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Day 3 :: Something you have to forgive yourself for
A few years ago I had met a guy at the community college I was going to at the time. We became instant friends and constantly hanged out during his time there. And then I started to develop a crush on him. I took all of the necessary precautions - determine if he was single or not, think over the flaws he may have and whether I would be able to handle dealing with it on a romantic level ((since flaws of my past boyfriends ended up being the downfall for the relationships)), and observed closely to see whether he had similar interests or not. As soon as I was absolutely certain that my feelings were true and not some random sparked interest of the moment, I gained up the courage and revealed my feelings to him ((this was some time after he left the college)). The timing wasn't perfect however. He had been given a job offer and was packing to head down to CA the next day. And to think I originally planned on doing it the next day. Anyway, he was surprised by my feelings, but said that he had a slight feeling that something was going on. He apologized that at the time he wouldn't be able to start anything because of his new job, and he didn't want to start a long-distance relationship because of the chance of cheating and what not. That was fine with me; I could understand where he was coming from. And he said that when he came back, we could possibly start something. Self, I can't blame you for getting excited by that news. For once, you had found someone you truly were happy with - even if you weren't at the romantic stage yet. And so, self, you waited. You wanted to prove that you would remain faithful... even if he did tell you that you were free to date others. But how would that happen? We have trouble finding any guy as it is. And if we do find one they usually are taken or uninterested. *sighs* None the less, we waited. And then... it happened. He returned but he wasn't available anymore. He was dating a girl he had met in CA. You weren't completely sure about how they had known each other or how they met... but you were devastated. Despite the cracks starting to appear in your heart, self, you kept trying to reason with yourself - he didn't make a promise he would get together with you when he got back; he told you you could date other people - that you shouldn't have to wait solely for him. But no matter how much you tried the cracks kept slowly inching to longer lengths. And as if the news of him dating wasn't enough, a few months later he reveals he has proposed to her. Let the heartbreaking happen. Time and time again, you thought, "That could've been me" and "What is so special about her?" We couldn't figure out what had happened. We knew it was the age difference, because his fiancee ended up being several years younger than us. We knew it couldn't be the long-distance issue, because the two of them are dealing with a long-distance relationship. So what was so special about her? Why her and not you, self? *shrugs* It took some time for you to get over him. But as they always say "You'll never truly get over your first love" - and that definitely was the case. You had fallen in love with him. It wasn't just some crush or a mutual liking relationship like the past romantic encounters. You had fallen and ended up breaking your heart as a result.

So, in the end, self, I must forgive you. You didn't purposely try to break your heart. All you were doing was trying to make your own dream come true. You were doing what others had told you to do - to stop waiting around and make things happen yourself. And so you did. And the heartbreak was the cost. But you learned from the incident and it's made us stronger. We still see him as the perfect mate... and as a result, we have a clearer idea of who our "Prince Charming" should be like. So... I forgive you... but we'll never forget the incident, for there will always be new lessons to learn from it as time goes by.

i get this a lot too; the girls i like, er, one of the ones i really liked has jonathan ( gonk ), and the other one just didn't like me. girls are so hard to meet...but sometimes i think it may just be me. i've been trying to change my self image since, so in a way i forgave myself too. 3nodding

i'll try not to, but i might not be a likable (desirable) person as it is sweatdrop
i've been trying to lose weight and all this dating sites and crap, but chicks aren't really interested, and that's a bad sign. it's funny b/c it's easy to get a guy, but girls are like, totally different. lol