[PRP] When You're Down and Out

[demon_pachabel]

Shanaloth was a very frequent sight to see when it came to the Dragonhealers. For many, her level head was soothing - no amount of upset of a dragon who had been hurt seemed to shake her and sometimes it was simply a more helpful thing to be than just a healer.

Don't be a pest, Vetica reminded her beloved as she watched the green making her rounds, nudging a sore face here, trilling at another there. Some returned her greetings with some familiarity, while some more riled (whether from their nature or out of pain) would snap their jaws at her for the attempt at familiarity. She'd simply ho-hum the offender and continue on.

I'm not being a pest, she insisted never the less.

She paid no mind to the continuing stream of judgement as she continued her rounds. A stream of judgement that stopped when she rebounded it with a sharp alarm that Vetica recognized as target spotted. Someone so grey, so sad, so broken looking that Shanaloth could not help but beeline towards them. Vetica finally moved from her spot to chase after her lifemate, but it was too late. The green had settled in not too far from the downer looking bronze, kreeling towards him.

Tell me, dear, why are you so sad?

Hattaki

 

[Hattaki]

Everything that could hurt, did hurt. It wasn't just the cracked vertebrae in his tail or the crack in the bones of one leg, the tear in one of his wingsails or the stitches that raked up one side of his body, it was Yudueth's entire being. When he'd hit the ground, gratefully from not very high in the air yet, ichor had covered what had once been considered a dragon, possibly. On impact all the color had drained out of him, shine long gone and markings simply apparent thanks to a darker shade of gray. Even his eyes were dull gray, no glow to them at all. Tsuyat had arrived only moments after he'd hit the ground, but despite his rider's connection to him, there were too many humans and dragons that had surrounded him at once that he'd simply... closed down.

Where he'd been a heap on the floor of the Bowl now he was stretched out to his full length at the Dragonhealers, one leg splinted and his tail held straight by another. Really all he wanted to do was curl up and ignore the world, but Tsuyat hadn't gone anywhere, staying right beside his head with an arm wrapped around one of his head knobs in his sleep. Inevitably the man would wake up sore thanks to how slumped over he was sleeping, but he had quite the grip in his sleep even, making it impossible for Yudueth to move his head much let alone help his rider lie down correctly.

As such it was a shock to him to hear a creel that was clearly leveled at him, but one glance had him nearly sink further into himself. It was a green he'd just insulted and upset, taking the bait for her flight when he wasn't in the right mindset for it, nearly ruining her chance to shine. Erinyeth likely would never forgive him and that was bad enough, he could only let this new green as well.

It's always sad to learn your place, or to be put in it. You seem as though you have a good one, you should focus on it. Don't concern yourself with useless lumps. The shine didn't come back to his eyes or hide as he spoke, in fact the colors never even shifted as his voice spoke flatly in her mind. Despite the shift he'd made to his head, almost forgetting the pressure of his rider's weight there, Tsuyat didn't budge.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

The answer Yudueth gave didn't seem to sway Shanaloth from doing more than swishing her tail across the ground as she settled onto her stomach, leaning out to gently press her snout against one of the bronze's cheeks. Ah, you certainly seem to be more of an injured lump, rather than a useless one, dear. It was a gentle protest, but still protest never the less.

His dreary tone was both something she enjoyed so, but also could not tolerate to be. Like an exterminator who knew there would always be work rooting out tunnelsnakes. A brain-tunnelsnake, perhaps. Did you have a bad fight with one of the other dragons? she inquired, looking over the splints and bandages before resting her head against the ground so she was at least a similar eye level.

It wasn't long before Vetica had her lifemate back in view, allowing some distance as she crossed her arms. There was no room for her to interrupt now - especially now that she could see the nearly grey dragon that had gathered up the green's attention so. In fact, Shanloth was nearly glowing with delight (and hopefully nothing else anytime soon).

Hattaki

 

[Hattaki]

Injured... Useless... both accurate and correct terms for what is altogether a worthless dragon. Knocked from the sky by claws in a flight that shouldn't have taken him to chase in the first place. If Yudueth could have covered his foolish head with both of his wings or even one, in that moment he would consider it a welcome chance. Even with the light touch of nose to cheek he didn't perk up other than to cast a glance upward at the small green, not even fully curious exactly as to her interest.

As far as he was concerned she was simply confused but it made the slight bronze confused as well. The only emotion outside apathy that he really felt in that moment to be exact, which was even more confusing. Yellow touched at the edges of his gray eyes.

Why was a green showing him any sort of interest? Didn't the entire Weyr know by now what had happened in the sky that left him on the ground?

Close proximity from another dragon's head in general seemed to be rousing his rider, but Tsuyat didn't ease up his grip around the head knob he'd slung an arm over. Eyes opening for just a moment, he glanced over at the green himself and arched an eyebrow before tilting his head back and closing his eyes once more. Pain and depression had flooded through the link connecting him to his beloved bronze and while he was fighting back against it as he had been for weeks now, the phantom pain in his leg and back made it just a touch harder. He'd been awake all night making sure Yudueth was comfortable and exhaustion pulled him into slumber once more.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

Then make sure to tell every other injured dragon here that they are the very same - because most of them are also here because of fights they did not win of some sort or anotther. Whether it was Threadfall or simply a fight with one of the others, one was not at the healers because they were a winner.

Still, she sat patiently, no frustration in her mental voice. So clearly you think yourself worthless for some other reason, dear. Tell me, what is it that has you so grey in the hide? the question was punctuated with a soft kreel as she inched her head closer, turning one green-and-blue eye upon Yudueth as though she thought perhaps it would help.

Flights simply weren't as big of a deal to Shanaloth as some others may have taken them for, so it was hard to see that as the root of everything.

Vetica tugged gently on her connection with the green, if only to gather her attention. Don't be a pest she reminded to which the green nudged her back. I'm not. I just want to hear him out. It's fine, love.

Hattaki

 

[Hattaki]

Shanaloth's words made him start at first, enough to jar Tsuyat completely awake as his eyes turned an even darker shade of gray with realization that he was insulting all the other dragons around him. Was it true? Yudueth hadn't meant anything bad about them, they weren't hurt for foolish reasons, ripped down during a flight they'd had no business joining. Most of them had been wounded during thread and he knew that there was nothing more admirable than that, not really for a dragon anyway. One of his rider's hands came up to rub down the length of his muzzle to his nose and back up to one of his eyeridges, not knowing exactly what it was that had made his bronze feel that way, not knowing the words that had caused such a start, especially not from such a lovely green.

You're okay bud. He whispered mentally and took a deep breath as if to wake himself up, glancing around until his dark eyes fell on Vetica. "Your pretty lifemate then?" As with all things, he said it with a smile, even if it was a weary one, but he didn't jerk his thumb or head towards the green that he was so obviously talking about.

A mistake, but that shouldn't be twisted to include dragons wounded by thread or accident. They aren't worthless in any way like myself, leaving a small one so far away without a word of goodbye. How did he exactly describe to a dragon that his 'twin' was a human that he and his rider had failed to even speak to before the restrictions that affected both Weyrs? Would Shanaloth understand what he meant and the emotional weight it bore to him?

Something like a keen came from him as he turned his head towards his rider, or more like leaned really given how he couldn't move his head but a smidge. Close as the little green was, he didn't demand that she back up, possibly a sign that he wasn't exactly giving up so much as wallowing in his own pain, but he knew that and had been silent about his own foolishness. When the world was all shades of gray every day even before this occurrence it was hard to suddenly see all the good and light surrounding him. Brain wanted what it wanted after all, and Yudueth's was always looking at the cup half empty.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

Ah, the sadness of regret. Shanaloth shifted so she could lean more of her weight into Yudueth, offering soft mental touches that weren't quite a nod of understanding, but a hum of interest.

As her lifemate mulled over such a trial, Vetica turned her gaze onto the young man who rested against the bronze's head. Her expression tightened, though not into a scowl or anything resembling it, giving Tsuyat a look of consideration. After a moment of thought, she nodded. "Yes. She fancies herself as helping at the moment," she said looking back to Shanaloth.

Did you do it to be mean? By nature, a mistake is something that can be fixed, dear. Surely your small child would still love to hear from you and know she is loved. Of course, Shanaloth didn't suspect she was the only one to have suggested such a thing, but she had to suggest it first. A lingering silence will hurt more - or would you want them to go on thinking the worst of your lack of farewell?

She nudged his cheek again with a soft trill, offering platonic adoration as though it would help. Perhaps she hoped it would.

Hattaki

 

[Hattaki]

Such things were so confusing, why a green would show him such interest when he was down so low, why her mental touches were blooming with interest, but at the words of her rider at least the small bronze could understand if not completely grasp what was happening. Or rather... not understand at all. So she was interested and attempting to help? Why help such a dejected creature as himself? The thought alone earned him a pat on the broad side of his nose that made Yudueth sigh into only his own rider's mind. "He took a bit of a hit, between my cousin who he cared about a lot going to High Reaches and landing in a heap during a flight. Not much of a fighter, this one." Tsuyat said with a sad chuckle as he gave his attention back to the younger woman standing not far off. "But you never know, maybe she can be of some help. I certainly haven't been."

A roll and he was sitting so that his body weight wasn't against his lifemate's neck any longer, elbows resting on his knees as he looked up at Vetica without much emotion on his open face.

Never, but there were duties that needed to be heeded and with her new hatchling lifemate I wouldn't interfere by speaking to her so. Yudueth left out that Tsuyat had at least sent Soui notes as often as he could, even if he wasn't sure that Preserve was getting them to her with no response of any kind. No, that stung even worse. I'm certain she already thinks the worst of me.

A low creel escaped him but the dragon leaned his head a bit into the nudge so his cheek was against hers.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

"There is no flaw in not being a fighter," Vetica answered, scratching the glawscow scar on one side of her face. Ah, if she'd looked pathetic once with her burns and scars, she was now in good company amongst so many others now marked the same. "There is nothing that sadness changes, however," except to draw the attention of Shanaloth like a sponge.

The petite green listened intently to Yudueth's tale, sympathetic to the careful line that he was trying to dance around. How easy it would have been to blame him for his ills - that such things hurt because he let them and made no effort to fix them. But all things didn't work in such a fashion.

Resting so her head could lay on the ground next to him, cheek to cheek, Shanaloth thrummed. If you love her so much that it hurts you, I am sure she loves you just the same. She could not think the worst of you so easily, surely? Do you think your small dear so capable of it?

Hattaki

 

[Hattaki]

"Honestly I prefer it this way, if he were a fighter like some of the others it would be much more of a danger. He might be down for now but he won't stay this way forever, at least he never has before." Tsuyat cast another glance back at Yudueth and Shanaloth so that he didn't have to look at the woman's rather impressive scar. No thread could create that sort of mark, only a blade and a wicked one at that. "We've all had our fair share of fights though, be they physical or mental. I'll take the mental sort for now." At least the physical ones would be more forgiving, yet more dangerous in reality it was better than being the way he was. Give him all the mental pain that his dragon might have something to heal from. "Sadness just reminds us to pay attention to the happiness when it's available, really."

What happiness though, it was hard to recall in that moment of his self loathing, his hatred of his own actions. I don't know that she would ever forgive me or love me once again, but I can hope. Her heart is bigger than both of mine could ever be. Yudueth admitted, hoping that his small twin wouldn't hate him forever. Especially with a bonded, maybe she would see the logic behind the action, behind the need.

It wasn't his own pain that was reflecting itself so much in the dragon though, even if he claimed it as his own and wore it so outwardly. It was with this that he allowed Shanaloth to try and lift him back up, but it didn't feel as though it was working, not when all three hearts that made up their being were saddened. Just that alone made it harder, that he was made so depressed by a perceived loss and then his rider was worried nearly sick with sadness over how he had reacted to everything, how he'd fallen after a flight he'd stupidly answered the call to when he had no right.

No, it made him realize that he was beyond foolish and deserved such a fate, not that he would curse his rider to this sort of feeling forever. But carrying it, bearing it in his hearts for the rest of his turns, seemed sufficient payment for his wrongdoing.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

Vetica studied Tsuyat, especially when he looked away from her. She was used to that. If it had been Threadscore, it would have been different. Familiar. Earned. She was something else - a picture of the malice one would inflict upon innocence. Vetica held in the desire to touch the mark, the feeling of it tender and raw imprinted on her soul even years and years healed. Sadness, huh? "Sadness is the same as pain. It is telling us that something is wrong and desperately clawing at us to fix it. A cry for help." Vetica had cried out once with that desperation. It had sent the most perfect being in the world stumbling into her arms.

If Shanaloth could not fix something, it was because it didn't want to be fixed.

The green mulled about quietly with Yudueth's woe, like a piece of parchment she was carefully unfolding and smoothing out. Patiently, without rushing, careful, careful. And what will you do if she does not? Shanaloth asked, no judgment but still ever so gentle. As you are right now, how will you be the dragon that deserves to be forgiven? Yes, if he did not feel as though he deserved such consideration, such kindness, how would he change that? Certainly you will not make her carry the burden of finding a way or a reason to if you think one does not already exist? she would spin the situation to put the ball in his court. The difference between 'how do I make someone fall in love with me' and 'how do I become someone worth falling in love with'.

Would talking to Erinyeth make you feel any better?

Hattaki

 

[Hattaki]

Both eyebrows pulling together, a sad look crossed his face, almost a grimace of sadness as he thought of something that might need fixing. Something that was broken enough to cry out for help. He'd never really had to experience that in his life, something that he realized had spoiled him most likely. Not that he'd never suffered pain or experienced sadness, he had in droves, but never this desperate sort that Yudueth was going through.

Was he somewhat desperate to help the dragon find a way to get past it so that he wasn't all but crushed by it any longer? Certainly. But even now his heart and skin hadn't been touched with such a barb that would have him know it first hand. When the time came for it he was certain it wouldn't be kind. "You're right, but this isn't something I have much knowledge of. Hopefully Yours has more luck with him than I have, I've just failed the poor guy over and over being the idiot I am." Tsuyat offered a chuckle as he looked back up at Vetica curiously.

A jolt of ice seemed to stab Yudueth at Shanaloth's carefully worded question. Gentle as she was being, she was also direct to the point and she wasn't wrong to be. He wasn't a rock headed bronze under usual circumstances but nothing seemed usual anymore. In reality, it had only been a short time and now was more 'usual' than he was willing to admit. What exactly had he lost for them other than a rank, especially his rider?

No, I was hardly a dragon that deserved to be forgiven even before. Merely one that existed and had the fortune to know her through a bond. A flash of orange made it's way through his eyes for a brief second as Yudueth thought on himself. Of course he was pathetic and unworthy, his pessimistic nature gave him all the freedom of his free moments to think on the negatives of life and he took them and ran quite often. It made him all the harder on himself now than another might be. Soui should not be forced to find a way to forgive anyone, she's too kind.

But a snort pulled from him after a moment's thought. Not quite, Erinyeth likely has no forgiveness in her heart and I wouldn't expect her to either. It was hardly her fault what happened, just a fate that was entangled in what should have been a good night. He was a pall on things, but asking for forgiveness wouldn't help in this. Yudueth respected Erinyeth too much.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

"Shanaloth has a lot of experience with it," Vetica assured, crossing her arms. "You're not an idiot for not having experience. You're inexperienced. It's different." she added with huff that almost sounded like a small laugh at Tsuyat's expense.

Shanaloth, ever patient, continued to gently push and needle at those sore edges that Yudueth was slowly exposing to her. Ah, so much woe and the more she dug the more he had to pour out for her to look over. I was not asking how Soui could be forced to forgive, dear. I was asking how you become better than these unkind words you have for yourself. Do you have some kinder words for yourself? Find me some, okay? She soaked up his pessimism, spinning it inside of herself to find some goodness in it.

The green pressed her nose between the bronze's eyes contently, offering a soft hum of comfort. Erinyeth was a lot of things, from what Shanaloth had been able to tell, but unforgiving seemed a bit of a stretch. Still, she kept from saying this. Surely Yudueth would only find some ammo towards self deprecation in it. I am certain it was still a good night for her. Just as I am enjoying your company now, I am sure she found one who's company she enjoyed as much.

Hattaki

 

[Hattaki]

"Honestly I'm not sure what's worse, having experience in this for when you need it or being lucky enough to have never had to deal with it until a certain point. Could be dumb and blind luck on my part of course." Tsuyat had dealt with pain and suffering and loss, but never with depression this deep and regrets. Generally he lived life as regret free as possible by simply talking out his feelings, idiotic or otherwise. But an entire rank had slipped between his fingers as he'd done what he could to be an aid to his bronze dragon. Now they were both broken for his inexperience. Vetica's laughter and the way she crossed her arms as if to dismiss his own personal thoughts were enough to pull a joyless smile from him. "At least there's room to learn if this is going to be the state of things from now on."

For his part Yudueth simply sat in thought, wondering at what 'kind' words there might be for a dragon such as himself, broken after chasing when he shouldn't have, neglectful when he should have been watching others. Yes it was all his fault and maybe that was why he had no kind words for himself. Maybe that was why the silence drug on as his mind whirled trying to think of one good thing he'd ever done. It was a gentle push from his rider and a word plucked from thin air that seemed to almost fit the situation even better than it had before. Yes he'd been that word more than once, but it had been his duty as a wingsecond's dragon, there was little room for ego when one was watching a wing. Humble...

The humming press of her nose almost had him puddle beneath her for a moment, his body working towards becoming the stone around him warming just a bit. It was nice to have the touch of another in a positive way, or rather one that wasn't just his rider.

Hey now with that. 'Just' is harsh. There was a weary humor in Tsuyat's mental voice all the same that had Yudueth chuckling himself, if only for his to hear.

It had only just begun, surely she found someone worthy to spend the night with, one that flew bravely and well. As he hadn't. If he hadn't fallen he wouldn't have met Shanaloth in this way though and that... wasn't bad. It was better than that but he wouldn't allow himself the chance to be optimistic about it given his circumstances.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

"They are worse at different times. You will find the balance needed for it," there was no advice she could give as to how Tsuyat would, however. "You'll never get rid of her if this is how it will be forever," Vetica could feel Shanaloth's contentment through their bond. The green didn't wish ill upon others, but she took a certain extra joy in wading through the dark burdens of others to offer them from her wellspring of love and support. She would have felt purposeless without it.

As Yudueth hunted for his word, Shanaloth hummed patiently. She would have sat there all day letting him sort through his thoughts to pick which one would fit what she was asking for. That is a very good word, she crooned appreciately, rewarding his effort with a small wave of affection and rubbing the side of her head against his forehead. Can you find me another one to go with it? I know there is one!

You're enjoying this, Vetica mused, a warmer smile spreading over her face as she watched the green. Was this not what the little dragon did best?

And when you heal up I am sure you will do the same - both against Thread and in pursuit of whomever you desire to. She would not entertain any unshared woe, but wouldn't let the unsaid sentiment rest harshly either.

Hattaki