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 Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 6:35 pm
Sorrow’s Tears
By AzureFlame
Tiny and crystal, they run down her face,
With perfect timing and wonderful grace.
A short, defined journey they have to pursue,
Embracing thoughts and feelings too.
She’s broken down; they’ve dug a hole,
She’s fallen in; mind, body, and soul.
There’s no chance for her escape.
This is they end, her final fate.
By and by, the hours pass,
Never knowing how long it’ll last.
They continue to fall like dead autumn leaves,
Expressing despair and igniting much grief.
She kneels to the ground, hating her life,
Remembering all the pain and strife,
She buries her face in trembling hands,
She has not enough strength to stand.
They drown her; steal her air to breathe,
She has no choice but to sob and grieve.
They descend to the cold, hard floor.
Hiding her pain forevermore.
And so she’s trapped in sorrow’s land,
Praying for someone’s helping hand.
Left alone in endless fear,
Forever imprisoned by sorrow’s tears.
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Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 7:12 pm
Comment? Feedback of any kind is appreciated.
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Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:40 am
wow! thats excellent! soo sweet. I need a hug now, its that powerful!
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Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:42 pm
Thank you kindly! Oh, and here's your hug. *gives MimmMimm a hug*
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 11:51 am
thanks. i forgive you for the disney comment now. I kick disneys B-hind.
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:17 pm
MimmMimm thanks. i forgive you for the disney comment now. I kick disneys B-hind.
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Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 5:41 pm
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Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 8:26 pm
I like it. It's very nice. This is just a pet peeve of mine, but I don't really like the solid rhyme scheme that has little variation to it. The poem is good enough that it could continue to flow without the rhyme scheme trying to drag it on, while in this particular case, it holds the poem back.
You dont' have to change anything, though. Your poem is fine. Just keep in mind that for your next poem, you don't need to keep a solid rhyme scheme. Try experimenting with different styles of poetry, like writing in free verse next time - your writing is good enough that you could pull off different types of poems quite nicely. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 3:36 pm
TheFateOfTheUniverse I like it. It's very nice. This is just a pet peeve of mine, but I don't really like the solid rhyme scheme that has little variation to it. The poem is good enough that it could continue to flow without the rhyme scheme trying to drag it on, while in this particular case, it holds the poem back. You dont' have to change anything, though. Your poem is fine. Just keep in mind that for your next poem, you don't need to keep a solid rhyme scheme. Try experimenting with different styles of poetry, like writing in free verse next time - your writing is good enough that you could pull off different types of poems quite nicely. 3nodding
Indeed, I have written others which are free verse, and I must say that I prefer free verse poems over rhyming ones because I can express my ideas more easily.
This poem was a challenge for me to see how effectively I could communicate my ideas through a more structured form. It drove me nuts because I felt quite constrained, but I am surprised about how well I got it to rhyme!
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 6:36 pm
I got the feeling that you were feeling constricted! You did a really good job with the rhyming, though, since it made perfect sense, the way you rhymed it.
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 4:26 pm
*hehe* Thank you kindly. Oh, I would like to read some poems that you have written too. I value the inspiration offered by the creativity of others.
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 5:29 pm
*randomly dances alone* (n.n) *hehe*
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