Survivor

• Artist: anonomoose
• Description: This is a poem i wrote for my friends Jeff and Clare. Jeff fell off of a roof, and Clare went to grab hold of him and she too fell, i wrote this the day after this happened.
• Date: 03/19/2010
• Tags: survivor

I can't believe this
how am i alive?
Bleeding on the ground
glad that i survived.

I'm lying in your arms
you have saved my life
you whisper in my ear
that everything's alright .

with your help i have survived
with shaky hands and a steady heart
i pull my self closer to you
and that is when i fealt my heart restart.

Comments

[bram toker]

The last stanza has poor rhythm, and you have a few mechanical errors, but other than that, very good.

[Scarlet_Teardrops]

Also, certain words need to be fixed. For example, my and self would be "myself" in this case. Also, get rid of the "a" in "felt" and change "alright" to "all right"

[Scarlet_Teardrops]

This is a pretty good poem. However, there are many things that can be fixed to make it excellent.

You need to use your punctuation correctly.

For example: I can't believe this
how am i alive?

This makes the poem hard on the eyes and also staggers it. Try changing it like this:

I can't believe this--
how am I alive?

[Adorable_Hunny_Luv]

Thats an amazing story
the poetry would be good if you revised it a little. the flow of it is a little off overall good though.