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There were times that Amatyala thought herself too harsh: on the newcomer, on those that changed their ways, on the careless and outspoken. Then, on nights like these when the memory of her parents hung like a ghost over her head, she remembered why that fear of the unknown would never quite be banished from her heart. Her family had taken in a harbinger and ruined not only the stability of their lineage but nearly the entirety of the pride.

Was it too much to hope that others might learn from their mistakes?

The bright lioness made her way to the riverbanks on blind steps, sweeping forward like a haunt that had repeated this journey a dozen times over. Night was quickly becoming her sanctuary, the only time she could explore her pride in peace from her own terrors - the newcomers rested, oblivious to her troubles, and she took her peace in their absence. It was beyond her to be openly aggressive but it was asking too much of her to interact with them when she could not break free of the chains of her paranoia.

She slipped down to the river and closed her eyes to drink the sweet, cool water as it rushed past on a night tide. It was some minutes before she brought her head up and opened her pale eyes onto the sight before her: a male who, in the dark, she did not recognize. It caused her to flinch at first, startled and gripped by a wave of fear, and she was nearly about to turn and burst back into the direction she had come when she realized exactly who it was.

"Nche?" her voice was soft and quiet, as if she were afraid someone nearby might come looking for its owner. She was scarcely older than he was and yet he had rocked the foundation she had built her entire life upon. It wasn't in her to be cruel, even to him, but his presence did fill her with some emotion she could not quite put a word to. Grief? Irritation? Disappointment? No.

"Are you here alone?"

It wasn't lost on her: he looked absolutely dreadful. He was a young soul laden with too much responsibility and tasked with so many choices that she couldn't even begin to fathom what it must be like.

So she didn't.

Her mouth pursed as she watched him go through his anxious, avoidant motions but could not deny the sigh of relief that exhaled from her chest. Stitches of tension unwound themselves and, for once, she felt at peace in the company of someone else - even if that company was mostly responsible for her overwhelming sense of dread.

At least he's not a rogue.

"Yes, I find that being alone is a lot easier for me these days." There was no point in hiding how she felt, especially from him. His visions were no secret and though she had spent less and less time in her social circles of late she was not entirely without knowledge of what happened in her own pride. Her pale eyes swept over him after her curt answer, taking in all the signs he displayed over a soul overwhelmed and stretched too thin.

"You can stop pretending to be happy for a second here, if it helps. I don't need you to smile for me." The words were topped off with a dismissive shrug before she dipped her head to drink again.

The grin was unexpected, as was the laugh that followed it, and by the time she pulled her lips from the surface of the water her eyebrows had risen in silent wonder at where he found so much damnably positive energy.

Of course, he then took that opportunity to just.. flop over.

His positive attitude hadn't brought a smile to her face but his defeated, honest exhaustion and the way he poked fun at himself just a little with his actions, well, that did make her laugh. It was very, very soft, but it was there, breathy and gentle as breathing. It had been a long time since she had felt calm and peaceful enough to laugh with anyone and for once, she thought, she might spare a moment to let her guard down. There were no rogues here, after all. Only a girl and the priest that had turned her world on its head.

"Well, I suppose I've never thought about it, really," it was an easy topic and enough to persuade her to take a few steps closer before she sat down. It wasn't much, but it was enough to suggest she would stick around to talk with him. She had just opened her mouth to dive further into their easy-going conversation when he cut her off by poking his claw right into her sore spot. Every muscle in her limbs went taught as he drudged into that territory without question and though she had only just relaxed enough to sit, she suddenly very much wanted to bolt until her legs gave out. Luckily, she did have a few shreds of dignity.

"No, I'm not okay." Blunt was her style and she saw no reason to sugar coat the truth, at least not with this and not with him. "I wake up every morning waiting to see if anyone has gotten sick and I spend my entire day avoiding every new face that I see on the off chance that first anyone happens to be me."

The words felt good on her tongue, her fear felt less powerful given voice. At least for the moment, here, with only Nche and not a single rogue soul to bother her. She blew out a long sigh that made her hair tuft waver over her pale eyes and took the chance to look away from him and up, instead, to the moon that hung low overhead.

"I have become only my fear, I think."

Amatyala didn't miss the way he watched her, even with her eyes turned forward she could follow the motion of his head out of her peripherals and it sent a long shiver crawling down her spine as he studied her so openly. Still, she didn't look back at him, not yet, not while he was talking and spinning her the reasons behind his decision to petition for the acceptance of rogues back within their borders.

It made her angry; angry that he was bringing it up again and angry that he thought she did not understand the reasons behind the benefits. Her jowl clenched tightly and as his words died in the air between them she, at last, turned her pale eyes down to look at him where he lay sprawled at her side. She didn't want to show how upset she was - not to him, not to anyone.

"My fear is not upon your shoulders, Nche. I know why you have done these things and I understand how it will benefit the pride but fear is not rational," an irritated sigh fluttered past her jowls as her words failed her for a moment and she wished, suddenly, that she had not bothered to greet him at all. Living with the knowledge that she could neither control her worry or move past it was difficult and on her best days she was peaceful in her solitude - on her worst?

She shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts and pushed herself to her feet abruptly, attempting anything she could to pull herself away from the chasm he had opened beneath her feet so unknowingly. It was always there, threatening to consume her whole, and she always felt balanced on the edge. One wrong word could send her down, down into the darkness..

"I know that you are right, I know that this is best for us, but I still.."

What did she say now? What could she possibly put into words that would express this grip of frigid terror that held her by the throat? She could feel her heart rate picking up pace and every muscle in her body went rigid with chill. All she could do was press her paws deeper into the soft, malleable river bank to try and steady herself.

The space between panic and reality was a strange realm, where everything moved on as it was meant to but where she felt suspended in time. Her heart beat in her throat so loudly that she heard it like wings against her ear drums and everything around became a distant plane that she was no longer anchored in.

Then, after a moment, she became aware of the feel of weight against her hip - the pressure of a chin along her forepaws. Beneath the sound of the beating wings she recognized his voice, pleasant and alluring, dragging her back from the grip of terror that seemed ready to settle between her shoulders at a moment's notice. After what felt like hours, the beating of her heart abated and left her to drag her eyes away from whatever meaningless sight they had locked upon to, instead, fall and settle on the pale male that was curled up so closely to her of a sudden.

It was odd, looking at him so close, but somehow incredibly comforting in a way she had never expected. Relief swept her so swiftly that she could feel it stinging behind her eyes and every bit of her felt raw in the wake of her fear but, instead of running and hiding from him, she settled herself down again and curled closer to the comfort his proximity provided.

Perhaps she had been doing this all wrong, perhaps what she had needed this whole time was simply a little companionship to anchor her in the storm of her thoughts.

"Lucky thing," she said softly, tired and weary and too relieved to hide either even as she made an attempt to put some humor into her voice. Her head settled next to his and her eyes shut as she took slow, deep breaths filled with the scent of his fur.

"What does it feel like? Seeing what you see?"

With her eyes closed, Ama really tried to imagine what he was describing to her. A picture that had to be felt, knowledge that just entered the thoughts unbidden. It felt like something from a wild fantasy, a tale her grandmother would have told her when she was a cub, but she knew very well that what he was telling her now was hardly anything close to fantasy. She just couldn't quite grasp the idea no matter how hard she tried but she could feel it in her soul that the way he described things was the truth; even if he represented the key to her greatest fears, she had never doubted him.

"Some things aren't meant for others to know," she murmured softly, keeping her voice low. She was afraid that if she spoke too loudly she might pop this bubble that they had formed around themselves. Even if it was just for a moment, only here next to Nche, all of the weight of her worries and fears seemed to dissipate. There was no one but their souls laid out next to a riverbank, beneath the stars and the heavens above them. If she had been a storyteller, she was sure this would have been the stuff of inspiration, but she wasn't. She was only Amatyala.

The pink lioness drew a deep breath and felt her ribs widen beneath her and the way it increased the pressure of his side against hers. She didn't want to open her eyes and admit that they were anywhere but a safe, secluded hollow meant for just the two of them and so she didn't. They stayed shut, blissfully unaware of the world around them and focused only upon his warmth and the gentle sound of his breath next to her ear.

"Do you mean sleepy tired or exhausted tired?"