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 Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 10:24 pm
HeartBroken
My heart is broken.
On my tears I'm chokin'.
Never hoped to find myself like this.
So much I hate this dark abiss.
I wanna die.
Ball up and cry.
So hard I've been trying.
So far my soul keeps dying.
Too much to take.
It was all a fake.
I should have known.
It should have never been shown.
You broke my heart.
Can it be fixed?
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 8:46 pm
It's good
oh and by the way you spelt abyss incorrectly
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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:55 am
will the flood behind me? It was okay.
I think it was too spaced out and a little broad.
Try not being so sterotypical while writing depressing poetry.
It better reflects yourself. put out the fire inside?
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 4:43 pm
Meh. It missed something, but it was not too bad. I have written/read worse.
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 6:12 am
||(¯`•¸·´¯)•·.·´¯`·.·•(¯`•¸·´¯)||Yooh .had. brokken .miie. heartt .all. overr .agaiin. 一点点痛的感觉it lacks emotions to me.
needs some improvement.
almost there 加上一点我对你的思念
Budd .it. d0nt .hurttedd. mii .no. more
||(¯`•¸·´¯)•·.·´¯`·.·•(¯`•¸·´¯)||
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Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 9:20 pm
Every {time} I bleed, ~there~ lies the reason -to- live...
===============~{The Final}~=============== Seriously, it seems like everyone is writing this crap nowadays. "Oh you broke my heart!" "Oh I wanna go die." It gets old. People dont seem to realize that there are millions of peoms just like this that dont even deserve to be called poetry because it's some wannabe emo illiterate 14 year old scribbles. Children need to stop writing this poetry *If thats what it deserves to be called anymore* and find something better to do than whine about a broken heart. Then again I would suspect nothing less from a MCR fan (It's true MCR does this crap to people)
Did what I say even make sense??? Because I cant tell when I'm tired... ===============~{The Final}~=================
...And I (-discover-) words _becoming_ so vivid and bright.
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 12:45 pm
Heh. I understand that most adult poetry is much better. But then again, children generally do not understand how to express emotions beautifully yet. They need to sort of practice, if you will, in order to become skilled at poetry. Even though I find myself skilled, I still need much improvement. Perhaps it was one of her first pieces... my first pieces were rather miserable. She will become a better poet. The thing that they need to remember is: Quality over Quantity. It is better to have one great poem than to have a bunch of crappy ones.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:02 pm
ur poem was good but simple, to easy to understand, people like it if u work outside the box, inside it, then blow up the box. u stayed inside the box, literal things work good when using a metaphoric language. for ex.: I hear there is a thin line between love and hate......... but what happens when your standing on the line. ~written by me
this is only my opinion hope it helps but i want u to know that it was a good poem 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 6:58 am
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:39 pm
You did very well rhyming and stuff,but there wasn't anything extraordinary about it to me,it seems alot like the millions of other poems people can find all across the internet.
length might help though,and maybe specify a certain situation to make it unique and interesting for a person to read.
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