[PRP] Soft Friends [Zelaya/Sylfie]

[ShinosBee]

Life at the weyr was...entirely too overwhelming at times. Zelaya had only been present a week, perhaps, but already she had become...more or less accustomed to the constant, perpetual feeling of being watched. How did anyone stand it? It made her skin crawl, and more than once had left her aching for a moment alone to gather herself. Those brief breaks between lessons and chores were what she lived for. She didn't mind the working hard...but she felt so alone, most days, and worse, overstimulated by the noise and bustle. She'd yet to even locate or meet her father, and the isolation, on one hand, was worse than even she enjoyed, and on the other, was her only solace.

Which was why today she found herself tucked into a mostly abandoned hallway in the lower caverns, somewhere near the records rooms, or perhaps the kitchens (And wasn't the weyr simply huge? How did anyone keep from getting lost?), taking long, deep, calming breaths and forcing herself to imagine her home forests. It took a few moments to calm down, before she felt herself pulled together enough to start heading back towards the rest of the weyr. The sight of one person, then two, three, more, threatened to bring the anxiety rushing back in...but she'd fight through it. She had to work hard, after all, and not disappoint anyone. If she'd only had someone to confide in, though...

She boldly kept an eye out for the rest of the day. It helped the time pass, and by dinner, she realized that she hadn't had to step away again, if only because she'd been so caught up in her hunt for potential friends. One or two candidates seemed approachable, but as she quietly buttered a slab of bread, lingering in the slowly dwindling crowd, one young woman stood out to her. Smaller than even herself, though perhaps less slight, she seemed young...though Zelaya couldn't quite put a finger on her age. Or her name. That was slightly intimidating...but something about her seemed equally as...almost lost, as she herself felt. That probably meant she could use a friend too, right?

With another moment to compose herself, Zelaya stood and made her way around the long table towards the woman. "Excuse me," She gingerly approached, only realizing in the moment that perhaps the reason the woman was sitting alone was because she wanted to be. Oops. "Uhm...sorry. Are you new?" Her tone was hopeful, wide green eyes seeking out some sort of confirmation. "I am too, and...well. I'm Zelaya," She dipped in a slight nodding bow, the sort given to a peer, though even that was a bit formal, maybe, for meeting someone over bread and stew.

Meepfur

HERE IS A RANDOM START IS THIS OKAY? Working under the assumption that Sylfie doesn't have or wasn't wearing her knots, or wasn't near her gold? Zelaya would be far too timid to approach otherwise.

 

[Meepfur]

Today had gone much the same as every other day had since she'd come to High Reaches; she would start out tentatively hopeful, eager to work if nothing else, but by the end, Sylfie was exhausted. Not physically - if anything, the remedial 'weyrling' training she was receiving was less physically demanding than the farm work she was used to - but mentally. Socially. A certain handful of people were fine (probably, maybe), but she fretted regardless, and those few she wasn't in the beginning stages of becoming comfortable with...well, those were a trial. A fairly constant trial, at that. She had no real rank and she never would (if she had any say in it and anyone else had any sense at all), but she was still a new goldrider, which made her both a curiosity and an unknown element to be assessed. Her days were full of polite introductions and tedious niceties, and the gnawing, ever-present concern that she would say something that would make her look foolish.

She was beginning to wonder if it mgiht be better if they did think her foolish; maybe then people would be more likely to leave her alone. Of course, she could just end up with more lessons instead, etiquette and more politics and Faranth only knew what else. 'How Not to Be a Farmgirl,' basically. She liked being a farmgirl. She wanted to stay one. Sharding Thread had gone and ruined everything. Couldn't it have at least...waited? After a thousand turns of nothing, why did something have to happen now?

Chin in her hand, elbow on the table, Sylfie sighed and pushed her food around her plate. She'd deliberately waited until late to come down to dinner - and hadn't put her new knots on, because she was tired of them already thanks to the unwanted attention they tended to bring - and she'd been hungry then, but something about the meal just wasn't appetizing, now that it was before her. It wasn't bad, but...it wasn't her mother's cooking. One more item to add to the growing list of everything she missed about home, one more reason to want to be there instead of here.

She was too busy wishing her food would turn into something better to notice someone approaching, and didn't look up until she was addressed, blinking up at the other young woman for an awkwardly long moment while she gathered up her melancholy thoughts. "Oh. Hello." Soft and a bit flat, accompanied by a fleetingly wary look until she schooled her expression and mustered a smile. No one of immediately obvious importance, which made her feel slightly better about the unasked-for company, as well as a bit bad for sounding so...unenthusiastic. She ducked her head in silent apology, shoved her hair behind her ear, and tried with partial success for a more genuine smile. "Sylfie. 'm Sylfie. And new, yeah. Hi."

ShinosBee

IT IS A PERFECT RANDOM START. And this is a slow and awkward reply, hello.

 

[ShinosBee]

Oh. Oh dear. She felt rather bad, seeing the other girl slowly come to the realization that she'd been spoken to, and then the hesitance and worry across her face. She understood those feelings entirely too well, and really, if she herself had been the one approached, wouldn't she have also felt rather shy? Her own form shrunk slightly, the weight of guilt for disturbing someone who clearly was having a rather maudlin moment pressing down on her. But Sylfie's smile seemed genuine, and it coaxed a small one from Zelaya in turn. Maybe she'd only just startled her. That made her feel less poorly about having done it.

"Oh. Well, that's good. Not that you're new, rather, but that we both are." She waffled a moment or two, and then took the seat next to Sylfie's. She didn't scoot any closer, not yet, but just standing there looming over a potential friend seemed very rude. A long silence dragged out as she searched for what to say. Taking the social initiative was not common to her, and she desperately wondered at how the more social of her peers could manage it so effortlessly. "I was at Balen Hold, before this," She finally offered. "If you've not heard of it, that's alright. It's very small. And the Weyr is...very large."

"How, how about you?" She hadn't seen Sylfie among the other candidates, but she also had made...relatively little effort in getting to know them. And there really were so very many.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Sylfie watched the other girl's reaction, her expression and mannerisms looking not so different than her own probably did, and felt a bit less intruded upon for the fact that she was so very nice about it, and a little uncertain and halting. The initial greeting had caught her off-guard, but Zelaya hadn't simply barged over and plonked herself down or been otherwise overwhelming, so it was alright. Not that she had no concerns whatsoever, but this was...doable. Probably.

"I haven't, but my geography's not...not the best," she admitted sheepishly, but also with the hope that the other girl wouldn't think she didn't know because it was small, or not important, or...or something like that. "'m from Nerat. Not- Not the Hold proper, just...just a farm."

"It is very big," Sylfie agreed about the Weyr, "And...hard to be new." Compared to life on her parents' farm, she'd found Ista overwhelming, but the island Weyr paled in comparison to High Reaches. She imagined Ista was now overwhelming compared to Ista as she'd known it, actually, doubtless with many more riders than when the bulk of the population had been retired pairs.

ShinosBee

 

[ShinosBee]

Ah. A farm. She could relate to that. She had a whole hold to claim as her home, but...they'd been very small. And most of the time she'd been out in the fields, the forest, tending growing things. The similarities made her smile, just a little. "I've never been to Nerat. I...maybe could find it on a map?" Did that sound like she was trying to one-up Sylfie? She sure hoped not. "Maybe that's it?" The thought had just come to her. "It's so much louder. And...and not green enough."

A beat later, she added, "...Unless the greens are flying around, I guess." That was...that was definitely a joke. Right? She smiled, but it was a weak thing, unsure of if that sort of joke would be well-received. Better just forge on ahead. "It seems like everyone...just knows what to do. Where to go." She wouldn't admit to still getting lost on the trip to the storage halls or records rooms. Her hands fiddled idly, gripping her own wrists and then letting go. Socializing was so very challenging.

"Have you made many friends yet?" She dared, peeking up through long lashes at the other lady. "I've...tried to get to know a few of the others, and...A lot of them were born here. I don't think they quite understand the differences."

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

"Not green enough at all," Sylfie agreed, and though it took her a moment to catch up to it, did smile at Zelaya's little joke. It was a cute one! And better than she would have come up with. "And it's cold. Really, really cold." The young woman shuddered just thinking about the current temperature outside, and the snow. Faranth, High Reaches was miserable in the winter. She'd been having some trouble before, but now that everything was cold and dreary...it just made everything feel worse.

"You...get that feeling to?" she said then, eyes widened slightly, almost hopeful. She felt so very alone sometimes, like she was the only one who didn't know where she belonged, or how to fit where she was supposed to belong. It just didn't feel right, ever. "I feel like such a dimglow all the time, like I'm just...never going to catch up, or be right."

"I...don't know if I have," the young woman admitted, dropping her gaze self-consciously. "Some people have been...nice. But I don't- I don't know if I can say they're my friends. They're probably just being nice."

ShinosBee

 

[ShinosBee]

It...was really nice to know that she wasn't alone in finding the stone and ice and snow of the weyr visually unpleasant. She understood, of course, why green and growing things wouldn't do well here. The altitude was all wrong, and with thread back...and flaming dragons...no, it was no place for growing green things. "Some if the inner rooms are warm...I wonder...maybe the headwoman would allow a small garden?" It was a lovely thought. "But, oh...no sunlight." As soon as the idea came, it went. Thread meant heavy metal shutters on any outer windows, and while the inner ones were warm, they were dark, barring candlelight. They were doomed to be plantless, it seemed.

She fixed her new...friend? (hopefully, maybe, eventually) with a somber look, nodding quietly. "Like there's an entire world of...of things that you never needed to know about, or knew about, but not nearly enough, or in the wrong way, and everyone around knows it only that one way, so it never occurs that you might not know, or might know it differently." It'd be like growing up with a harper that had personally retuned all the learning songs. You might know the general idea, but when you were tasked with singing along, it sounded so wrong, and you just knew that everyone else knew you were doing it wrong.

Her brow furrowed, mentally running back over her own interactions. "Why...is that bad?" Wasn't it a good thing, to be nice to people? "Better than them picking on you...or teasing you, right?" Not that she'd been teased. She hadn't bothered to hide her parentage, but neither had she gone trumpeting it around. Apparently the Weyr didn't put much stock in, well, your stock. So different from Holds, where who you were born to could dictate your entire life. "W-well, I hope that you do, soon. Maybe it'll make it a little easier?"

She wasn't quite brave enough to offer friendship. They'd only just met! How presumptuous that'd be, especially after having just asked if Sylfie had made any friends. It'd feel too much like taking advantage.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Sylfie looked a bit hopeful when Zelaya made her suggestion, but that hope faded as she corrected herself. It was too bad, really - it would have been ever so nice to have a bit of green. Just a little piece of home, of something familiar and good. All this stone was safe, sure, but it just felt...wrong. Cold, and dark, and sad.

The young woman nodded agreement. "Exactly. It's...it's so frustrating! And Faranth forbid you- you don't get it the first time. Or mix up who's who, or what's what, and you just get that look." Of someone trying to be patient, trying to be helpful, but there was only so many times they could repeat something before that 'really?' expression came over their face. "There's just so much to remember, and- and you have to be good at all of it, somehow."

"No, no, nice is...good," Sylfie attempted to clarify "Sometimes it's just...hard to tell if someone is being nice because they like you, or just because they're nice." Did that make more sense? She wasn't sure! "And since I don't know, I...it doesn't feel right to say that we're friends?" Thus far, when people sought out her company, it was less because of who she was and more about what, and she was reasonably confident in assuming that most people who did approach her were ultimately underwhelmed.

ShinosBee

 

[ShinosBee]

If Zelaya senses the disappointment in Sylfie, she was kind enough not to mention it. And she didn't need to—she felt the same. Just a little patch of nature to brighten the day, somewhere she could pour her time and attention that wouldn't require talking...though, some crops she'd heard did benefit from being spoken to. That had always struck her as odd...but she had always worked with trees, not the faster growing, softer plants.

It really felt like they'd been through just about the same thing. "Like it never even occured to them that you might not know what they want you to know?" Her voice dropped to a near whisper—they were still in the middle of the dining hall, though no one seemed to be paying them any mind. "It took them turns to learn it when they were crechlings, so why do we have less time...?" And then her face paled, blanching, and then blushing with hot shame. How could she say such terrible things? The weyr kept them all safe! "S-sorry...that...I shouldn't talk like that." She'd been raised to be well-mannered! What would Z'tir say to hear her disparaging about the state of the weyr's education?

The urge to bolt came on strong, but it'd be even more rude to simply leave, wouldn't it? She took a few calming breaths as Sylfie explained her position on nice vs. 'nice', and managed to calm down...no one had overheard. And Sylfie herself had already admitted to feeling the same. She'd done nothing wrong...though she'd definitely think twice before saying such things again. "I...guess that makes sense." It was hard to understand why someone would be nice just to...be nice? Being nice just to be nice sounded rather like just being polite...though something about how Sylfie said it made her think of the rare boy or girl in the hold that had tried to coddle up to her, knowing her father (though not her sire, she hadn't known about him then!) had some standing. That sort of niceness wasn't really niceness at all. "It's a shame that you have to figure it out that way...it'd be nice if people being nice always meant it, wouldn't it?"

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

"It's...I-I think it's okay to talk," she tried to reassure her new, sympathetic acquaintance-maybe-potential-friend. "We're...we're not saying anything bad about anyone, I'm sure...I'm sure the candidates complain about lessons to each other all the time? The weyrlings, too. I kn-know we did at Ista." Mostly she had listened, really, but she had maybe done a little complaining now and then, with the handful of people she'd been comfortable with.

"It would be nice if people always meant it when they were being nice, but I guess...I guess it's better than always saying what they think, if they're...not really nice?" On one hand, they were lying, in a way, but on the other hand, they were maybe trying not to hurt feelings? Or else just saying what they thought they were supposed to, for...whatever reason. Either way, it was probably better than hearing what they really thought about her, the awkward goldrider floundering in remedial lessons.

ShinosBee

 

[ShinosBee]

"Oh, so, you were a candidate at Ista before coming here?" It seemed strange to transfer halfway through, but she was sure Sylfie had had her reasons. There was nowhere better than High Reaches to serve Pern and train yourself to be the right kind of dragonrider. "As long as no one hears, I suppose it's alright. Right? Not, I mean, not that I have much bad to say. It's just different, that's all." It half sounded like she really believed that, and half like she was trying to convince herself of it. The last thing she'd ever want to do was to speak ill of her father's home, her father's brothers and sisters in arms.

"I...would like to think that I'd prefer to hear the truth," Her brows scrunched at the thought though. Some people could be needlessly cruel, and not everyone's truth was the same truth. "If it could just be said kindly, and with the other, the other's feelings in mind...maybe it wouldn't be so bad a thing?" Such a tightrope to walk! This was honestly why she preferred the company of trees. No need to worry about saying the wrong thing.

"No one's been picking on you...right?" They'd only just met, and Sylfie was the older of them, had been here longer...but Zelaya was starting to think of her as a friend. Her first friend, at the weyr. And if someone was making life hard for her, well. She couldn't do much, but maybe she could do something.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

"Mm," Sylfie confirmed quietly, not quite realizing that the other girl was assuming she was also a candidate; she'd rather forgotten by this point that she didn't have her knots on, and was just obliviously enjoying having a conversation with someone who understood. "Hes and I went home for awhile after we graduated, but...here we are. Cold." The young woman's lips curved into a tiny smile. "Even if anyone did hear, I don't...think it's anything that would get us into any trouble. It's just differences, yeah?"

"I think you might be a little braver than me, I...I'm not sure I'd always want to hear," she admitted. "If there is a kind way to say it, maybe, but otherwise..."

"No, they haven't." She shook her head. "I wouldn't be surprised if people say things, they're...people. But no one's said anything to me, at least." For all she knew, no one said anything at all, but her mind always helpfully imagined that they did. Or maybe they were nice enough not to say anything, but still...thought things.

ShinosBee

 

[ShinosBee]

"Hes?" A sister? Or brother, maybe. Somehow she imagined a sister for Sylfie. Regardless, she was not too familiar with siblings. Or maybe just a friend? Someone the same age, that was sure, since they'd gone home together. As to why they'd gone was beyond her. Sylfie had said 'graduation', but not been too clear. Maybe one of them had finished a craft apprenticeship and they'd had a short vacation. Or perhaps their previous weyr was the type that aged candidates out earlier. Though she hadn't thought Sylfie was that old...

Being called brave drove her wonderings right out of mind. Her? Brave? She felt the faintest curl of bashfulness, and she found herself briefly unable to look at her new friend. "Riders are brave. Fighting thread, saving Pern. I don't think I'm terribly brave. But maybe, one day, if a dragon picks me, I will be." And if your dragon liked you, that was all that mattered, right? Well. No. Not right. But she was sure having someone always on your side would help a lot with everything else.

It made dragons sound rather appealing, that was certain.

"Well. Well good." No one needed to be rude. And hopefully no one was talking behind Sylfie's back either. She...was fairly sure a few whispers about herself were out there, but she was...pretty sure nothing really bad could be in them. What would they say? That she was quiet? That was true, after all.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

"Hes is m-my dragon," she answered, fretting at the edge of her sleeve with short-clipped fingernails. "Hesperith." Just, you know, a dragon. No big deal, right? Zelaya...wouldn't be upset that she'd been talking to a rider this whole time, would she? Not that Sylfie had been actively trying to pretend not to be, but, well...she'd never been one to introduce herself as 'so-and-so of color dragonth,' unlike so many who were happy to do just that. That could make it sound like she was important, or thought she was, when she was no such thing.

"I think- I think most of them are probably brave," she worried, having felt no such thing ever in her life. "But it scares me. I don't...I'm not sure I would have stood, if Thread had been back then. So you are braver than me, I think."

ShinosBee

 

[ShinosBee]

For just a moment Zelaya felt a curl of fear twist in the pit of her stomach. Sylfie was a rider! And she, she hadn’t even bothered to salute the woman! Of course, by the time she’d finished taking a breath she had the sense to see that Sylfie looked just about as worried as Zelaya felt in the moment. Was she...shy to be a rider? Talk of bravery and would-have-wouldn’t-have aside, her own fear melted as she rapidly thought back. Hadn’t they just talked about how sometimes people would treat you differently for unkind reasons? Had that been what’d happened to Sylfie?

And now she was worried that her new friend would treat her differently? Well, while it was true that Zelaya felt a bit caught out, that didn’t really change too much. And plenty of candidates had rider friends, didn’t they?

“Oh,” she finally managed. “But...but you’re not alone, are you? You have...Hesperith...and all of us on your side.” She wanted to reach out, to offer a gentle touch of reassurance. But...should she? To a rider? What would she have done if she had no idea Sylfie had a dragon though? It would be unfair to harden to her now, just because of that, right? Putting no more thought into it, the girl extended a hand to lightly pat just above Sylfie’s elbow. “You’re just right. Clearly Hesperith thinks so. And, and who knows. If I impress, maybe some day you can show me how it’s done...and then we can tackle it together?” It felt like the right thing to say. And maybe saying it would make her feel as brave as Sylfie seemed to think she was.

Meepfur