her of a sudden.
It was odd, looking at him so close, but somehow incredibly comforting in a way she had never expected. Relief swept her so swiftly that she could feel it stinging behind her eyes and every bit of her felt raw in the wake of her fear but, instead of running and hiding from him, she settled herself down again and curled closer to the comfort his proximity provided.
Perhaps she had been doing this all wrong, perhaps what she had needed this whole time was simply a little companionship to anchor her in the storm of her thoughts.
"Lucky thing," she said softly, tired and weary and too relieved to hide either even as she made an attempt to put some humor into her voice. Her head settled next to his and her eyes shut as she took slow, deep breaths filled with the scent of his fur.
"What does it feel like? Seeing what you see?"
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2019 5:12 pm
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With her eyes closed, Ama really tried to imagine what he was describing to her. A picture that had to be felt, knowledge that just entered the thoughts unbidden. It felt like something from a wild fantasy, a tale her grandmother would have told her when she was a cub, but she knew very well that what he was telling her now was hardly anything close to fantasy. She just couldn't quite grasp the idea no matter how hard she tried but she could feel it in her soul that the way he described things was the truth; even if he represented the key to her greatest fears, she had never doubted him.
"Some things aren't meant for others to know," she murmured softly, keeping her voice low. She was afraid that if she spoke too loudly she might pop this bubble that they had formed around themselves. Even if it was just for a moment, only here next to Nche, all of the weight of her worries and fears seemed to dissipate. There was no one but their souls laid out next to a riverbank, beneath the stars and the heavens above them. If she had been a storyteller, she was sure this would have been the stuff of inspiration, but she wasn't. She was only Amatyala.
The pink lioness drew a deep breath and felt her ribs widen beneath her and the way it increased the pressure of his side against hers. She didn't want to open her eyes and admit that they were anywhere but a safe, secluded hollow meant for just the two of them and so she didn't. They stayed shut, blissfully unaware of the world around them and focused only upon his warmth and the gentle sound of his breath next to her ear.
"Do you mean sleepy tired or exhausted tired?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 6:31 pm
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"Honestly?" he replied, a sound leaving him that was some sort of breathy, self-deprecating laugh, "Both. Any and all sorts of tired, I think."
'Some things aren't meant for others to know'
Nchekwube's ears pressed against his head. He felt as though he could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. Was she saying that she wasn't meant to understand his abilities? Or that he wasn't meant to know the nature of people's hearts? It did at times feel as though he was crossing some sort of unspoken boundary when he used his powers on others. It was a reason he worked so hard to reign in his abilities. It was an uncomfortable position to be in. Really, the entirety of the young Amusu's recent history had been an uncomfortable position to be in.
"Yeah, maybe," he responded, in a whisper, to her first statement. There was a moment of silence, then, as Nchekwube fell into thought.
"Listen," he said finally. He set his head near hers and spoke in an even softer tone, his voice a low rumble that was just above a whisper. He wondered if his heartbeat was as loud to her as it was to him. "I… I just want you to know that… that if you ever need anything. If things are ever feeling… wrong. Or bad. Or anything like that. I want you to know that you can come to me, okay? Not as Amoosu, or anything else that the rest of them may see me as, but as someone who's just…" His nose wrinkled as he looked for the right words through his tired delirium. "Who's just… here for you. For whatever you need. I want everything to be okay. I want you to be okay."
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