Alone

• Artist: EternalMoshing
• Description: Just a little poem i wrote when I was feeling a bit down. Give honest feedback, and let me know if there is a way I can improve it. Thanks :)
• Date: 06/28/2011
• Tags: alone

There comes a time when you just can't stand it anymore,
When all you want is to be with him.
Know that you will never truly be happy unless you have him.
Hiding the pain, and faking a smile when you see him with those other girls.
The ones who will cheat, lie, and hurt him.
The ones who will never truly treat him like he deserves, when you know that you could treat him right.
Always be there for him, see him at his best even when he makes a mistake, but he won't see that... not over the other girls.
Am I not good enough?
There comes a time when you just can't stand it anymore.

Comments

[Emo Dullahan]

dont repeat to much of the same word, other then that
its pretty good keep it up :3

[troxtrox1AKAfencesRscary]

pretty good
dunno if its just me, but u do say the word him a lot...
at least every line until the end
i dunno cuz imma crappy writer so up to u...

[Tino x World Boss]

I get the consept. But try to make it more unique, and watch your words. Make the poem flow. A good way to make things go together is to Rhyme, but hey were not all good at that and thats not the only type of poetry. When you said "Always be there for him, see him at his best even when he makes a mistake, but he won't see that... not over the other girls." I kinda got confused and had to re-read. But I understood what you meant. Keep trying! Make it flow!