2nd time at poetry

• Artist: Taylorstar199513
• Description: all right, i got some good comments and some good advice from my first poem, thank all of u who gave me advice. i'm going 2 give this new one a go, and lets see what i get.
• Date: 08/25/2009
• Tags: poetry

all right i could reallly use ur comments again, plz no really hurtful comments, i'll take any advice on how to imporve my poetry.


I lost a passion,
Now i'm dashing.
I have to find you!
You're the only one,
who can open the window.
You have the key,
that opens the window to my mind.
can you hear me calling?
can you see me,
running blindly in the darkness?
Please come back,
and help me.
I was left in the dark,
everyone left me.
Don't dissapper,
come back to me!
and open the window to my mind.

Comments

[MiKipPee]

oh shut up kelita
smile
very nice poem smile

[Kelita44]

First off, please learn proper grammar techniques. Your poetry is lost to me when all I can focus on is terrible grammar. Also, you misspelled "disappear."

Your poem is a little choppy as well. You have good ideas, but you need to work on the execution.