Not sure how much more I can take

[Coco_Bunny23]

I don't understand life. One moment it brings you up and the next...boom! It pushes you to the floor without a second thought. So many times have I thought suicidal but every time I back down. I'm being tortured inside my own body and nobody knows it but me. So many different emotions are rushing through me. Each time I grasp a hold of one, another slips away.
To many times have I been prone to death. So many times have I injured myself. But no one knows. No one knows the pain I feel inside and no one will ever know because I keep it inside. Not letting my emotions slip away, yet every time they do. No one can save me, people have already tried. I try councilors, I try friends, but no one understands. They think it's just a phase but they don't understand how serious I really am. They think I'm kidding, since I put on a fake smile, they can't see how much pain I really am it.
I don't get it. One moment I'm pondering a question on life and the next I'm joking around without a care in the world. My life is a roller coaster and there is no one monitoring the controls. I have no one to lean on, they've all abandoned me. And yet I still come back, from my bottomless pit. My journal is my life, my poems are my emotions. Everything expressed in writing can't you see.
I'm breaking inside, writing it all down. Every little memory, I can recall. But still no one sees, the pain inside me. Sucking me from the inside out, until I'm nothing but a wasted mass. I live day to day, thinking about tomorrow. The tomorrow that will never come, since it is always today. Can't you see, the pain I hold inside. Can you foresee the wasted body, I am to be.
And yet everyone passes by me. Not thinking about me, or themselves but the person they hold in their heart. I am left only to rely on myself and God. That is all I need yet I still want. I deprive myself of all emotions as I realized the time has past. The time to look and stop this from happening to me. And even if you don't read this, even if you don't care...can you see what has become of me?
I'm not sure how much more I can take, of this twisted crazy life. Hopping from one place to another, writing frantically upon the wall. Everything changes, as the pain reveals itself. And the dam bursts, the one that had held me up so long ago. It was rusted and weak, and that was the last straw. My friends are gone, my life has no meaning, I'm left to drown in my despair. You might not read this, you might not care...but I will still be drowning, so don't try to save me.  

[Anabethe]

I understand what your going through. It sucks but the truth is that this world is ******** up. and the only thing you could do is bear with it. If you are already in the bottom i don't think it could get worse. sooner or later life will get better for you. I'm taking psychology classes and i learned that for someone to reach the top of the hierarchy of needs they most likely need to be at the bottom before reaching the top. hang in there. because if you give up now you won't have another chance to live life.  

[starblazer66]

Well, you have some of us on Gaia if ya need to vent.

I'm almost 25 and I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to end it all, be it myself or others. In the end I just hang in there because I still have some goals I want like becoming a mommy before 30 or getting my associates.  

[Coco_Bunny23]

It gets worse everyday. But day by day I bear it. Smile with the good deal with the bad. Up every night, sleep through class thats the way I live my life. Though I'm living a lie. I want to be happy, I want to be free but I'm caught in the middle of being a kid and an adult. Many changes I've gone through, good and bad. I've lived through them all, no matter how sad. Now I see, where the light will lead. Soon I'll be free. But do you see, all this pain I hide. Covered with a smile and a little white lie. Can't you see, that I'm dying inside. I'm still a little girl, who is being beaten by the inner me. I have my issues, I hold them inside. Afraid of becoming like a parent, from which I hide. No bruises visible, no scars around. But it's tearing at my insides, of what I have left. Can't you see, the tears I cry. Aren't for you or me. They are for the things I've dealt with, every last glistening drop. Each one splattering as they reach their end. I am like that, silently falling, not a peep from me. So I write in my journal, of these tales I live. Hoping one day, I will be saved. Don't you see, I tell no lie, unless you don't see. Then I try. Try to save you from me. For the beast inside cannot be tamed. Maybe you don't see, how I'm slowly dying, wilting like a flowed in the swildering heat. I have no grudges to bear, just the weight of the world. Pressing onto me, I dare not tell. So now you see, the life that I live. Never ending, a bottomless pit. Slowly falling til I am nothing but a tear, dropping onto the carpet floor. I said before, no grudges to bear. But now you see...or are you invisible to me? Just leave, I have said to much, I must hide. Til the sun arises from the tree tops. I must dream, until I awake again. This never ending nightmare, might just have an end. But I'll never know, unless I see. My eyes are clear, won't you look at me.  

[Anabethe]

I feel this way every day. but i learned that i have to get rid of the feelings some how so what i do is that i vent on my diary. i talk to my friends about my problems. i keep myself busy. being a teen is hard. there are going to be times like this and there will be times where you feel that the pain you were feeling was a lie and that nothing is wrong. you need someone to talk to. someone to be there for you. it will help you a lot and it will give you hope. giving up on life is not an option. you have to be strong. and find a way to let go of your emotions not pile them up because in the end you will snap and you will end up hurting someone you love.  

[Coco_Bunny23]

meleny7

I feel this way every day. but i learned that i have to get rid of the feelings some how so what i do is that i vent on my diary. i talk to my friends about my problems. i keep myself busy. being a teen is hard. there are going to be times like this and there will be times where you feel that the pain you were feeling was a lie and that nothing is wrong. you need someone to talk to. someone to be there for you. it will help you a lot and it will give you hope. giving up on life is not an option. you have to be strong. and find a way to let go of your emotions not pile them up because in the end you will snap and you will end up hurting someone you love.

I write in my journal all the time but none of my friends have no idea how I feel and think I just want attention. And the one person that was there for me...left. Just like everyone else. And the only reason they pile up is because I find it so hard to trust.  

[Anabethe]

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

I feel this way every day. but i learned that i have to get rid of the feelings some how so what i do is that i vent on my diary. i talk to my friends about my problems. i keep myself busy. being a teen is hard. there are going to be times like this and there will be times where you feel that the pain you were feeling was a lie and that nothing is wrong. you need someone to talk to. someone to be there for you. it will help you a lot and it will give you hope. giving up on life is not an option. you have to be strong. and find a way to let go of your emotions not pile them up because in the end you will snap and you will end up hurting someone you love.

I write in my journal all the time but none of my friends have no idea how I feel and think I just want attention. And the one person that was there for me...left. Just like everyone else. And the only reason they pile up is because I find it so hard to trust.

I missed one part and yes i understand about friends not knowing what to do. I wish i could help you in some way but im also in a hole. but remember this you are not doing this for attention. because if you were doing it for the attention you would be going around yelling im going to kill myself! but your not. you only tell what bothers you to those you trust. keeping emotions in is another proof that you are not doing it for the attention. i was just thinking about it last night. if what i feel is just my imagination and i came to the conclusion that is not. stick to your feelings. don't let your mind trick you into thinking that its not real because it will make things worse. by saying stick to your feelings im not saying feel this way all the time im saying to reflect on what's making you feel that way. if you can't find a solution the best thing to do is to distract yourself. that's what i've been trying to do. if you need someone to talk to you could always pm me. im on here a lot.  

[Coco_Bunny23]

meleny7

I missed one part and yes i understand about friends not knowing what to do. I wish i could help you in some way but im also in a hole. but remember this you are not doing this for attention. because if you were doing it for the attention you would be going around yelling im going to kill myself! but your not. you only tell what bothers you to those you trust. keeping emotions in is another proof that you are not doing it for the attention. i was just thinking about it last night. if what i feel is just my imagination and i came to the conclusion that is not. stick to your feelings. don't let your mind trick you into thinking that its not real because it will make things worse. by saying stick to your feelings im not saying feel this way all the time im saying to reflect on what's making you feel that way. if you can't find a solution the best thing to do is to distract yourself. that's what i've been trying to do. if you need someone to talk to you could always pm me. im on here a lot.

I write...that's pretty much all I have time for...  

[Anabethe]

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

I missed one part and yes i understand about friends not knowing what to do. I wish i could help you in some way but im also in a hole. but remember this you are not doing this for attention. because if you were doing it for the attention you would be going around yelling im going to kill myself! but your not. you only tell what bothers you to those you trust. keeping emotions in is another proof that you are not doing it for the attention. i was just thinking about it last night. if what i feel is just my imagination and i came to the conclusion that is not. stick to your feelings. don't let your mind trick you into thinking that its not real because it will make things worse. by saying stick to your feelings im not saying feel this way all the time im saying to reflect on what's making you feel that way. if you can't find a solution the best thing to do is to distract yourself. that's what i've been trying to do. if you need someone to talk to you could always pm me. im on here a lot.

I write...that's pretty much all I have time for...

and writing is a great way to release emotions  

[Coco_Bunny23]

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

I missed one part and yes i understand about friends not knowing what to do. I wish i could help you in some way but im also in a hole. but remember this you are not doing this for attention. because if you were doing it for the attention you would be going around yelling im going to kill myself! but your not. you only tell what bothers you to those you trust. keeping emotions in is another proof that you are not doing it for the attention. i was just thinking about it last night. if what i feel is just my imagination and i came to the conclusion that is not. stick to your feelings. don't let your mind trick you into thinking that its not real because it will make things worse. by saying stick to your feelings im not saying feel this way all the time im saying to reflect on what's making you feel that way. if you can't find a solution the best thing to do is to distract yourself. that's what i've been trying to do. if you need someone to talk to you could always pm me. im on here a lot.

I write...that's pretty much all I have time for...

and writing is a great way to release emotions

as you can probably tell, i write what i feel...most of the time. sometimes i just write a little something for my friends and things...  

[Anabethe]

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

I missed one part and yes i understand about friends not knowing what to do. I wish i could help you in some way but im also in a hole. but remember this you are not doing this for attention. because if you were doing it for the attention you would be going around yelling im going to kill myself! but your not. you only tell what bothers you to those you trust. keeping emotions in is another proof that you are not doing it for the attention. i was just thinking about it last night. if what i feel is just my imagination and i came to the conclusion that is not. stick to your feelings. don't let your mind trick you into thinking that its not real because it will make things worse. by saying stick to your feelings im not saying feel this way all the time im saying to reflect on what's making you feel that way. if you can't find a solution the best thing to do is to distract yourself. that's what i've been trying to do. if you need someone to talk to you could always pm me. im on here a lot.

I write...that's pretty much all I have time for...

and writing is a great way to release emotions

as you can probably tell, i write what i feel...most of the time. sometimes i just write a little something for my friends and things...

that's pretty sweet. writing helps more than you think. i think if i couldn't write my emotions i would have probably been insane by now.  

[Coco_Bunny23]

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

I missed one part and yes i understand about friends not knowing what to do. I wish i could help you in some way but im also in a hole. but remember this you are not doing this for attention. because if you were doing it for the attention you would be going around yelling im going to kill myself! but your not. you only tell what bothers you to those you trust. keeping emotions in is another proof that you are not doing it for the attention. i was just thinking about it last night. if what i feel is just my imagination and i came to the conclusion that is not. stick to your feelings. don't let your mind trick you into thinking that its not real because it will make things worse. by saying stick to your feelings im not saying feel this way all the time im saying to reflect on what's making you feel that way. if you can't find a solution the best thing to do is to distract yourself. that's what i've been trying to do. if you need someone to talk to you could always pm me. im on here a lot.

I write...that's pretty much all I have time for...

and writing is a great way to release emotions

as you can probably tell, i write what i feel...most of the time. sometimes i just write a little something for my friends and things...

that's pretty sweet. writing helps more than you think. i think if i couldn't write my emotions i would have probably been insane by now.

ive only recently started writing...though ive kept a diary for the past three years. it has a few entries but its helped  

[Anabethe]

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

I missed one part and yes i understand about friends not knowing what to do. I wish i could help you in some way but im also in a hole. but remember this you are not doing this for attention. because if you were doing it for the attention you would be going around yelling im going to kill myself! but your not. you only tell what bothers you to those you trust. keeping emotions in is another proof that you are not doing it for the attention. i was just thinking about it last night. if what i feel is just my imagination and i came to the conclusion that is not. stick to your feelings. don't let your mind trick you into thinking that its not real because it will make things worse. by saying stick to your feelings im not saying feel this way all the time im saying to reflect on what's making you feel that way. if you can't find a solution the best thing to do is to distract yourself. that's what i've been trying to do. if you need someone to talk to you could always pm me. im on here a lot.

I write...that's pretty much all I have time for...

and writing is a great way to release emotions

as you can probably tell, i write what i feel...most of the time. sometimes i just write a little something for my friends and things...

that's pretty sweet. writing helps more than you think. i think if i couldn't write my emotions i would have probably been insane by now.

ive only recently started writing...though ive kept a diary for the past three years. it has a few entries but its helped

glad it helps^_^ i had a diary since i was 10 but i stopped for a couple of years because my twin would find it and read it. now i have a diary but no one knows it exists^_^  

[Coco_Bunny23]

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

and writing is a great way to release emotions

as you can probably tell, i write what i feel...most of the time. sometimes i just write a little something for my friends and things...

that's pretty sweet. writing helps more than you think. i think if i couldn't write my emotions i would have probably been insane by now.

ive only recently started writing...though ive kept a diary for the past three years. it has a few entries but its helped

glad it helps^_^ i had a diary since i was 10 but i stopped for a couple of years because my twin would find it and read it. now i have a diary but no one knows it exists^_^

well I know it exists now ^-^
i've been pretty good now but im babysittin and bout to rip my hair out!  

[Anabethe]

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

soccer_kitty73

meleny7

and writing is a great way to release emotions

as you can probably tell, i write what i feel...most of the time. sometimes i just write a little something for my friends and things...

that's pretty sweet. writing helps more than you think. i think if i couldn't write my emotions i would have probably been insane by now.

ive only recently started writing...though ive kept a diary for the past three years. it has a few entries but its helped

glad it helps^_^ i had a diary since i was 10 but i stopped for a couple of years because my twin would find it and read it. now i have a diary but no one knows it exists^_^

well I know it exists now ^-^
i've been pretty good now but im babysittin and bout to rip my hair out!

lol XD you do but you don't know where its at.
that sucks i was babysitting 4 kids yesterday and it was total chaos.