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 Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 7:19 pm
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I didn't mean to hurt you! Cynosuth cried, grief stricken and self-loathing. I would rather have been scored through my hearts than hurt you. I... cannot make this right. Ever. Oh, the pain of it was intolerable. What awful thing had she done? I'm. I'm sorry. I had meant to say that I was... happy for you. I am happy... for you. I had meant. I was going to tell you how I felt.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Worst. It. I don't know what's wrong with me... But whatever it was, she was the worst sister. Did not deserve his thoughts. Did not deserve this, even now.
"This is my fault," Dr'stan said, standing up. "I should have insisted that she let herself Rise ages ago. Months ago. I knew that she was close to Rising, and she just stubbornly refused to." Shaking his head, Dr'stan watched the pair go their separate ways sadly. "I hope they can fix it. She didn't mean to hurt him. I'm so sorry. I should have intervened."
I guess... love doesn't hurt if it isn't love, Cynosuth said quietly, from her bed beneath the water. Oh, if only she could become the water! But I did not mean to be your hurting love. I wanted... Something that she'd never have.
You aren't a traitor. I'm. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 7:52 pm
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I- I did not want to hurt you, either, Menankith mourned. If anyone else had caused his sister such pain, he would have sprung to her defense, rent them with his claws, but what could he do when he had been the one to hurt her? When he had been hurt in turn? The ache was sharp and persistent, and the apology that should have been a balm did not lessen the pain. It was only a stark reminder of how differently this could have gone, if she had not fled and her had not misunderstood, if their words had been different. I did not know that love had to hurt. I did not know...I did not know anything until yesterday. The feelings themselves might have been slowly building for months, but he had been ignorant of them. And with a bonded who had no more experience than he, it was all entirely new and unknown, had seemed a grand adventure...
And then this. Why, why this?
...I am sorry, too. It was not forgiveness, not yet, he wasn't ready, but it was an admission of shared guilt.
Nadry pressed her cheek against his and rubbed behind his headknobs, doing what she could to still the churning and quiet his heartbreaking vocalizations. "It's not your fault," she told Dr'stan miserably, "You couldn't have known this would happen. He just- All of this is really new for him, for both of us."
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 8:03 pm
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At last, Cynosuth was forced to come up for air. But when she did, it was only to lay by the water's edge, so that it lapped at her. Maybe love doesn't always hurt. I don't know. I don't... know a lot about this. Except that she was the worst. She felt his response as much as she heard it, and it was not...
It was what she deserved. Not forgiveness. She did not forgive herself, and so did not blame him for not forgiving her. But her color, which had been so bright, was now an ashen green that might as well have been grey. I wish I could take it back. But I cannot. And that was nearly as bad as his rejection, as the betrayal that he so clearly had felt.
"... Maybe not. But at the same time, I knew that she shouldn't wait. I shouldn't have encouraged her to tell him about her feelings. She clearly wasn't ready." Shardit all. This could have been so different. But Cynosuth was hurting too, and Dr'stan almost couldn't bear to watch her lay there by herself in such pain. Still, he knew that Menankith also needed support. "I'm sorry, Menankith. You did not deserve this. We both know that. I know it doesn't matter, right now, but that was a terrible accident."
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 8:22 pm
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I wish- I wish it did not hurt. For either of us. Because even with his trust broken, oh, he could never wish hurt on her, never wish her anything but happiness, because she would always be his sister. But right this moment, everything was just so very, very hard, and the depth of the pain made it all seem unfixable, and he was filled with despair. A part of him wanted very much to run away, to scoop up His and fly back to Macuith and Viandarth, and hide under their wings and spill out all his woes, but that was the easy way out, and he knew better. That would not make this go away.
He crooned softly at Cynosuth's, a reassurance that he did not blame him, either, and closed his gray eyes as he accepted the comfort of His. "Maybe they just...need some time."
Time and Faranth only knew what else - she hadn't the faintest idea what to do about a broken heart, let alone four.
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 8:49 pm
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Sometime later, and many tearful conversations after, Dr'stan and Cynosuth again found themselves facing down the possibility of a conversation with Menankith. "Cynosuth, please remember. Whatever you feel will be amplified. He did not do anything wrong. I know you feel that he didn't. You both had tough feelings." Petting her neck, he tried to calm her down, and she kept her embarrassed gaze low.
I was horrible to him, she bemoaned, aware of what her rider was trying to say, and yet feeling as if nothing could mend the gap between herself and one of her closest friends. One of her loves. She had rehearsed what she would try to say if they ever spoke again, but wasn't sure that it would come out right. Her green hide was once again shining brightly, which might not actually... help anything.
They were not at the lake. That spot had become a bit painful for her, for the time being. Instead, they'd found a nice place that had trees, and an overhang to shade Nadry and D'rstan if need be. Menankith... can we talk? This time I promise I will not say awful things. She was... so very sorry. Would always be sorry.
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 9:52 pm
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The last few days had been a dizzying series of ups and downs for Menankith - for a whole, glorious day and a half after the Flight that had found him in the claws of his beloved Macuith, and under the wings of the intriguing Viandarth, he had been happy. Guilty, yes, because he'd been rather rude - however unintentionally - to Neiveth, but for that precious bit of time, he had been overjoyed and hopeful. Then it had all come crashing down. And in hindsight, perhaps it was no one's fault, or both their faults, but did it matter where the blame was placed? In a matter of moments, he and his dearest sister had dismantled both their relationship and each other, and the pain of it had been...excruciating. A cloud had settled over all his hours since then, and sent him to more than one set of sympathetic headknobs to pour his hearts out to.
All the support and love and advice had helped, without a doubt, and his hide was nearly back to its usual hue, but even now, the ache remained, and would until he faced the source of it. Neiveth was the most recent to advise as much, and since his meeting with her, he had been working to steel himself to do what needed to be done. And then...she spoke to him. Fear shot through him - he was so terribly afraid of so very many things. What if it went wrong again? What if it only hurt more? What if she hated him? But in the midst of that, there was a faint whisper of relief, and an echo of the happiness he'd once felt at the brush of her mind, the invitation to spend time with her. As much as he hurt, he had...missed her.
He returned the touch she'd sent tentatively, and hesitated over whether to leave the assent that simple, or to risk words. ...Yes. We should talk. The trust that had been so shattered that night was, it seemed, not so beyond repair as it had felt in those moments of heartbreak. Cracked, maybe, but not in pieces, or else the agreement to meet would not have come quite so readily as it had. So he gathered up his rider, who flooded him with love and reassurance, and went to see if this could be made right.
Once she dismounted, Nadry was reluctant to leave her brown's side, to go and sit and chat with Dr'stan as they usually did - which she did want to do, but...it could wait for another day, once this mess was sorted. Please let it be! She needed her Menankith back, and her time with her friend. Faranth knew that now, of all times, she needed the support and the advice, and that sharing minds with a distraught dragon didn't have her in the best state for exploring her very new relationship. It was all just a wreck of the most terrible timing possible.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:14 am
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Although Cynosuth's hide was bright, her eyes were grey. She watched her brother's approach, and the guilt of what she had done threatened to choke her. I am sorry, she said. I should not have been so selfish, to think only of my feelings. You deserve happiness, and you had been so happy. I want that for you. Even if... even if... she could never have his love again. I was monstrous to you. I... I don't know what came over me, except... Well. Wordlessly, she shared with him the tangled emotions that had been tormenting her for the past few months.
Lust. Love. Heartache. A strange sense of urgency that she had not initially understood. My Dr'stan says that it is... something called 'proddy', but there is no excusing what I have done. Your friendship meant so much to me. And she had thrown it away in one fell swoop. One disastrous instant. She'd lost control. The maelstrom inside had overtaken her, and... and she didn't know what to do. Please seek your happiness. You. You deserve the very best. Which she so clearly could not offer, and the knowledge of that ached beyond anything, anything that he had said.
When Nadry did not join Dr'stan, he was not altogether surprised. It was probably better this way. Menankith needed her support right now, as much as Dr'stan wanted his friend's companionship. If, indeed, they were truly friends, now that their dragons had so disastrously parted ways. Besides which... he was feeling Cynosuth's proddiness, himself. Maybe it was for the best. He'd stay where he was, and intervene as necessary.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 6:13 am
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He had felt so many things for the first time, in such a short time, and in all honesty, was still reeling, would still be sorting through much of it for a long time to come. Menankith was exhausted in a way he'd never known before, and it showed in every line of his body. Cynosuth was one that he had always, almost unconsciously, posed for and because of, lifted up by her presence for reasons he hadn't understood. But now he was deeply sad, and afraid - she had a power over him that he had never realized, the ability to destroy him as few others could, because he loved her.
Still. Always.
And when she shared the torment that she had been feeling, for so long, he creeled softly in alarm. All of that, for all that time? And he...he hadn't seen it. He had been blind to it, as he had many other things. If he had seen, if he had known, would things have been different? Could he have helped, somehow? He had been such a fool, but unlike with Macuith, he had not realized it in time, and caused his sister pain. Broken her hearts. Slowly, ever so carefully, he slunk his way closer to press his head against hers, if she would allow it, and unfurled his wings to gather her close and fold himself over her. He did not have words - he was afraid to use them when they had gone so wrong - but he left everything open to her, every thought and feeling and memory, how beautiful and precious she was and always had been. How sorry he was. And, with a shuddering sigh, forgiveness. He could find a way through his own pain, but could not abide hers - he would take it, if he could, because he loved her and had failed her.
Nadry worried when the brown moved away, wanting desperately to keep him from the chance of any further hurt, but she knew he had to do this. And with him leaving her side of his own accord, she moved to stand near Dr'stan with the tiniest of smiles, which went no way towards covering up any of her concern. About their dragons, about them... Much as she hoped this would go right, she was terrified it would go wrong, and then what?
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 11:26 am
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It hit him, as if for the first time, how very tiny and delicate his sister was, how stark the difference between them was now that he was full-grown. He covered and curled around her with the utmost care, and exhaled with another long, deep sigh. He was so very tired, but also relieved beyond words as the sharpest of the pain finally began to fade away. He was sore, and a sort of hazy numbness settled over his mind - he was felt out after the past few days, leaving him feeling as though he'd gone without enough sleep for far longer than he actually had.
I love you, too, the brown breathed out, closing his eyes. I will not go away. Please...please just tell me things. Do not stay quiet, if you hurt inside. If something is not right. I- I do not see some things well, and I am sorry I did not see that you needed me. I did not know. Maybe, with enough time, he would learn to see them, but he would need his loves to help him when he did not.
Nadry breathed her own sigh of relief when all that tension and distress finally bled out of her brown, and Dr'stan placed a hand on her shoulder. She edged closer to lean into him, immensely grateful that their dragons looked well on their way to healing. Right in the depths of all of it, she'd worried over whether or not it was possible. "It's alright now. That's what's important." Not everything could always be happy, or perfect, or as expected or hoped. "As long as everyone gets through it, right?"
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 3:40 pm
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Although exhausted herself, Cynosuth leaned into Menankith and offered him what fragile strength she possessed. He had suffered, and deserved a reprieve. She did not know how best to help him, but she loved him, and wanted him to feel better. The shattered edges of her hearts had begun to heal, and she breathed into the stillness, aware that Menankith was there, and was not going to leave.
Even if he went away, he would come back. Perhaps it was a testament to his character that he had seen all of her, her absolute worst qualities laid bare, and he had forgiven her. Even now she was confused about where it had all come from, for never in her life before had the Green had an ill thought about anyone. She shared her confusion and worry with him, for he had asked.
I do not like this thing, Menankith, she told him, still feeling the urgent need for... for... for something. It is strong, and I am not as strong. I do not want to be... like that. Ever again. Even if she felt that powerful draw, she didn't... didn't want it to pull her like this.
So bright that she was almost incandescent, it seemed, the Green hid fully under her brother. He was significantly larger than she, and though he had once feared being too small, she had never considered him to be anything but big and strong. And wonderful. I am so happy for you... and for Macuith. I hope you know that. It was quite true.
To say that Dr'stan was feeling guilty was an understatement. He wrapped an arm around Nadry, pulling her in close. She had gone through a tough time, and he felt genuinely responsible for it. "Yes. Getting through it is important. Sometimes love is messy. ... Did I ever tell you that after H'sad Impressed, and I aged out, I broke up with him? I felt, at the time, that I was unworthy of him. Well, I say 'broke up', but he didn't let me actually break up with him." You'd never know it, to see them together today.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:41 pm
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Menankith gave a soft hum of comfort, and though it was not quite the deep thrum he usually had in him, the same intent was there. He was sorry, very sorry, that she was so confused and so worried, and that the feeling was so distressing for her. If he could have fixed or taken it, he would have, without hesitation. You are stronger than you think, he tried to reassure her, for she was. But if you ever feel that you are not, you are always welcome to mine. He was here, whatever that counted for, and even if he did not always have a solution or the best way with words, he would be a rock for her, if that was what she needed. Something to ground herself on.
And he was very good at cuddles, having learned from the very best of all their siblings. He had also spent no small amount of time under Viandarth's wings recently, and it was almost odd to now be the large one in the...cuddling arrangement. He nuzzled at Cynosuth, and settled in such a way that she would be as comfortable as possible while tucked against and under him. I am glad that...that it is okay. I want for all of us to be happy.
They did not all of them have to be together together, every one of them in love with each of the others, so far as he knew or was concerned. It seemed simple enough, to his mind, that as long as they were all honest and happy and love, that there was nothing wrong or odd about any of it. He had lately been made very aware that feelings were not at all in short supply, and was quite sure there would always be plenty to go around.
Nadry snaked an arm around Dr'stan in turn, every bit as relieved as her dragon; her heart might not have been on the line in quite the same way, but Dr'stan was as dear to her as a brother...moreso, perhaps, considering that she might as well have ceased to exist, as far as most of her 'real' family was concerned. "You did?" Now that was a surprise - it was near impossible to imagine them anything but together and happy, but she could guess how awful it must have felt to age out. "I'm glad he didn't let you."
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 7:09 pm
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Curled up, safely tucked beneath Menankith's wings, Cynosuth at last felt safe. Felt... home. She sent a burst of bright, pure love to the Brown, cuddling all the more closely, somehow. You are stronger than anyone, she said with perfect conviction. She knew that Menankith had the strength to hold up the world, if he so chose. And knew, also, that he liked best to help others find their own strengths. This was something that she had always admired about him.
When he thought of his role as her rock, the image of Aurinkoth floated into her head. That was her rock. Her shiny, effervescent rock. And his rock as well. Aurinkoth does so much for us, she remarked quietly, contemplating his wonderful dedication to her happiness. Truly, she did not deserve his friendship, just as she did not deserve Menankith's. Yet she had it. Although he was not there, Cynosuth sent a wave of gratitude and love to her Blue brother, for he was just as important to her.
And just as loved. How could they themselves shine without the Sun in their skies? We are all important to each other, she added. Without one of us, we would all suffer. And oh, if that did not make her think of their lost brother. Her hearts felt heavy for a moment, and she let herself grieve a little for him. But I think we will be happy.
Curiosity got the better of her, however, for she peered out from under Menankith's wings at him. Was... was the Flight nice? she asked, feeling suddenly a bit warm. Was it... fun? She had no experience with it herself. With that. He was now the experienced one, her wonderful, big brother.
"Yes," Dr'stan said, feeling a little embarrassed. His cheeks were flushed, and he had to run a hand down his face. "I made a serious mistake. I loved him, you see. I didn't want to leave him. But I panicked, and threw myself away. Only... he knew that we belonged together." Glancing down at Nadry, he gave her a nudge. "So, you having a good time with those boys?" he asked, a wry grin finding its way across his lips.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 pm
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I may have some competition for that, he noted, though he did so in good humor, not trying to shove away the compliment. But certainly Fenrith was very strong, and Menankith could only hope that one day he would grow to the measure of his role model. Not physically, of course, it had always been apparent that he'd never be more than average in size, but any fretting he had ever done over that was a long time in the past.
He does, the brown agreed heartily. Their sunny blue brother was a source of endless cheer, brightening even their darkest days and asking for nothing in return...not that Menankith did not reciprocate anyway, in his own way. He was not so naturally effusive, but he did adore and appreciate Aurinkoth, and everything that he was. And so the blue would get a swelling of those feelings from him, as well: bonus love for the sun!
He nuzzled at Cynosuth when her thoughts went to their lost brother, crooning reassuringly. I think we will be, too.
Her curiosity, and the way she peered up at him, nudged sad thoughts from his mind for now. It was nice, he confirmed, although it was an especially difficult thing to find words for. I was only curious at first, with all thus fuss everyone makes over such things, but I...I understand a little of why they do now, I think.
"You do." Nadry gently squeezed her embarrassed friend, and gave him a grateful smile. She appreciated that he would share such things with her - Faranth knew she was incredibly short on examples of real, healthy relationships, and where before she had mostly been curious, she suddenly found herself in need of insight. Not that she probably couldn't blunder her way through somehow, or even that anything was currently the matter, but it was...good to know. Hard times happened, mistakes happened, but there was a way through. She ducked her head then and laughed, blushing. "Yes," she admitted, "Very. But no more being late, I think we used up all the mercy we'll ever get from V'mel."
She'd honestly expected some kind of repercussion, and the fact that there hadn't been was almost worrisome in and of itself!
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