Welcome to Gaia! ::

I used to be on Prozac, but the problem was the person I was when I was on it wasn't ME, it was weird. I was all happy and hyper and stuff

I need a counselor, but the one I had didn't ask me very many questions. I need a counselor who will listen, is proffesional, and asks questions, because for therapy? I don't break the ice, I just find a way to sidetrack so I don't have to talk about my depression as much

My older brother had depression. He went through the whole medication and therapy process, and eventually got better. Now that my parents know that I have depression, my mom wants to send me to a doctor and get me on some medication. I told her I didn't want to see a doctor or go to therapy or anything like that, because it would make me feel like a crazy person, thus making me hate myself even more. And besides, for the first couple of months that my brother was on medication, his depression worsened, and I just don't want to go through that. So me and my mom came to an agreement. She won't send me to a doctor, but if I break down like I did last weekend, she'll give me one of my brother's old pills to calm me down.

Ummm, call me an idiot, but I can kind of relate to you. I hate prozac because it makes me feel numb, it was the only med I ever really did take... oh, if you don't have the doctor help you get off of it... well, I don't know exactly but I got a REALLY bad rash and it was driving me crazy.
My family has had a history of depression as well I believe, and I never knew I was depressed either. My parents don't know I have suicide attempts but my mom has found my suicide notes. My therapist was in "training" and she really didn't know me that well or tried to get real deep with me.
I'm just a book closed too tight, and then I'm open and you're reading me, I got those secret hidden meanings so I'm often misread.

Well... lets see...

*starts ticking things off on fingers*

1.) I took St. John's Wort for a couple years. It worked ok at first (although it made me light sensitive.... err... MORE light sensitive. Finally it got to the point where it wasn't doing anything at all.

2) My Physician gave me Zoloft and Seroquel. Those had nasty side effects of essentially removing all motivation from me and killing my libido, and actually did nothing to help my depression.

3) Finally went to a psychiatrist, and he took me off those and put me on something briefly that just made me incredibly anxious and violently ill. I don't remember the name. Rispardal?

4) He took me off that and tried Effexor XR, which I was on for about a year and half, until it quit working too. He backed me off that until I was taking a really small dose in conjunction with Welbutrin, Lorazepam (for anxiety), and Trazadone (for anxiety and sleep)...

Truth be told, I'm still not feeling all that great, and I'm subject to bouts of depression and anxiety frequently. The best it seems to manage is the reduce the time I remain that way. The odd thing is... although *I* can't see a difference, I've been told by others that they *DO* see a difference.

So, does that mean the meds are helping and I'm just too close to the problem to notice? Or does it mean I'm just better at hiding it around people to make them think I'm ok?

question

I was on Serqouel for a while, but it made me violent and easily angered. When I came close to punching my best friend in the face, I told my shrink I wanted off of it. She put me on Abilify...which did nothing to help me. I didn't feel any different and people said they couldn't see any difference. So for two years I've been off meds and having panic attacks, nervous breakdowns, and having rapid mood cycles. I'm bi-polar with schizophrenic tendencies is what I've been told. And then the next doctor told me Borderline Personality Disorder. I did some research and what person my age doesn't have BPD? I don't trust doctor's judgment when they diagnose me. My aunt is very much bipolar, and I don't feel that I act like her in the least. Even my mom said I don't show much bipolar tendencies. I don't know what to do because I cannot afford medication because I'm unemployed. But I can't get a job because of my social anxieties...I have panic attacks in the middle of work and hyperventilate and start crying hysterically. I need something to control that so I can actually function like a normal human...but I can't get the medicine because I have no money. Cute little cycle x.o

I'm not on meds. Effexor XR made me fuzzy, Welbutrin made me apathetic, and Prozac made me psychotic. After that, my doctor wanted to try stimulants, starting with Concerta. ******** NO.