• I can honestly say that I am torn in half. I have no idea as to what to say. I feel as though the world around me is fading away, or at least I wish it was. I can’t believe myself, how stupid and selfish, and so naïve. So far as now I wish I could disappear. I can’t even tell myself the truth. I tried to tell him and he didn’t believe me. I put my friends through hell and it doesn’t even seem worth it. The tears that fell I can not explain. Perhaps I was sad. I was jealous. I was angry. I was depressed, I was heart broken. Why did I think, envision such a lie. I like him and I thought he liked me. How wrong was I? I can’t even describe it, the moment I found out I did not believe it, it did not penetrate me. It was like my disbelief formed a barrier in which reality could not penetrate. I kept telling myself lies, that it wasn’t real, but inside I knew- I knew my heart was breaking and even now it hasn’t ended. I want to be comforted, to be consoled, but I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have. They were so kind to me, they wanted to help, they cried with me, but that didn’t help. I put on a mask of happiness that it did work so as for them to believe that what they had done was a miracle, that their work was not in vain, but it was. It was completely and utterly hopeless. The tears still continue to come but I hide them like a thief hides gold. I didn’t want to hurt them, I will continue to hurt but will forever never admit to it. My lies will be my redemption, my deceit my condolence, my grief my fortitude, my pain my friend. Oh how I wish to be forever away, to never be looked upon for if then I must again cheat myself in happiness. It is like a petty game of cat and mouse. And I do not know how long I can evade their attempts to insure my well being. If they really did care they would flee, flee like all the others so I will be truly alone. If they really did care they would help end it, and to do so… would guarantee my death. But I know even now they will not concede to my wishes, so I will do it myself, I will be saved. Good bye my almost happiness.