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Reply 44: Stairway to Poetry
2 of my works; please read and (hopefully) comment

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elilen

PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:31 am


I'm not sure how I feel about these poems, they're slightly different from how I usually write. I did one a while back, and the other fairly recently. Please comment on them if you can, or even suggest stuff.

I hurry up; there’s no time left
Is my mask in place?
I look in the mirror, practice a smile
And put on a perfect face
They’re all waiting, all of them out there
They’re all waiting to see
I glide in, all serene and calm
They’re all waiting for me
I come in the room, I check myself
Is the real me showing through?
It seems not so, I move along
I know just what to do

I do not disappoint
Nor ever do I fall
I go on with a smile
I am the perfect doll
No blemishes, no frowns
No cracks within my mask
I walk in perfect step
And no one thinks to ask

What’s happening to me?
It parts, to finally reveal
The tears flowing through
That I tried so hard to conceal
The endless thoughts that run
Through my head won’t leave me be
I try to hide away
And from all this be free
The masquerade is done
The calm that was my veil
Shatters and bares to the empty room
The façade that hid what was real

I cry unto the night
This is the truth hidden
That behind the perfect doll
Is someone tired of living
Each step I take anew
Each day that does pass by
Leaves another scar
On the mask that covers the lie

---------------------

Six more years
Before she disappears
None will be sad to see her go
She’ll fade away
Like night into day
None will ever come to know

Of silent tears in the rain
Of having to lie yet again
Of being so empty deep inside
Of having no place to run to or hide

The caged bird sings
She dreams of wings
To fly far away from here
But we are simple and cruel
We are too much of fools
To pay heed even though we are so near

Who is this shadow?
Why can’t they see
The caged bird within
Who wishes only to be free?

Is your voice lost from singing?
Is your head forever ringing?
Someone’s coming, be still and wait
Please try and be stronger
Hold on a little longer
Someone comes to free you from fate

Trapped inside the cage
Is neither sorrow nor rage
But hope, futile and brilliant
She waits.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:03 am


hm...i think it's good smile

Dewi opal

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the_forgotten_thought

PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:03 pm


the second one was pretty good,but the first one was outstanding!!!! dude, your awesome at this.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 11:20 pm


The first one was really good but the second one was even better! heart I also got the impression that the second would make a great song? 3nodding sweatdrop

Sikorka

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Clise

PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 11:45 am


the_forgotten_thought
the second one was pretty good,but the first one was outstanding!!!! dude, your awesome at this.


Ditto and she's not a dude XD
Let me know if you ever make a book, I'd buy it ^-^
Great job
exclaim
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:30 am


Thank you, to everyone 3nodding

elilen

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44: Stairway to Poetry

 
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