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 Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2006 9:57 am
Okay, well me and my boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago. It didn't really bother me- he lived about an hour away and I didn't get to see him much. We called each other a lot, but still, it's not the same. I had a gut feeling that he was cheating on me or wasn't interested in me anymore for months before anything happened. I thought it was just me worrying since we didn't see each other often.
So I was almost relived when he broke up with me and the first few weeks were fine but now I've realized something. I've noticed that instead of relieving me of my worries and thinking about him a lot, it's only made it worse. I'm not generally a pushy or bossy person so I only ever told one person (my best friend) that I constantly thought and worried about him while we were going out. Now I think about him way more, I don't know why, I've moved on, it didn't really hurt me but I keep running over our time together and our conversations. It drives me nuts but I can't help it! I've tried thinking about other things and distracting myself but nothing works.
I know when reading this you may think something like, 'It's just some teenage girl who got dumped for the first time and is just being an over-reacting drama queen.' But anyone who really knows me would knock out someone for thinking that way of me because I've never been this way before, and I'm not just making a big sceen out of a little problem. This is really haunting me.
Can anyone help me?
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 6:20 pm
well, for one, if thinking of the conversations and all drives u mad, i wouldn't say u r over this. u r, of course, the only one who can tell for sure, but that's just the thought that comes to mind when i read that. second, u don't have to be a pushy and bossy person to think and worry a lot about the person u r seeing. if it was something solid enough to trully mean it when u said/thought "he's my BOYFRIEND", then i'd say it's perfectly fine to feel worried; it's only normal. of course, u shouldn't be bossy and be telling him what to do 24/7. u could have simply suggested things, and it'd have been ok. what i don't understand is why u felt relieved about breaking up with him....and why u didn't ask him anything [as far as my knowledge goes, of course] when u thought he was cheating on u. i don't know evrything, but i do know for a fact relationships need A LOT of communication, and maybe there wasn't enough of that....i really don't know, but that could have been it. talking a lot on the phone doesn't really mean true communication. u could talk about trifles all the time, and that, i'd say, isn't really communication...not the kind a relationship needs to keep it going. now, as for the rest....well, i think maybe thinking of the convs now bothers u for the fact that they rn't there anymore. perhaps u got slightly used to them, and now miss them. if not that, try thinking what exactly are u worried about. u say u worry more now...well, give it some thought: why? what r u afraid of? what concerns u so much? don't think about ur convs or times together [unless what worries u arises in them]. think of the "problem" itself. something's bothering u, and u need to figure out what it is. ok...well...that's all i can come up with. hope it helped, even if just slightly sweatdrop 3nodding whee wink
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 11:59 am
well, clearly, he was more special to you than you thought. perhaps you shouldn't necessarily go out with him, but still call him? I think you really enjoyed talking with him, but since you aren't completely broken up about it, perhaps you only liked him as a very close friend? you will have to make the move though.
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 6:46 pm
I never questioned him about cheating because there wasn't anything to ever prove he was or why I thought he was, it was just a strange feeling. I think what I'm worried about is that, we had planned to go to the same camp at the same time, and I think it would be really akward if that were to happen. I really don't think we can be friends, it would just be way too weird. Even though that may sound like a bunch of bull, it's true. I felt relieved, because now I don't have to worry about him being a bad boyfriend or me being a bad girlfriend. I just think about him a lot in general.
It doesn't bother me that we're broken up. I almost see it as a chance to be more open with other guys. I'm fourteen, I don't need to be worried about an ever lasting relationship, I don't think I ever will- that's just the kind of person I am. I think my biggest problem is, I keep thinking about what will happen if we come face-to-face again or even just talk on the phone, and what I'll say or do if that happens.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 12:29 pm
Ayllin I never questioned him about cheating because there wasn't anything to ever prove he was or why I thought he was, it was just a strange feeling. I think what I'm worried about is that, we had planned to go to the same camp at the same time, and I think it would be really akward if that were to happen. I really don't think we can be friends, it would just be way too weird. Even though that may sound like a bunch of bull, it's true. I felt relieved, because now I don't have to worry about him being a bad boyfriend or me being a bad girlfriend. I just think about him a lot in general. It doesn't bother me that we're broken up. I almost see it as a chance to be more open with other guys. I'm fourteen, I don't need to be worried about an ever lasting relationship, I don't think I ever will- that's just the kind of person I am. I think my biggest problem is, I keep thinking about what will happen if we come face-to-face again or even just talk on the phone, and what I'll say or do if that happens.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 2:35 pm
That's good advice, although I'll most likely never 'see him around.' We live an hour away from each other and neither of us can drive. We don't go to the same school or have any activities out of school that we both do. The only time I ever really got to see him was when we aranged everything.
Another thing is I'm not sure if I want to get back together with him. I just want to stop thinking about him. I don't even know if I want him to be my friend. Really, I kind of just want him out of my life and to move on- but that's really hard since I think about him all the time.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 6:43 pm
arrange something with him sometime then, and if that's really the case, then you're just thinking about the good times you had with him. reminiscing, I believe.
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:44 pm
But how could I do that casually? We broke up and we haven't said a word to each other since, it's been nearly a month now. Plus I'm still not sure if I even want to get together with him. Like I've said, I sort of just want to forget about him. I still want to remember him, just not think of him so often. Does anyone have any ideas for that? Ways that I could get my mind of him.
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:00 pm
Ayllin Okay, well me and my boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago. It didn't really bother me- he lived about an hour away and I didn't get to see him much. We called each other a lot, but still, it's not the same. I had a gut feeling that he was cheating on me or wasn't interested in me anymore for months before anything happened. I thought it was just me worrying since we didn't see each other often. So I was almost relived when he broke up with me and the first few weeks were fine but now I've realized something. I've noticed that instead of relieving me of my worries and thinking about him a lot, it's only made it worse. I'm not generally a pushy or bossy person so I only ever told one person (my best friend) that I constantly thought and worried about him while we were going out. Now I think about him way more, I don't know why, I've moved on, it didn't really hurt me but I keep running over our time together and our conversations. It drives me nuts but I can't help it! I've tried thinking about other things and distracting myself but nothing works. I know when reading this you may think something like, 'It's just some teenage girl who got dumped for the first time and is just being an over-reacting drama queen.' But anyone who really knows me would knock out someone for thinking that way of me because I've never been this way before, and I'm not just making a big sceen out of a little problem. This is really haunting me. Can anyone help me? You're just going through a part of human nature. As soon as you see something you want, you REALLY want it. As soon as you have it, you want it a bit less, but as soon as you lose it, you ABSOLUTELY MUST GET IT BACK!!!!!!! Just find something to take your mind off of your boyfriend for a while. (Not another boyfriend razz !!!)
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:39 pm
Okay, but what? I've tried everything I can think of! gonk
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:23 pm
Okay, I don't know how this happened, especially in the space of a few days, but, all of a sudden I'm completely over it. I don't know if it'll be back, but the past 2 days I've been sick and unlike every other day I haven't thought about him. I don't know if it's me being cought up in being sick or if I'm over it. So, thanks everyone for your help, it made me feel a lot better. Hopefully it won't come back.
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 9:51 am
it's great if u got over it. however, don't try to force urself into it. that doesn't work, it'll come back major afterwards. but if u really, REALLY, got over it, that's great. maybe u realized sumthin and that triggered the change
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