• Dear Anne…
    She may have seemed like you average teen on a normal day. At school, at the mall and anywhere else a teen would go. She may seem just like any girl in this day and age. To the people who knew her smile and embrace. She was special, whether it was blood related or not. She was still a human being that breathed. She was part of life, my life. To Shawn she was the world to you; she was the light of your day, the smile on your face, the love in your heart, and the life in our soul. You loved her more than anyone could. I could compare my old life to your life and get a million answers that will never be read.
    When you told me about it, I tried to smile. I was telling you its going to be ok. It’s not ok and you knew that. I was going to drop dead. It was unbearable; I was the first to know out of our group. You even told me I couldn’t tell anyone else. Then you left, I began to cry. I couldn’t handle it on my own. I called up Kalonte and he picked up. I was whispering to him thinking about you and talking about you. The pressure built up by the second. I asked him “Do you tell Shawn everything?” I paused; he said “Yeah, were best friends.” My voice was cracking he could hear the sniffles and gasps. I could feel the tears building up even more. He asks me “Are you ok?” I told him a little bit more about you but not the secret. I promised you and ill keep it. The tears were over flowing. I didn’t want him to hear anymore, I cried into my sleeve. He still heard it; he says my name in a soft voice. The pressure got heavier and I hung up on him. I frantically call you; I told you that you should tell everyone else. I shouldn’t be the only one who knows. I also told you that I can tell Kalonte and Daniel but you have to tell Shawn you’re self. He deserved to hear it from you not me. You agreed.
    When you were telling Shawn, he was acting stupid. He was acting stupid while you quietly cried into the phone. I had to tell him. I had to tell him something that was not even mine to say. It killed me to have to say it to him. You just didn’t have enough strength. You barely had enough strength to get through the day with the weight on your shoulders. I know how much you loved Shawn. You didn’t want him to feel the pain you were feeling.
    When we told Shawn it felt like his heart stopped. He just shut down. Too shocked too cry, too sad to breathe, too quiet to speak up. All he did was get up quietly and in a small voice, almost a whisper. “Ill be right back.” It didn’t matter; we knew what you were going to do. You were stepping outside to punch a wall until your knuckles bleed. We knew he was going to break down. We knew he was going to get something sharp and just cut. He was so numb from the shock. He didn’t feel the razor going across his chest. He was spelling your name “Anne”. It never hurt; he kept running the razor over the same cut. He did it four times. He must have felt the blood slither down his chest. It was lucky he didn’t die of blood loss. He wanted to feel your pain. Anne, you knew about Shawn’s problem. When he hurt him self so would you. The cycle won’t stop until your both dead. I could just blame Shawn or I could just blame you. It was both of your faults.
    All you could manage to do was cry. When ever you cried it only seemed to be in front of me, not your family. The gasp’s in between each word. You were trying to say something, but… nothing came out. I hate it when you say “I don’t deserve to live.” Or “I regret meeting you. I love you so much. I’m sorry for causing you so much pain. I wasn’t shocked, it just hurt. It pained me even more than a shattered heart because you could always fix a broken heart. That’s how much its going hurt and the pain will never stop. I hated the pain, everyone did. Every time we talked you forced a smile. Trying to laugh and make it ok.
    We talked one last time after that, I heard your voice one last time. I wanted to be with you one last time and never let go of our friendship. We were supposed to be friends forever! What happened? There’s nothing I can do. Well, there is but its just crying. I’m always wishing for hope. Your un-curable cruel fate is not your fault. Fate could have chosen anyone else. It had to be you. Anne, you know we’ll always love you. Don’t let go of us because we wont, I promise. 5 weeks after that you quit life, you quit on us. I called you phone call after phone call; you would pick up and then hang up quickly. I finally stopped and I cried for 3 days straight.
    I hated life… I hate you. Not because I thought you hated me or because you quit on us. It was because you wouldn’t let us in; you wouldn’t let us be with you. I miss you, even if you’re gone or when everyone has left; ill be here.
    After those 3 days I went back to reality. I talked to friends and family again. Sometimes I smiled, sometimes I nodded. The entire time I could only think of you. I was wondering where you are. What could you be doing right now? How is your entire family? What really hit me was what are you thinking about?
    You didn’t blame Shawn because you couldn’t, you blamed your self. You hated life; we were part of your life. So if you hate life you mine as well hate us. We wouldn’t have met each other if you weren’t born! I hate it when you say terrible things that apply to death. Those words won’t haunt you, they’ll haunt me. I hate those words but not you. You hated your self for the little things, even if they didn’t matter.
    Daniel and I just wanted to talk to you but you rejected us a million times. A few days after that I believed you were no longer in the world. I wish you weren’t, I hoped you were smiling. You might be looking down on us or looking away. You’ll always be remembered as my best friend forever, my special best friend.

    “This letter/story was literally supposed to be sent to Anne so she could read it. So when I say ‘you’ I really mean ‘Anne’ sadly the letter was never sent. Neither did she read or know about it. This is an actual story that happened recently over winter break. The names in the story were never changed. I was apart of this.”
    In Memory of
    Angeline Anne Brookes
    There were no bad times,
    There were only good, amazing, and unforgettable
    To be continued… (I promise)