Insanity

• Artist: elizacookie
• Description: This was a poem I had to write for my english class, and I think it turned out well. It's dark, of course, but that's what I thrive writing about.
  
  Please comment. I would love to know what others think of my work, good, bad, or otherwise.
  
• Date: 05/05/2009
• Tags: betrayal cheated death anguish hurt

I had felt insanity slowing creeping,
Controlling my mind, as the knife slid into him,
And the blood gushed over my hands.

Fury, revenge, shock, and hurt
Lingered on my tounge, bittersweet
As I thirsted for more of his unfaithful blood.

His desperate, shocked last gasps,
My- My?- anguished sobs and screams
Rang in my ears fiercely.

I smelt his betrayal,
Her perfume,
And his death.

After, when sanity returned, I saw his corpse,
And collapsed, broken, covered in his blood,
The shimmering blood that I had shed.

Comments

[Cottoncandyocbra3]

This is a bit of a stagnation in style for you, yet it is a solid style. The optical conceptualizing adds little to the work, this time, and feels more of a tacked on gimmick than an inseparable facet of the poem, in other words, needless. The imagery is still nice, and it isn't a bad poem. 3/5.

[tjenator]

wewooweeah! yeah, it is dark but very good