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 Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 4:35 pm
I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. He loves me so much, and I love him so much. But I also have a problem.....I have manic depression, and with that said I'm prone to suicidal thoughts.
I used to cut myself, and when I told him this he became very worried (obviously) and asked me to promise him I wouldn't do it again. So I did, thiking it would be easy. But it wasn't.
A couple weeks ago, my parents found out about us (we met here on Gaia) and they told me I may not be able to talk to him. Feeling weak and hurt, I cut myself again. A few days ago, we got on the subject of my cutting and I told him. At first he seemed fine and told me we'd be okay.
But lately he's been getting very upset, and he ony tells me that "it's fine and it'll go away" But I think he's upset at what I told him.
I don't want to lose him but I want to lose these thoughts, I'm so scared and I don't know what to do.
I'm quite ashamed of myself.
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Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:24 pm
Are you taking anything to help with the depression? It's not something i now a lot about, and i won't patronise you, but my friend is prone to bouts of depression too. Though she has a psychologist and one of the best things i've ever seen her do is wear a rubber band around her wrist.
It might not sound like such a good idea, but it might help, even if you just try it for a week. Whenever she gets really upset and wants to cut herself, she pings the elastic band. It doesn't cut her but it helps her focus the pain, at worse she bruises. Her psychologist reckons that eventually she'll be able to develop coping mechanisms that don't require the elastic band.
Maybe you could try that? It might help you stop cutting. And i'm sure you're boyfriend will come round if you tell him you're trying. If he doesn't then he obviously doesn't recognise that its a serious problem and in quite a few instances the same as any addiction. Really, i know it sounds corny, but if he can't accept this about you, then maybe he's not mature enough to deal with it. Sorry.
Please just try the elastic band, it might save you some scars and blood smile x
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Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:06 pm
He's just very worried about me, he doesn't want me to hurt myself because he feels that I should love myself.
He can accept I have depression, it's just he wishes he could be here with me to help me adequately.
But I'll give it a try though, sounds like it could help
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