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 Posted: Sat May 23, 2009 5:01 pm
All right. So here we go.
About a month or two ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. Needless to say, I was crushed. I had had the feeling, but I wasn't prepared for it at all. I was still head over heels in love (and I do mean love, as I know many of you will say it isn't really love etc. etc. Yes, I am 17 and perhaps it's not the same love I will find at 20-something or older that makes me want to marry, but it was love all the same. My first love, in fact.).
For a while, I tried to be angry. But all I could feel was this empty, horrible unbearable sadness. I felt abandoned and mistreated (he had been gone for a while; I'd waited for him. He'd come back and broken up with me that same day). Finally, I decided that I would at least be friends with him. He makes me laugh like nobody else, and I couldn't imagine not having that, even if it wasn't love. That seemed to work, oddly enough. The painful feeling receded a bit, I could smile and talk to him again, etc. He seemed relieved too, and even told me how glad he was that we were friendly with one another.
Now here comes the problem.
There's a girl. She was an ex of his. He had told me that she was manipulative and a bit of a slut. Well guess who he's run to as his next girlfriend? I had disliked her before I had even thought of dating this guy, mostly because of her petty, nasty personality. Once they started dating, and she started hanging all over him like a second skin, though? I. Saw. Red. It was like a monster was ripping out my insides. I have never experienced that kind of emotional pain before, and he went on oblivious, his hands all over her while I was sitting only a few feet away.
They broke up two weeks later. I was overjoyed, practically jumping up and down. I was able to talk to him normally again, laugh at his stupid jokes, and for one week I was my old self again, instead of the bitter person I'd become.
Then that one week ended. And he went back to her. And that is where I am at now. The monster has returned. I snapped at my history teacher because of this, even though he was just teasing me as he has done since I started High School. I usually just laugh it off, but I nearly burst into tears. I brood and wish the worse for her, even though that is completely opposite my normal nature. My emotions are at the breaking point once more, and I can never seem to get a word in to this guy who has ripped my world apart more times than anyone should have the ability or right to. And all because of her, clinging to his side constantly like some sort of cancer.
I need help. Don't tell me to forget about him, it won't work. Why can't I hate him, though? Why do I still want to be around him even though he's shown a complete disregard for my feelings (albeit unintentionally)? I'm not even sure I want to be with him again (my mother would never allow it, I think). I just want to know what to do to make these horrible feelings go away.
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Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 1:52 am
I'm in a very similar situation too, whenever I see my crush (a different story but a similar situation) with his new girl, the world just feels heavy around me, and I feel entirely broken - I'd usually cry in front of them.
I feel great empathy (is that the right word?) when reading this, and the best thing I can tell you is to rid yourself of all the feelings you've had for him before and move forward - not exactly forgetting him but the feelings you feel for him. It's very hard but if you don't do this you'll feel crushed forever because that girl you hate is with him and not with you. You really need to let go of those feelings as do I with mine as much as its tempting to hold on. I don't know if this is good advice but to get over my crush I wrote down all the flaws he has rather than the things that made him a virtue - you can go over your list once you start feeling that you're falling for him again. Another way is (this one you might know already) to surround yourself with things/people which make you happy to keep your mind away from those 'horrible feelings'. I listen to upbeat music and lyrics which are about moving on basically - I made a playlist on my iPod with songs like that. For me comedy is good too and also to have someone support you like friends, understanding peoples or people on gaia (hint: me) and other stuff like that.
Also when the guy's with his girl try to smile and maintain your confidence - show him that you don't need him or want him in your life anymore (remember that if you're still wanting him then that means you're not moving on properly!), show him that before never happened. I would also never give up hope when it comes to finding someone new.
I think that's the best I can think of in the meantime - and it may just be helpful for me too. razz
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Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 5:23 am
First off, I am very sorry for all that has happened. I have experienced something like this and hoping maybe I can give that little boost of confidence that it looks like you need. Just by reading this thread lets me see that you seem very mature for your age which is awesome smile . I am a person who knows what love is I have been in a relationship for over 2 years now, and I have already thought about marriage and so on. Its cool that you guys can be friends, It must be hard to see the guy you loved with another girl, but you always have to think about what he might be going through as well. I know it might sound crazy but he probably feels either like he isn't good enough for you, and or he doesn't deserve you. I am not just saying that to be nice, I am telling you that this might be a possible explination for it all. It seems to me that you two are very good friends even though you have dated, and there is also the whole thing about maybe he doesn't want to ruin such a good friendship with you, and I know that first hand as well. I have had the same bestfriend for my whole life, and we did date on and off for a while and it was cool, but you have to think about what COULD happen, and that was enough for me to keep it as just being friends. To tell you the truth we were BOTH heartbroken and it was hard for a while, but today we are still BEST friends, and the person I am with now I have been with for 2 years and it has been amazing. I give you the best of luck, and I hope you two can continue being friends and eventually without the pain.
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