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Seems like that's the same with me, too.
Okay, so tomorrow is Christmas. But I'm still not happy much at all. Especially for the fact that I have to spend it with my dad. Not fun. Hope you--and anyone else reading this has a good one though.
Anyways, I still feel like all my friends hate me, and it seems to be appearing more and more. They spend the whole day with each other, knowing I'm at home, doing nothing, being bored. Then they come when they only have about 10 free minutes and start talking about the great day they had together. Is there something wrong with me? Am I the one that should be trying to get together with them more? I'm confused, especially since this has been going on for years, and it seems to happen with most of my friends. I'm nice to them, I let them do whatever they want at my house, I try to happier around them. Isn't that enough? Even though they don't do the same for me, and don't seem to do the same for each other, I still feel like there's something wrong with me. But I guess I always feel like that.
And I know this "long winter break" I have is going to go by quickly. We only get about 1 1/2 weeks off anyways. Not like I usually have much to do at home, but of course I'd rather be at home than school.
Besides that, I still feel as insecure as usual...Woo.

That sucks. Yeah, my dad seemed to pretty much try to disappoint me with getting crappy stuff. The best thing I got was music cards. But yeah, I'm pretty much used to any seemingly good friends to betray me. I guess I'm not cool enough. And yeah, that's kinda how it feels for me, too.

Wow, you're 12 huh? What are you so insecure about? You have a bright head on your shoulders and you're doing something that a lot of people my age and older do not do- you're talking about your feelings of depression. That's Commendable enough.

I do wonder about your so-called friends though. Why hang around people if they don't pay you the same respect you give them? I know you're pratically a teen and all but seriously, it's better to find and hang arounf peers that pretty much have the same interests that you have and who repsect you. You Owe that much to yourself.

I don't know how much deeper your story really goes but I hope you remember that you have a support system here. A lot of us have had experiences like yours. We can help you out if you need to talk a bit. mrgreen

Dear do your real friends know that their friends make you feel like crap? I had a freind once who noticed that not everyone in the group was nice to me. He made sure that I stayed close to him. Every time some said something rude or mean to me he made it a point to do it back the preson. Then later he'd tell me not to listen to them. But not everyone notices. Maybe if your real friends know about how their friends make you feel they might defend you.

Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. And, wow, I don't think I started depression that early, that's amazing. And np, I'm lazy like that, sometimes I skim through first posts too.

To Precious:
I've mentioned it to who I used to think was my friends, but she was just kinda like "oh, what?"
So, now I've realized they aren't exactly great friends anymore, since they don't seem to care. And you're lucky, I really wish I had the kind of friend you just described there. But, after all, I'm so young. Maybe I'll find something better soon, as much as I don't believe it.
But still, I'm going to try to make them notice it more.

Oookay, here's a long story:
So a short while ago, the "friend" that is probably the worst when it comes to how often she insults me, developed a crush on a guy. They both equally have disgusting minds. One day, HE decided to, as several people told me, put his balls in her face.
Keep in mind, this is a type of girl who likes to make everything dramatic, really dramatic. However, I was in the same room, not far away from her. Did I hear her scream? No. Did I hear her making some big story? No.
But, two people who I do trust were there and saw it. They told me. Then I asked the girl it happened to if it was true. She admitted it was and said "oh eww!!! It was so gross!!!! NASTY!!!"
But it's odd, because while then she admitted it and seemed freaked out, she hardly makes anything of it anymore. Kind of like "yeah, so some guy put his privates in my face, it's disgusting. Whatever." Again, this was also the same guy she liked then and still likes.
BUT! Some guy asked her out, and she is CONSTANTLY making a big deal about it, saying how nasty it was. However, all he did to her was ask her out. She's really over-reacting about that, however not seeming to care about the other incident.
Again I repeat, she admitted, he admitted, and several others who were there admitted that they saw the weird thing happen.
Now this happened several days ago:
(Don't remember how this came up exactly, but similar situations happen all the time.) She said something like "oh, she looks like a slut!"
I made a joke, as she always does to everyone, asking "oh, how do you know?" She replied saying "because I'm looking at one right now!" And laughed like I was really offended. However, those type of insults are the type of insults that I KNOW are never true. I wear almost nothing but hoodies and jeans, never had a bf (don't want one at the moment to be honest), yeah, you get the idea. You all know that's just ridiculous anyways.
So, I accidentally blurted out (since there was a mirror behind me anyways, and I thought that if there was any right time, it would've been there): "Oh yeah, almost forgot that you let a guy put his balls in your face..."
She said "OMFG I DID NOT!!!!!" But, even one of her most loyal friends who was there laughed at her, agreeing with me and said "oh yes, you did let him."
My question is this: Does anyone here think I should really think harder before I say stuff like that? I feel stupid saying insults like that at my age. But at the same time, she didn't seem to bother me much for the rest of the day, and distanced herself further away from me. It felt nice to have her off, you know?

My dad treats me like that a lot, too. But then again, I only see negative things with my dad.
And today ALL of my friends sat at a table with one another, without caring whether I'd be with them or not, even the seemingly good friends. That's when I realized that not once can I ever recall a time any of them, or any friend of mine, has ever really waited for me, or made an effort to make sure I wasn't alone. I've tried so hard with every friend I can remember to make sure they never felt alone. I guess being nice really doesn't pay off after all.

But, I guess that leads me to just not caring anymore. I mean, I'll still try to be their "friend" but I'm definitely not going to go out of my way to do anything nice for them until they do it for me. And I agree with you, the insults I've gotten really DO grow on me in time. Because, now, when I used to think I was fairly smart, okay looking, etc, it is truly impossible for me to think like that now. It didn't really start to happen until I started hanging around with that one girl, either. And I know it wasn't only the whole "adolescence" crap.

Kudos on what you said to that girl who "jokingly" called you a slut. It was very witty, mind you, and well deserved on her part. Being nice may seem like it doesn't pay off but trust me, you don't want to be a rotten b***h later in your life.

You can be a nice person w/ some limits you know. It took me years to learn this and even now I still fall back into my old school sharing-is-caring moments. You just have to learn to balance it out a bit.

Things may seem quite shitty for you but it seems that you'll be able to develope what I lack- a thick skin. You have a strong character for one so young. You remind me of myself when I was your age. Actually, I think you're stonger than I would have be when I was twelve simply because I have a twin (it may seem like a good thing but the both of us had serious issues back then. We were rarely seen as individuals until we turned 18 and she only added to my problems)