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 Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:44 am
I've got a couple big issues that I need to deal with, and nobody I've talked to seems to have any clue what to do about it.
I'll try not to rant or make things long:
Issue number one: Mentally abusive father.
I'm not overreacting, he's made my mother cry on various occasions from the tounge lashings he gives her when she doesn't do things his way. I get the same thing, and he constantly talks poorly about my brother when he's not in the room. It's sickening. This guy works in politics, so that might explain why he's so horrible, but I can't take it. I'm starting to develop habits I don't want to, like swearing and plotting murder. Sometimes some thoughts of self harm (Which seem better every day...What doesn't solve family problems faster than when a member has a horrible accident?). I even flipped him off behind his back today, something very unlike me.
Is there any hope for the situation?
Issue number two: Depression.
I was diagnosed by a doctor with depression a couple months back, and they didn't give me any medications due to some issues I've had in the past, but reccomended some psyciatrists to my mother.
Who hasn't looked at a single one.
So here I am, sinking deeper into it every day, any my father is not helping. Neither is the internet...Every time I find a decent group of people to hang out with and try to forget my issues, they end up shunning me. And generally making things WORSE. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid of people, and it took me a lot of courage to post this here.
I can't sleep, and I'm afraid of the people I consider my friends now. IRL, mostly.
Those are the two big sorces of my unhappiness (which is an understatement), and I'd like to do something about them before they drive me crazy.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 3:26 pm
First of all *huggles*
About your father. Does he realize the pain he is causing. I've found in the past actually breaking down due to the situation in front of said person can sometimes work.
Plotting murder, I know is a scary thought. Who is the plotting towards? (If you don't mind me asking), is it towards just your father, or your family in general? If its directed towards your dad that can be understandable, to think it. But you must also understand there has to be something fueling your dad's rage. Weather it be stress at work which is rubbing of on you and your family. You said your parents fight a lot. In no way do I mean to be rude or pry but do you think your dad feels obligated to stay with your mother?
I'll post about issue number two in about forty minutes. I have to go for a moment.
<33
Hope I can help in some way.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:08 pm
Depression is a very, very hard illness to deal with. Here's a web site that I think can help. The best thing is to understand what your going through. Possibly you could get family therapy...it could help with your depression, and possibly your father. Am I being of any help? 'Cause if I'm not I don't want to wrack your brain.
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:44 pm
First, yes the plotting is twords him. I try ti supress the thought, but whenever I see a knife I can't help but think 'If I make it look like an accident, then he'll be gone and I won't have to pay.'
And the only reason It hink he stays with my mother is because it would look bad if he left or something. He does care an awful lot about his public apperance, that's why he's so good at politics. Oh, and the lying that man does, I swear...
I tried letting it all out, and he only ended up trying to break the computer.
Oh gosh that site looks so helpful.
I don't think my family will even consider therapy and, as the youngest, I hold no power over anyone. That makes things even thougher for me at times.
I wanna thank you for coming here and such. <3
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 3:46 pm
Hello, I'm not a shrink, but I think u shouldn't let ur father get to you like that. When he starts his mouthing off u should ignore and let him becauseif he's into politics he has alot on his mind and will take out on his family. I know that will be impossible and aggraving at times but at least try. I would play games to keep my mind clear of bullshit, so u should find something that will help u keep ur mind distracted away from it all.
And about the depression,
I was in the hospital for 3 days cause I was stressed out. So how about a vacation for sometime, and hopefully u would feel better about urself.
JUST A THOUGHT HOPE IT WORKS FEEL FREE TO TALK TO ME WHENEVER U NEED TO. I'LL BE HERE UNLESS I HAVE COMPUTER PROBLEMS.
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:45 pm
Family problems can be really hard to deal with, especially if it's one of your parents. If your dad used to be really nice and you trusted him, that makes things worse. (I know, my mother walked out on us 6 months ago, I thought I knew her but I obviously didn't) It can be really painful to admit that they aren't what you thought they were, and even harder to let go. Just know that although it's pretty bad, you aren't the only one out there. The best thing you can do is (I know this is so cliche) talk to someone. Either your dad, or maybe your family. I'm sure they are feeling a little bit like you are.
Depression is another thing altogether - it's a really hard thing to get through. You sound like you need help - at least someone to trust. If you can't trust anyone in your family, and you don't really trust your friends, it's a tough situation but hang in there, someone will come along. The point is, you need to tell someone. I was bottling in stuff for 5 months, and after that I admitted life was bad to my friends, they've been really supportive. So tell them - if they truly are your friends, they'll help you. If they aren't supportive, then they aren't your true friends and you are doing yourself a favour by getting away from them. Just hang in there I swear i've been telling myself life gets better. It hasn't happened yet but I have my friends to lean on. What's important is that you don't give up. You are here for a reason, you ARE needed by someone, and whatever the hell happens, it isn't your fault. (That's the hardest thing to accept.)
And about self-harm, it isn't a sin, it just depends on your morals. As long as you do it for yourself and not for attention, it is acceptable. (I'm not saying you should, but if that's the only way to prevent you from doing something drastic and the only way to cope)
So all in all, you need someone to laugh and cry and talk to you. It's really hard but keep believing and someday that person will come along. If you need someone to talk to, I usually am around.
So remember: Somebody cares, someone needs you, and it's never ever your fault.
If you want to listen to cool songs, listen to:
March on by Good Charlotte
Stand in the Rain by Superchick
They are both really good they make me cry sometimes.
Hang in there!
Now to end with quotes...
I may look HAPPY on the outside but if you FELT how i felt on the INSIDE then you'd UNDERSTAND.
Sometimes when I say "Oh, I'm fine" I want someone to LOOK me in the eyes and say "tell me the TRUTH."
Everyone sees who i appear to be
but only a few know the real me
You can only see what I choose to show
theres so much more you just don't know.
And this one is the most important...
It's HARD to wait around for something that you know might never happen
but its even harder to give up, especially when it's everything you ever WANTED.
Hang in there, you're not alone!
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Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 11:14 pm
kk i help ed meh friend on da same problems...i guess.
i have da same prob wit meh dad.
talk 2 ur mom about divorce.meh mom divorced meh dad and im waay happier.^_^
weird thing 2 say but anyways...
and the thing wit suicide...forget it.its not gunna solve anything.
if u need a friend,u can be mine.usually people turn out nicer wen they hang wit meh alot...it can b creepy sometimes...XP
But yea...U CAN B MEH FRIEND!!! xp
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:48 am
Another problem arose: My dad will take no critisisim from anyone.
He doesn't like being told he's wrong. If someone points that out, he'll get mad and yell at said person until they want to bawl their eyes out in a corner. He even thinks I'm possibly the laziest person on the planet, and constnatly threatens me to remind me of this.
I've tried talking to him, but all he did was break my door. I'm NOT doing that ever again.
....
And can I call the cops on him if he threatened to stomp on one of my cats?
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:08 pm
Whoa, this really seems to be getting out of hand. you REALLY need to get help - I mean if he broke your door and is blackmailing you like that, it's getting pretty serious. You can call social workers etc. for help, or if you don't feel up to that, there are plenty of anonymous helplines that will give you the right advice. But you can't let it go on like this, you need to get help from someone. If he's blackmailing you so you don't call the cops, chances are he's got a lot to hide, but living like this is dangerous for you guys - if he snaps one day you could be in real trouble. This is domestic abuse in a way, so call a helpline or something to get professional help. ( I would, but I'm sorry, I'm no pro.) Hang in there!
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Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:54 pm
What's the number for one of these annonomous help lines?
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:17 am
Well, it depends on what country you live in, but I'll give you the website you can go to to find out what helpline you need.
http://hotlines.50webs.com/usa.html
So if you go on there, you'll find the helpline you need, plus other people's stories and stuff. Good luck!
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:13 pm
If your father is treating your mother like this, he clearly doesn't love her enough to care the harm he causes. Or he has a really sick way of showing it. And, you can call the cops if he's threatened you in any way. My parents are always like "If you don't do this we'll do this" but if he's like "If you don't do this I'll hit you or kill your cat" then yes, that's verbal assault and is more than likely covered by the cops. (If you can sue someone because they didn't tell you the coffee was hot you can sue your dad for threatening your cat, or you, or your mom) Now, if you wish to completely ruin his life without killing him, that would probably be the best thing for it. Normally I don't support the "let's ruin his life for abusing me" but, if it prevents you from killing him do it. Also, if you are ever in need of a friend who will not judge you, my inbox is always open and you can PM when ever you feel the need. The most important thing here is to remember that whatever he says, or whatever he does, is not because of you, as soon as you have any thoughts of committing self-harm (as you mentioned) and are very serious about, think about what might happen if you die, all the beautiful things you will never experience, the rush of jumping of a cliff(or if your not into that surfing), falling in love, and marrying the man of your dreams (you must also remember that not all men are like your father. THIS IS IMPORTANT), living on you own, having a full time job, getting paid, buying a brand new car, painting your entire house, holding your first baby for the first time. These are the small things in life everyone over looks but are what make us happy in the end....
I know that's long sorry, but that's everything I can think of. Remember, you can PM me any time. *hugs*
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Posted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 1:21 am
About the verbally abusive father:
Talk to someone. It can ruin you if you keep your feelings to yourself. That is what kind strangers and friends are here for: support. Just express your feelings to people. Get away from your father if he says something really stressful or hurtful. And, if it gets to the point you can't take it anymore: talk to your mother, a councilor, or tell your father it hurts your feelings and he needs to stop.
About the depression:
both my sisters, my mother, my grandmother, and some of my friends all have depression. they cope with it using medicines, psychologists, talking to friends and family and thinking of all the good they have in life. I myself have never had depression but I know it can really hurt people. Remember to talk to people you love or trust during bad periods of time. Try thinking of all the things that do make you happy: a boyfriend, or pets, or a favorite subject or hobby.. I know hobbies help my sister and mom really cope with things.. if this doesn't help perhaps you can talk to a loved one or a friend and ask them for advice on what makes you happy and such..
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 8:47 pm
Mentally abusive father: You can't really do much. Not very optimistic I know but he is your father who was probably brought up the way he is bringing you up. The only thing I hope is that you don't become like him but from what you've written, it seems you already are becoming more like him and hating every second of it. In that case whenever you wanna scream at him of flip him off just think of happy thoughts -happy thoughts not including murder or self inflicted harm- rainbows, ponies, ice-cream are good ones. idk whatever you like.
Depression: Talk to your mum about letting you see at least on of the psychiatrists recommended to you. If she says you don't have to stress the point that you need to and you need something to take away your stress and anger and in this case, finding professional help is the answer.
Hope I helped and as for the friends thing, there are many people who are prepared to be there for you and talking to strangers is awesome razz I tried to keep this as short as I could
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