• I’m sitting here, silent,
    listening to every sound behind the door,
    every voice outside the window.
    He’s gone, off to work,
    leaving me alone on this bed.
    They play a part, one handed to them by the rule book;
    1: make them comfortable
    2: make jokes about things he’s done
    3: learn about your lactose intolerance, and offer everything you have without dairy
    4: accidentally give them dairy
    5: yell at your children loud enough for them to hear you, across the house
    6: when he leaves for work, ignore her, let her stay hiding in his room
    I’m sitting here, it’s been 9 hours now. He left at 7. He’ll be home by 4:45.
    No bathroom breaks
    No food
    No television.
    I can hear them talking
    Why hasn’t she come out yet?
    She’s really antisocial isn’t she?
    Wow, he really knows how to pick girls.
    She’s so quiet.
    He won’t know. I won’t embarrass him like that.
    There’s nothing he can do.
    4:13pm. It’s almost time.
    My stomach is rumbling, my bladder is full and I ran out of water bottles.
    But I can’t leave this room.
    They come up the stairs,
    I jump
    They walk past the door,
    I jump
    They go into the back yard,
    I jump
    They make any sort of movement that I am able to hear,
    And I jump.
    My heart is pounding, I can’t breath when I hear their voices.
    Lower the volume on my show, press pause on the music, stop typing, stop breathing,
    just in case they hear me… just in case they want me to come out.
    It’s not them, it’s me. The cliche.
    4:15pm… Now I’m counting.I'm not waiting for him...
no, I'm waiting to say hello, without freezing, without stuttering,
without needing his help... No, I'm not waiting for him.. 
Just the support to speak. 
I'm waiting for my confidence.