Welcome to Gaia! ::

Well, I'll put it bluntly. My life is kinda hectic. At first, it always seemed so happy.

When I was younger, I was happy. I was careless. But, there was something I never knew of. My father was abit abusive of my mother, so they divored early, and she started seeing someone else.

He was nice, and he cared. Sure, he drank, but was never abusive. He HATED to strike anyone. Unless he was fighting a guy. Then that was a different story.

Anyways, they were dating as I was growing up. I really liked him. I even called him "Stepdad, Dad, Daddy", and other things. He taught me many things... excet the truth.

You see... they were druggies. Mom and Jody smoked, drank, and they did drugs without my knowledge. I never knew what they did. We even lived next to some crackheads, but I didn't know.

That family of crackies were nice to me. They babysitted me at times. But, they also stole from me. So, fast forward to the present. Months back, I learned something terrible.

You know how parents make money from Child Support checks, and welfare and such? Well, that's what I was there for. A fast buck. Mom and Jody always treated me so well... so they could keep getting their s**t.

My whole entire life... I was USED for drug money. Like I was a coupon, or a food ticket. I was SHOT into depression from hearing it. Naturally, I was already depressed because of high school, jealousy towards the couples there, and obviously, girls.

But, it just got worse. For the next few months, I masked my depression, and bottled it up. But, I never could go to self-mutilation. I always tried, but failed. It only grew worse.

That's when my mom started running, and I just kept getting worse. Then, at summer's end, I was getting happy. You know what? Right back into depression. The girls were even worse this year. I just tried with them, and failed miserably.

Then, just recently, last friday, I tried to be unique. I donned an outfit of all black. Also, I wore these sleeve warmers from my favorite store, Hot Topic.

So, I wore this outfit, just wanting to go through the day, without a problem. Guess what? Insulted much? Hell Yeah! My friends, and even people I don't know told me I was gay, asked me if I was gay, or even came up with other s**t.

I was outraged. I got a few nice comments, but otherwise, it was horrible. I got so mad, that I felt like suicide was better. But, I decided becoming a goth might show better. Even though it might not, I thought so.

Any advice?

I see... Well, my mom's straight again... and I do like the idea of starting over. But, I don't wanna move away from all the people I know and love.

Well I cn think of alot of reasons why these people acted like they did, but the one tht stands out to me is tht maybe becasue you the suddend choice in clothing you may have shocked them causing them to see a side of you that they werent used to and had never seen before. Now I know this isnt a correct way for people to act but sadly this is how most people learn to react to such changes.

I am sorry you have had to del with all of this. I cant say that I know how you feel on alot of it but I do know how you feel with the last part of you post. I have been there.