[PRP] Long Way to Go (Akaris/Aerden)

[Meepfur]

Akaris sat wedged down at the far end of the dining table and watched out of the corner of her eye as it filled, a trickle of candidates and other weyrfolk finding a spot and setting into their dinners, plenty of them chatting away as they did so.  She was not feeling the least bit chatty, herself, not after the lecture they'd gotten today.  She felt wretched, worse than she had in weeks and weeks; she usually tried to avoid thinking or talking about what had happened at the Touching and Hatching for Vimiath's clutch, and having to dwell on it for that essay had been horrible.  It made her feel like a rotten person, and if that weren't bad enough, she was no longer so sure she'd done as well as she'd thought at the Hatching on the beach.  She'd only wanted to be with her friend, and feel safe(ish).  Was that wrong?

The young woman went back and forth between wallowing in guilt and trying to convince herself that the lecture hadn't really been about her, at least not exclusively, but...but it probably was.  A lot of it sounded very much like it applied to her.  But she'd really tried this time!  How could she try so hard and still be so bad at this?

Sulking, elbow on the table and chin in her hand, she pushed her food around her plate and sighed.  Her gold flit, sitting right beside the plate, delicately plucked up a small piece of tuber and offered it to her with a cheep.  She sighed again, but accepted the 'gift.' "Thanks."

Tsunake

for one boy!

 

[Tsunake]

Aerden was in a similar boat after the lecture they had received. To have seen the normally cheerful A'ral almost distraught at them... but, he was hardly about to slink off with his tail between his legs. Something that had been said stuck out to him like a sore thumb. These fellow Candidates, people that he hardly knew... they very well could be guarding his back against Threadfall one day. It was inexcusable that he had yet to really socialize with any of them. True, it wasn't his strong suit, but that only convinced him that he needed to work on it.

A girl was sitting by herself, looking absolutely miserable, and the older man watched her for a moment. She might really want to be left alone... but, well, he could at least try. A shimmer of gold soon caught his attention next. It seemed she had a firelizard.... one who was very intent on cheering her bonded up.

"Hello," He offered quietly, his smile a little awkward. "Do you mind if I sit with you? It's okay if not. Today was.... rough."

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

The candidate nibbled at the piece of tuber, finding it had even less taste than usual, but a second, brighter cheep from Lovely that was full of approval and happiness encouraged her to finish it. Which led to the flit picking up another piece to hold out to her. Here! Here! More! Akaris smiled fondly and shook her head, and was saved from being flitter-fed the rest of her tubers when a man approached and asked if he could sit.

She glanced up, honey-colored eyes flicking over his features - the scoring was impossible to miss, but not an uncommon sight in the Weyr. On riders, anyway, not so much on candidates. But she didn't stare, and any hesitation was of the purely...ordinary sort, after their rough day. "No, It's okay. I don't mind."

"I'm Akaris," she offered after another moment, "And this is Lovely." The flit trilled and fluttered her wings at the man.

Tsunake

 

[Tsunake]

He had little experience with flits, but seeing as she was a golden queen... Aerden bowed his head at Lovely, and then gave Akaris a small nod with a quirk of his lips. "Glad to meet you. I'm Aerden." He hadn't missed her the very brief flicker to his neck, but in all honesty, she hadn't even stared. Aerden didn't mind the lingering looks. It was truly a remarkable injury, and only thanks to Veena's careful care and a dragon's quick wits was he able to survive.

"You... are close with the Candidatemaster, yeah?" It wasn't a judgmental statement, just something he'd observed. It was sweet, actually. He'd found an unexpected family with Veena and her children, so far be it from him to mind where someone found connections.

"I'm sorry we upset him so badly." His face twisted in a genuine grimace, still feeling his stomach churn at the mere memory. It was... decidedly horrific, to realize that they were... well, the worst group that A'ral had had in Turns. He didn't want to be remembered that way.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

A small smile stirred to life when Aerden bowed his head to Lovely, and she returned the nod. It was not quite up to her usual standard of charm, especially considering he was a man, and not an unattractive one at that, but that seemed particularly far out of reach today. "Pleased to meet you, too, Aerden."

"Yes," she answered, "I am." Most days, her smile would have brightened, and she would have sat up straighter, prouder, because A'ral had taken her in. She was special. But today wasn't most days. She felt very small, and undeserving of his attention and time and love. She looked away when Aerden mentioned upsetting him. "I wish I could take it all back."

Everything. Even if it meant never knowing him, or R'mor, or Zinath and Junenth...if she'd never been Searched, the Touching would never have gone wrong, the Hatching would have been better, everything would have been better for everyone.

Sensing her bonded's profound sadness, Lovely moved from posing for their new acquaintance to twine closer to Akaris and croon. It was okay! Everything was fine! Here, this tuber will make you feel better!

Tsunake

 

[Tsunake]

Once she confirmed his thoughts, the older man gave a small smile--which immediately faded once she firmly stated that she wished she could take it back. Even without Lovely's reaction, Aerden at least had enough sense to know the young woman was upset.

Slowly, cautiously, he reached out to gently grip one of her dark hands. "I don't agree. Without pain, what's the point of glory?" He lapsed into silence for a moment, trying to sort his words into something that was... acceptable.

"If you hadn't... done what you'd done, you wouldn't be who you are now. You are a stronger person, wiser. Even if it doesn't feel like it."

Shards, but he wasn't meant to reassure others. Still, he couldn't do anything else but his best.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Akaris didn't expect the hand on hers, though she didn't object to it. She just didn't think she'd ever have sympathy from a fellow candidate, as thoroughly as she'd convinced herself that none of them could possibly have good opinions of her - only negative, ranging from 'that dimglow' to...worse. Which was why she tended to avoid the subject, on most days and with most people.

But Aerden had caught her on a vulnerable, lonely day, and he seemed...nice. She sighed. "Even if I am better, if I hadn't...it would have been better for everyone else."

The people and hatchlings who'd been hurt, the boy who'd died...surely her being a slightly better person wasn't worth all that.

Tsunake

 

[Tsunake]

It was a little bold of him, admittedly... but she seemed so upset, if Lovely's reaction was anything to go by. He lapsed into silence at her next words though, thinking it over. "I don't... think that was your fault." Aerden said quietly. "Her rider was sick, and then... " He shook his head. "I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings. I just can't agree, that it would have been better for everyone else."

The people she'd met as a result of what had happened--they seemed fond of her, like the Candidatemaster. "A'ral seems to trust you. That means he sees potential in you... and I don't think it would have been better for him."

The man took a deep breath, praying that he wasn't making this worse. "What happened at the hatching was a horrible accident. But it was an accident."

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

"Everything went so wrong, though," she lamented. It hadn't been a calm Touching to start, as multiple eggs had been...difficult and easily-upset, but it had really taken a turn after she'd...well. Even if the clutch had been high-strung and Talela ill, she'd been the one to set everything off. Maybe it wasn't all her, but at least some of it was, she couldn't help but feel.

And seeing A'ral so upset today, that had hurt. A lot. But it was also all hard and uncomfortable to voice and find words for. "I just- I really thought this one was better." She turned the subject just slightly, still perfectly relevant but not quite so difficult. "I didn't expect him to be so upset."

Lovely raised up on her hind legs with a peep, offering up the piece of tuber she'd been trying to get Akaris to take. Maybe the Nice Man would want it?

Tsunake

 

[Tsunake]

Aerden frowned quietly. Yes, it had certainly been a wild ride from start to finish, but... It was clear that this was something that Akaris was still struggling with. He hoped, in the future, she would be able to forgive herself...

A'ral had been upset, and the former mercenary resisted the urge to grimace. "...I... thought it was too. Maybe the addition of High Reaches being there... " He trailed off, shaking his head. "Mistakes were made still. I think that boy frightening the little blue just... sank it home that our behavior could very much endanger the hatchlings. With time though, I think we can earn his trust again. We'll just do better next time." All of them.

Ah. He blinked owlishly at the golden queen, and, with an awkward smile, reached out to accept the piece of tuber. "Thank you." He murmured quietly.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

"I hope so. I don't want any more lectures like that." Didn't want to see him upset, or disappointed. Not ever. "I'm sure he's worried what will happen if any of us go to High Reaches, if they invite us for a Hatching." It would only be fair, right? Since they'd been invited to Western, and more than a few of theirs had Impressed.

The little gold chittered approval and pleasure at their new friend when he accepted the gift, and turned in a happy little circle before balancing back on her haunches again and cheeping. Good, good! Eat, eat, and don't be sad!

Akaris expelled a quiet breath of amusement and shook her head. "Careful. Once you get her started, she'll be trying to feed you the whole plate."

Tsunake

 

[Tsunake]

"We'll just have to make sure everyone is on their best behavior." He agreed... but Akaris had brought up something that had never even occurred to him. If offered the chance to stand at High Reaches, would he? It would mean not coming back to Western, if he Impresed. The man frowned to himself thoughtfully. This would require some more thinking. And perhaps talking to Veema...

The obviously pleasure that the queen took from his acceptance was enough to make him chuckle, and he was enamored enough to offer the young woman a little grin. "Well, then I can't disappoint her." He'd already been planning on clearing his plate, as hold habits died hard, but if it meant also pleasing a very beautiful firelizard? Well, Aerden considered that a win, and politely popped the tuber into his mouth to chew.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Their best behavior would absolutely be required, although it would have regardless, on the heels of the talk they'd received today. Still, the pressure would be even greater if they were invited to stand at High Reaches, if they screwed that up, there would never be any living it down. And the potential impact on Weyr relations if something went wrong, and it was a Western candidate's fault... That could very well be a disaster. "I hope, for A'ral's sake, everyone does what they're supposed to."

If they were to be invited to High Reaches, though, she had no ambitions about going. It would be a perfect chance to spend time with Rylyrr, but she knew that that wasn't acceptable motivation, and after today, she wasn't about to push it. No, she would stay right here, and minimize her chances of screwing something up.

Lovely, meanwhile, was absolutely delighted, and trilled approval at their new friend. She then turned back to the plate and started picking at what remained, chittering in thought. There were lots of good things here, yes! The little gold settled on what she thought was a particularly tasty-looking piece of meat to offer to the Nice Man.

"And there she goes." Akaris couldn't help but smile, not only because Lovely was adorable, but because Aerden was so obliging.

Tsunake