umm...Differance

• Artist: Icklejabob
• Description: My First Poem ever, i dont know what to think about it, because i've never written, or, for that matter, read any poems before, but my friend said that i should try doing so, so heres the outcome
• Date: 02/01/2009
• Tags: ummdifferance

sometimes i wonder
while seeming alive
are the breaths that I'm taking all just a lie
then i look at myself
find the courage within
to hunt for the meaning
dug deep in my skin

in the roots of the darkness
the light shines through
past the large gates that divide
whats me from whats you
in culture we find
that in passion it lies
to see the road deeper than than our eyes can provide

deep and unconscious
the meaning seems clear
all the love in the world could not dissapear
but only be tainted
by the horrors that say
when the world is turned backwards
we find only dismay

get to the end of the road you will see
that love is not different in you or in me
who cries in the darkness so cold and alone
can find there own feet by the end of the song
dont turn dont skip or just dissapear
my message to you is fight off the fear
that plagues your soul with the gental touch
from the conditions of life that ride next to us

Comments

[NakedJack]

The concept of artistic credit, you wrote this, every word was picked by you for a reason. That is as much credit as one could get. So now matter how dumb it sounds to another, if you have full credit, then it must be over their heads to get how its art. Not just good writing, but good art as well. I don't know if that describes you fully, but this is spectacular art, so I don't know if the word choices should be commented on.

[Icklejabob]

thanks, ill keep it in mind

[aL ycious]

Um, word choice and rhythm needs work. You'll get the hang of it eventually.

[Desiccated Devotion]

This is amazing, you should definitely do some more poetry! Its incredibly deep, also. I love it! 5 stars.