What is green and yellow and lies in a pile of cookie crumbs? A beat-up girl scout. ---------------------- 9
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:01 pm
Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins." "What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets." "That's really an incredible coincidence," he answers. "I work for the 3M Corporation." An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets. The man says, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence." After hearing this, everyone's attention turns to the fourth guy who has just fainted. He slowly regains consciousness and whispers, "I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers." ------------------------------ 18
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:01 pm
In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.
"Now don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there's yet another!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?" --------------------------------- 20
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:02 pm
Q: What's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? A: A squirrel on crack. ------------------------ or Hermione Granger
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:03 pm
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall? A: "Dam." ------------------------ 30
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:04 pm
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?" ------------------------------ Good question
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:06 pm
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven. ----------------- 39
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:06 pm
Q: Why did the mirror have holes in it? A: A moron kept trying to shoot himself. ------------------ That's not how mirrors break
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:07 pm
A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help." ------------------ 41
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:07 pm
A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute." The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone. ------------------- 42
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:08 pm
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. ------------- 47
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:08 pm
Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike? A: It was going too fast for her to get on. ---------------- 50
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:56 pm
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 11:36 pm
How do you know when a soprano is at your door? She can't find her key and doesn't know where to come in. - - - - - - - 11
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