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 Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:58 pm
Hi there! I'm not sure if it's good that you found this, but if you could,
I really need help...or suggestions... Thank you in advance!
Here goes...Well, when I was almost fourteen (I'm seventeen now), my best friend for seven years told me something I never thought I would here. He told me that he had fallen in love with me. I abruptly rejecting him, thinking of my own feelings. I felt strange and slightly betrayed by his confession for whatever reason...Because of this...I began to reject him with my whole being. He would call me repeatedly, apologizing...Wishing he could take back what he said...and I wouldn't listen...I was so scared and confused...but that was just no excuse.
During this time, he gave into the problems his family had. His family were all drug users, alcoholics...sex addicts.....And he followed suit...He was thirteen...He was even getting into fights and I worry that he joined a gang...He had always tried to fight against it. He wanted to prove to everyone that he was better than that, I think. Whenever something bad was happening at his house (like the listed illegal activity), he would come to my house to avoid it...but I guess I took away his sanctuary, huh?
Eventually, my conscious caught up with me a few months later. I called him, apologizing with every ounce of emotion that I had been trying to fight back for those months...but I was too late...He told me all he had been up to...how he's thinking about quitting drinking because he had drank so much that he threw up blood...and that his other best friend also abandoned him around the same time as me...
More recently, I found out that he's going to be a dad...He isn't even seventeen yet! I try to be there and listen on those rare occasions that we talk. He always tells me that I've never changed... Anyway, I just let him get off his chest whatever he needs. I don't try to judge or condemn him for his habits...but that doesn't mean I approve...I just don't want to upset the already shaky balance we have...I ran into him when I was at the grocery store recently. His face was missing small little chunks of flesh here and there...As if he had been attacked with a knife...He acted like he wasn't all together there (if you follow) and I think he might've been high...He asked if he could call me later to talk and I obviously was not going to object. And even though he may have been on drugs, he still was able to recite my phone number flawlessly (though a little slower than usual). When I commented on his impressive memory, all he said was, "I've never forgotten your phone number"
Those words alone broke my heart over again...
Even now, I'm writing this, sobbing at how horribly I ruined his life. I was just so selfish that I no longer worried about MY BEST FRIEND...And now look what I did to him! I broke him and left him to rot as he has. His mind, body and soul were corrupted because of my horrible actions. I might as well have killed him, huh?
So, this begs the question: How can I help this? In what manner can I seek redemption? I'd do anything and I mean anything if it meant my best friend could be happy, healthy and safe again. ANYTHING.
Just give me any sort of suggestion, please! I just want to undo all of what I've done...but since that's impossible, I at least want to fix what I can or redeem myself in whatever way necessary...
That said, any ideas?
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Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 2:49 pm
Wow that's some heavy drama, let's see what I can do.
Alright, so, maybe he should get help besides yours, no offense. But what your doing, talking with him and such, is good. And it's not your fault! Never blame yourself for things, it's unhealthy. (Sorry if I'm not making anything better, I'm blunt, that's how I work.) It's not like you really made him do anything, it was his choices, but you can help him. Be the key to his salvation and all that jazz. (lulz, jazz.....not helping sorry.) Just, don't be hard on yourself, that way you can help more. Okay. P.M. me if you just want to talk, I'm kinda good with this stuff. I'm called a psychologist often around my parts. So, just hang in there, and help as much as you can, and for God's sake, never give up on him or yourself. And, obviously, call and talk with him as much as you can.
Thanks for taking my advice if you do. I'm always here to help, remember that.
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 10:27 am
I know it's hard to find a place to start, especiallyif the situation really is as horrible as you say (I won't point fingers at you there).
I would say that you get involved in his family. If the rest of your family can be supportive as well to help his family, let them be! However, like him know that you really want to try and help him. Be the best friend you can be. You might call it re-living those moments back a few years ago with your best friend again. You feel that you've gotten him into these problems, so grab a stick, hand it to him, and pull him outta that terrible puddle of mud. Don't give up hope on him, and most of all, don't give up hope on yourself. It seems that he really loves you, so show that you love him back. It doesn't have to be romantically, but show that you care strongly about his relationship. If he doesn't listen or doesn't believe, the most you could do is leave the door open for him to come anytime he needs to.
That's all I can think of right now, but I hope you get him out of this mess. Best wishes.
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 3:40 pm
It isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. He chose to make those decisions. There are a million other things he could've done besides drugs and sex.
In my opinion, the best thing to do now, is just to be there and support him. Try and persuade him to quit drugs. It may not work, I know from experience, but its the only thing you can really do, and maybe, it'll eventually work. Suggesting a different thing to do instead of the drugs might help, and whatever you do, please try to make sure he isn't high around his kid. It may help him cope, but it's not fair to the kid. Also, I have to ask, what drugs do you think he does? Some drugs really aren't that bad, but you make it sound more serious than just weed.
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:22 am
be there for him. that's all you really can do.
and it's not your fault. you may have hurt him, but he made the choice's he's made. he decided to get into all of this trouble. blaming yourself will not change the decisions he's made for himself. all you can do now is make sure he knows that you are there for him whenever he needs it.
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:48 am
QUW00SH It isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. He chose to make those decisions. There are a million other things he could've done besides drugs and sex. In my opinion, the best thing to do now, is just to be there and support him. Try and persuade him to quit drugs. It may not work, I know from experience, but its the only thing you can really do, and maybe, it'll eventually work. Suggesting a different thing to do instead of the drugs might help, and whatever you do, please try to make sure he isn't high around his kid. It may help him cope, but it's not fair to the kid. Also, I have to ask, what drugs do you think he does? Some drugs really aren't that bad, but you make it sound more serious than just weed. ...Well...I'm not quite sure...I'm not exactly an expert on drugs, so I wouldn't know the signs if they were to hit me on the head. However, my gut is telling me that he might've have gotten himself mixed up into quite a bit...But again, I can't really say. Lately, when we talk or I bump into him, he seems a bit...hazy. I think that's the best way to describe it...Frankly, I'm in way over my head. I feel like a five year old who was instructed by a teacher to build a scale model of the Universe...in ten minutes!
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Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 8:10 am
First of all I have to say this. What he has done to himself is not your fault! Don't take that too harshly, but you are not the person who controls his actions. He is. Just becuase you said you do not love him does not mean it is all your fault. You hurt his feelings and he reacted very badly. You can make up for what you have done though. Try to help get him into rehab, he probably won't go, but if you are patient and show that you are there for him he might give in. The chunks missing from his face sound like it could be cocaine. If they look like deep pock marks then it is. It's a sad world, but when you come from an addictive family it is almost impossible to break the curse. Jut remember though, it is not the end of the world, you did not cause this. He caused it. He was the one who decided to do this to himself. Once again, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I have had hard times too and I finally realized it is not because of me. It is because of people. They think they can control others when they can't even control themself. You should just take one little step at a time with him. Maybe a shrink first, then groups, AA and rehab. It will take time.
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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:17 pm
It's going to take a lot of work to get him back up on this two feet you know. But i don't think that u should stress urself out too much over this okay. But u shouldn't have left him even if he had told u that he liked u. But all u can do now is try ur best to help him out u can't really do anything else then that.
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 12:32 am
Don't blame yourself. There was quite a bit of circumstance there too (the falling out with the other best friend and bad family circumstances). When you guys reconciled after a few months, with your renewed support he could have cleaned up his act if he really wanted to. The best thing is to keep being supportive and hope for the best.
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 7:00 pm
i'm not even sure if this relationship can truly be salvaged, because it had become a one sided love relationship when he said he loved you, and now it seems to have gotten a lot worse because of it. and how many thirteen year olds know how to deal with a comment such as that (in, in his case, the emotions? he may have been looking for a way out through you, which isn't fair on your part)? i would have reacted the same way when i was that age.
you can be there and nudge him in the right direction, but i think that is about all you can do, and maybe that's it. if you feel the same way he does/did, then you can work that out.
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