PSI

[The Seasick Sailor]

Not be harsh, but to put it bluntly: she may be dead.  

[Iron_Felix]

Maybe.. But I will not allow myself to go into that state again. I just wont.

And she cant be dead, I would have found her spirit by now. Its been nearly a year of searching.  

[Efstathios]

I don't think she's dead either. More and more I think the only way to find her might be through psionic energy, as that's how she was lost.
I'm afraid though, that the price of bringing her back may be too high.  

[The Seasick Sailor]

Hahaha! Don't be ridiculous. Besides, equivalent exchange, right? (Well, that's an alchemist thing, but I'm the general philosophy can be applied to all aspects of life.)  

[Iron_Felix]

Shes right. The price I would have to pay would be far too high... I must meditate on this more.  

[Efstathios]

Wind to thy wings.  

[Iron_Felix]

Its hard. Knowing that I could possibly save her, but also knowing that to do so would mean the deaths of others. Innocent others.  

[Efstathios]

One friend or a dozen strangers?

sad

I do think that if you could control your powers, you might be able to bring her back without paying the price of inexperience and recklessness. If you tried now you might cost other lives and still be unsuccessful. You don't understand that part of you well enough yet, if my thoughts are correct.  

[The Seasick Sailor]

I would most definitely pick the friend over the strangers. If few dozen people (whom you have no connection to) die, who cares. They shouldn't mean anything to you. And, think about this--what knowledge would your friend have, what experience could she share with you if you brought her back?

Kill the many, save the one. It's worth it.  

[Iron_Felix]

But I cant control them. Not yet. I could try, but it would jsut turn out like last time..... Id lose another friend. And how do I know that those people arent other friends? or Family? Or even either of you? I dont know.

How do I know what state she would be in? The time could have passed in a blink for her. If she came back, she might not remember anything. Or, she could know everything. Absolutely everything, and in humanly form, the body cant hold that much information. She could die instantly. And how do I know she wouldnt hold a grudge against me? Try to kill me as soon as she's free?  

[Efstathios]

I don't know why. but for some reason I think it's the "blink of an eye" theory. I think she's o.k. and should stay that way, but I don't know if the girl I saw was really her. I have no way of knowing.

The thing that gets me is, I think of losing the people who mean the most to me, my lover, my mother, my sister. All people I have had nightmares of losing...And I realize that I inflicted that pain on someone else.
That I'm lonely and miss someone, but they'll be back I'll get to hold them again. But the innocent families of the people I killed feel that loneliness so much more profoundly because they will never get to hold them again.  

[Iron_Felix]

And that is why my conscience was taken away. I didnt lose it, it was removed. I often think along those lines, but dont care. If I lose someone close, I know I'll see them soon. I dont cry, I rejoice. As for those I kill, I dont care. I make sure they have a proper funeral atop a funeral pyre. (I live in Canada btw, hiding a funeral pyre is bloody hard, not to mention the smell.) That is the only respectfull way to pass.  

[Efstathios]

Well, I can see how a conscience would be an impediment.

A cremation is a respectful way to dispose of a body. Also a good way to get rid of evidence.

I know that if I lost someone I'll see them again, it's just that other people don't have that comfort. I can now deal with death, but back when I had those nightmares, before my sister died, I couldn't. So I know forever what it is like for someone who is innocent to lose someone. To me, death is only fate. As much a part of life as living and just as worthy of grief. In other words, not really worthy of it at all. I'll cry a dozen times for life, but only once for death.  

[Iron_Felix]

Death is part of life, people dont want to aknowledge it. I havent cried in a long time... Tears show weakness, and that is something that I cant afford.  

[Karrobher]

I'm certain that I'm way over my head but maybe she's the price you unknowingly paid for a power increase... but then again, if you didn't feel any difference in yourself, I guess she just might be too far for you to feel her. Just outside your boundaries. Like a blind spot or something.