[PRP] Certain as sun...(A’mir / G’nik)

[Avid_RPer18]

G’nik’s initial silence didn’t bother him so much, after all, he did kind of just dumped a stream of consciousness on him. He’d need a moment to mull it over. What did get him, what made a lump form in his dry throat, was when G’nik slipped his hands out of his grasp and averted his gaze. Okay, he should have expected the revelation he dumped on him to make his significant other uncomfortable but it certainly didn’t make it any easier. A’mir lowered his gaze, anxiously rubbing the hem of his shirt between his thumbs and forefingers. Had he not already been sitting on his heels, he’d have sunk even further down.

A’mir didn’t look up at G’nik’s first apology, wincing behind the curtain of hair that fell forward around his face. He frowned as he mulled over what what to say next. He wanted to be understood, wanted to understand. The sound of the wine being poured drew his attention back to the man across from him.

“I just want to understand, G’nik. I’m not going to spontaneously relapse back. Being a rider by nature is dangerous but we’re in good Wings. Threadscore happens. My injury, in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t that bad.” Sure, he could well have lost his limb, maybe even died, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to dwell on it. Keep moving forward. Look to the future, live in the now. “You can’t let what happened bog you down.”  

[Thaliawen]

But he wouldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand. G’nik hadn’t been the one laid in bed. G’nik hadn’t been the one who could’ve died. He wrung his hands and found a point on the horizon to set his gaze on. “I know you won’t,” he said, then. “I don’t expect you to.”

G’nik’s expression changed. Something seemed to snap there, and his lips turned down into a scowl. “Not that bad? Not that bad? You were laid up for sevendays! You could’ve died, A’mir! You could’ve died! I nearly lost you.” And he couldn’t let that happen again! Life without A’mir wasn’t something he wanted to experience. He set his glass down and stared.

“You just want me to pretend that never happened?”  

[Avid_RPer18]

"It doesn't mean I can't try..." A'mir answered quietly, his voice soft and barely heard over the sounds of the waves lapping the beach. He allowed himself to follow G'nik's gaze to some far point on the horizon. Doing so, he noted their blues paddling out in the water, trying to look like they weren't watching and keeping an eye on them. Shards, he'd have to have a talk with Talanth and Dazalth too. Comfort them if need be, let them know it'll all be okay.

The shift in his weyrmate's tone drew his attention back, his muscles tensing at the increasing volume. He crossed his arms at his waist, a defensive reaction, and tried to keep his expression mostly neutral. Only mostly, the furrow and the mild frown weren't budging. A'mir's attempt to take deep, calming breaths was also meeting with mixed results. The inhales were fine, but the exhales were beginning to sound ragged with his trying to keep a level head in spite of the flaring emotion he felt. "I didn't though, did I? I am right here, plain as day, G'nik! You didn't lose me. I recovered. I am better!" For the most part, he still had to move and stretch it to keep his range of motion in his knee. His tone was becoming clipped.

"NO! I want you to accept that it happened and to move forward with me! Yes, it had been a close call, but. I. Lived. Having you constantly checking in on me makes me feel as though either you haven't noticed that I'm not laying in that bed any longer, or as though you don't trust me as I go on my way! I'm not going to do some damn fool thing to hurt myself further!" He couldn't take sitting any more. He pushed himself to his feet, careful not to knock over G'nik's wine glass. A'mir took a couple of steps back to be fully on the sand. He didn't want to tread on the brought food, even if hunger was the very last thing on his mind right now. He began to pace, a tight back and forth along the edge of the brought blanket. Sitting still was impossible with all of this built up nervous energy. "G'nik, I love you. To the absolute very core of me, I do! It just feels as though my injury has almost robbed me of the man I married. The man I let into my life, the one above all other who had the patience to deal with my mess and my mistakes, my distance and suspicion, and still wanted to know more!"

He cleared his throat, a lump having formed there. His pacing slowed to a standstill. A'mir's arms tightened around his waist as he drew his shoulders up. His voice quieted again. "G'nik...please see me now, as I am...I am here, wanting to leave the wounds in the past. I don't want what happened to define me. It shouldn't define me, or us. I don't want to let my threadscore stop me from going on with my life, and I certainly don't want it doing that to you. Live with me in the now, G'nik. We can move forward together..."  

[Thaliawen]

G'nik knew A'mir was better! But what was keeping him that way, if not making sure he was safe every once in a while? It wasn't like he always hovered over his husband! Shards, he'd planned a fun evening at the beach! He'd left A'mir alone for the majority of the day. "I know you are," he said. Something seemed to have gotten caught in his throat. He pushed his wine to the side, so it spilled off the blanket and into the sand. He stood, looking up at his husband.

"Of course I trust you." Words were hard. His anger had become something else, and he was having difficulty knowing how to phrase just what he wanted to say. Of course he trusted A'mir. It was Thread that he didn't trust. The unpredictability, the sheer terror that it caused... What if it took A'mir the next time? Which time would be the last time he got to tell A'mir how much he loved him? Which time would be the last time he saw him? He watched him pace, and rubbed a hand across his eyes. Move forward, right. It wasn't time for blubbering.

"I'm trying to, A'mir. Really. I'm trying. I just..." He couldn't get past it. "...I'm sorry I've gone and made you so unhappy, dearest."  

[Avid_RPer18]

His new stillness allowed him to watch his husband's face closely. A'mir had sort of bunkered up where he stood, bracing for the potential of escalating argument, for something. He listened, noting the hitch in G'nik's words. After a few long moments of stillness, of silence, of considering, A'mir tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and loosened his hold of his waist. He crossed the space between them to stand directly in front of his weyrmate, peering up into his eyes which were red, tears threatening to spring forth. Raising his arms to cradle G'nik's head in his hands, he sighed, angling his head slightly to one side.

"G'nik, know that it'll take a little more than a threadscore to get rid of me. I'm all gristle and stubborn determination. I'm afraid that you're utterly stuck with me." He sniffled as he nodded, his expression mock solemnity, as if delivering terribly grave news. Brushing his thumbs along G'nik's temples, he then shook his head. "I have no doubt that I worried you. Please consider this, I don't want you focusing so much on me that you forget yourself. When we're up there, fighting the scourge on our brave Blues, flying in formation in our own Wings, I don't want you craning around trying to spot me. You needn't forget yourself on my account, love. Of course I worry for you when we're up there in the thick of it, but I trust you, and Dazalth, and your wingmates to help keep you safe, to make sure you come back to me at the end of threadfall. Don't make yourself sick from worry on my account. Give yourself time and room to breathe, have dinner with your friends. Catch up with them. Doubtless, they'd love to spend time with you. If- if you're worried about what may be our last words to each other, 'I love you' can be our new goodbyes, or 'Until we meet again', or 'Be smart, be safe'. We can strike farewell from our vocabulary. I want you to be happy and balanced and I feel like, since my injury, you've been spinning. You living your life, not being in a nigh constant state of alert anxiety, doing what you love, letting yourself just have time to take it all in, living for you, for Dazalth, for us, will make and keep me happy."

He angled G'nik's head into a bow so that he could place a kiss on his forehead, then slid his hands to rest on his shoulders. "Promise me that you'll try. Make plans for dinner with your friends again, or even just grab klah some time. Create something amazing with those wonderfully talented hands of yours. Ask for help if you need it. I'm going to support you in whatever you endeavor. All will be well. I am here, always. We are here together. I'm the bad mark you'll never get rid of. Thick or thin, I'm there. Please, love, do this for me..."  

[Thaliawen]

G’nik swallowed.More than a threadscore, right. “Good,”he said, but he still looked worried. He was studying A’mir as if memorizing him. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his husband. He couldn’t stop the sound that escaped him. He couldn’t not worry about A’mir. But maybe he could worry less.

“I’ll try,” he promised. Make plans for dinner? He didn’t know if he could. He saw those friends every now and then, but it’d been hard to justify making time to see them when he’d been so worried about A’mir. He’d neglected them. Would they even want to see him? He supposed he’d have to try. “What should I make?” He asked. Something for A’mir, naturally.

“You’re not a bad mark,” he protested, moving to kiss A’ir’s cheek. “You’re the shiniest one I’ve ever seen. I won’t let anyone else take you.”  

[Avid_RPer18]

A'mir wrapped his arms around his husband when he was drawn in close, squeezing him affectionately, turning his head to rest his cheek upon his shoulder. Things will be okay, especially given time, understanding, patience, probably more so on his own part than that of his love. Not everyone was so keen on letting the past, especially the less enjoyable bits, be in the past. The promise G'nik uttered drew a small smile to his face. He sighed softly. "I know you will, love. I believe in you."

The question posed of him made him pause. Hmm. He leaned back from the embrace, taking a half step back to ponder. Trailing his hands along G'nik's waist, A'mir angled his head. "How about a nice vest? Something flattering, a nice cut and color, or pattern even. Something to be sported during Gathers."

A'mir chuckled at the kiss to his cheek. "No one will, my love. You've got me spoiled." He nodded and sighed. "Now that we've gotten the worst of it out of the way, perhaps we can enjoy our dinner? It'll give our boys a chance to maybe exhale," He indicated with a little nod towards Talanth and Dazalth out in the water. "You can practically feel the tension from here." He waved a hand to the blues out in the water. Talanth turns and dips low in the water to swim a little ways away to sheepishly hide his nosiness.

Thaliawen

Shall we wrap this up?

 

[Thaliawen]

A vest? G’nik studied A’mir for a moment and smiled. “I think you’d look nice in one,” he said. “A gather would be nice...” he almost couldn’t remember the last Gather they had been to. “I’ll make something nice,” he promised.

Dinner...he’d forgotten about it with their discussion! Shards. He gave a nod and began to sit down. “Dazalth is such a worrier,” he said. “We’re fine, boys!” He watched as Dazalth dived, coming up a moment later.

What, Mine? I was fishing, the blue insisted. The sunset was beautiful, and G’nik didn’t really have the heart to call his dragon out on his fib.

“C’mon Love, let’s eat.”