• Chapter 3:
     Fell
    Terminate

    I sit in the back of the car alone; the doll huddled close to my chest. I am alive. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Not twenty minutes ago did I think I was dead. The retake test though, was the most painful thing ever.

    I had to save the life of a commissioner, rescue a woman from a bomb I placed. I threw myself into a pool of ice cold water. I chose door A, of which lead me to death. The death on the other side just so happened to have been between Logan and Briella. That was the painful part, because I had to choose one. At least I knew they weren’t real this time. The choice I made hurt, but I knew it was the best choice. Briella has a long way to go.
    I shot Logan.

    The scene didn’t even change for a minute because I was crying so hard that I wouldn’t allow it. It was a mistake. But he wasn’t real. I ended up shooting the man again, I couldn’t help it.

    But I passed this time. All the other commissioners believed Tina’s lie about the interfering signals. There was a truth test being performed on a captured outlaw just down the hall, “intermixing” the signals. Whether Tina saved them in time, I’ll never know.

    Laying back across the seat I think about what will happen back at the convert home. Will people ask questions? Will I be able to lie to my best friends? Staring back at the reflecting eyes of my doll I hope I can get through this one night.

    But then I’ll have other nights to face, with a stranger. I’ll be given a future spouse, and I’ll have to spend the rest of my nights with him. What if he asks? I begin to worry about the answer to this situation. To avoid a spouse asking questions, you avoid a marriage. What if Tina turned me into an unmarried? Being unmarried means being alone, close to no friends, no family, and incredibly long work days. Despite all Division does, I would tolerate being married to anyone. I just don’t want to be alone.

    I think of Logan, and how he’s destined to be an unmarried. No matter what that is his future. Perhaps that’s why I shot him in the simulation. So he wouldn’t be forced to be alone.

    The car pulls up to the convert home and I step out, giving the commissioner an innocent but completely fake “thank you”. Checking my watch it’s about six, which means dinner time. The last meal I will eat here (I know that I will be too nervous to eat tomorrow). My final meal with Aria, Sienna, Logan, and Briella. I have to make it last.

    The dining hall smells warm, of fresh made pasta. It was Logan’s day to cook, you can always tell by how good it smells. Unlike me Logan has the ability to make the rations we are given taste good. While my food could be used to terminate children. I set my doll on the chair and begin to fill my plate with the pasta.

    “How was it,” Sienna asks stabbing a small hunk of chicken with her fork.

    Sitting down I immediately dig in, two Adulting tests in a row really builds up your appetite. “I’m alive aren’t I,” I say with a shrug. I can’t say it went well. I’d feel too guilty if I lied. This way it seems like a game. How fast can I answer with something vaguely the truth?

    “I told you that you’d pass,” says Aria as she puts a glass of orange juice to her lips.

    Giving a faux smile I look to her, “Guess you were right.” I then sharply look back at my plate. Aria gives the ‘I always am’ smile and, thankfully, ends the topic. “Adulting Ceremony is tomorrow. Are either of you worried?” Anxiously she begins to push her food around her plate in a daze.

    “I’m just hoping that I get paired up with a good guy, and that my job is decent,” Sienna plainly announces, letting her face rise up from her long brown locks. She looks to me but I shake my head, I don’t really want to answer.

    Aria interjects with a spot of happiness to cover her nerves, “I hope I get the really hot guy! I mean one of us is bound the get that really attractive guy! I’m just announcing that it should be me.”

    I laugh before shoving another forkful of pasta into my mouth, “Be my guest." It’s not like I care. I’m a rebel, so I’ll probably end up leaving him one day.

    “Personally I think it should be me,” Logan says pulling up one of the flimsy blue plastic chairs, “after all I’m far more beautiful than all of you. I deserve someone equal of my attractive status. I mean I can’t be seen with an ugly person.” Letting out a strange mixture of a snort and a laugh I slap Logan across the shoulder. “I also have a great personality.”

    Rolling her hazel eyes, “Let’s go back to the topic of reality. Fell, what about you? What do you think of that special someone,” Aria looks to me with curiosity. Apparently she hasn’t caught on to my lack of enthusiasm.

    I do give the topic a lot of thought, however. One day I might have a choice on the kind of boy I would want to marry. I’ll need something worth fighting for. “Looks don’t matter. I’d prefer for him to have a specific personality. He’d be smart, brave, compassionate, sweet, protective… loving.” I bite down on my lip, “Someone who’d be like…”

    “You,” Logan finishes my sentence.

    “Exactly.”

    Shaking her head Aria giggles a bit. “That’s not something you should worry about, Fell. That’s what the test was for, personality. They’re matching us up perfectly.” I agree acting like she’s right. But she’s not. It only tested us for being rebellious. Division is going blindly into personality. Sometimes I wonder how all of the couples get along. Do they all just think they’re happy, or is it something more?

    ***


    There are no chores for us tonight. This night is mean to think about how far we’ve come. To pack our bags, dream of our future, and spend one more night in the past. I find it amazing how all of my things fit into the gray duffle bag. My uniform, the few gifts I’ve earned over the years, and all of the little necessities. Either I’m a very good packer or I own close to nothing. I’ve decided to leave my doll out for the night. I need a reminder that everything will work out. I have Tina to guide my fate. My odds of happiness are higher than everyone else’s.

    “Felicity,” I jerk around to see Mrs. Valtine in the door way. “You’ve been requested.” I don’t know what she means by ‘requested’. When I look closes at her I see that her eyes are a bit puffy and that her cheeks are red.

    Next, all that surrounds me is a scream, high pitched, terrified, and innocent. Every nerve in my body is immediately alive. I’m dangerously protective. No one will get touch her. I’ll kill them first. “Briella.”

    Before I know it I’m running down the hall. I have no idea where she is. But I’ll find her. It’s like I’m electrified. It’s like I’m on fire again. She needs me. I’ll stop at nothing to help her.

    “Fell!” Her voice screams out at me as I finally spot her, being dragged along by the worst thing I can imagine. Child terminators.

    She’s putting up a good fight. Briella won’t go down easy. She’s kicking, screaming, even swinging a few punches. It won’t be enough though. That’s where I come in.

    Charging forward I retract my fist before giving on of the terminators a good punch in the shoulder. “What are you doing with her?” I give the other a jabbing kick to the shin.

    The one I punched turns to me and hisses like a snake, “Making an example of her Miss Winters. Pay close attention.” An example. Why Briella? Suddenly it hits me. They know I’m a rebel. They know I really did fail the test. But they know that in my second test I let Briella live. They know I love her.

    They know she’s my weakness.

    Just as I’m about to go for the terminator’s neck the other grabs my arms.
    We’re both taken into a separate room and the door is slammed shut behind us. They immediately strap her down to a table in the center of the room. I’ve lived in the convert home my entire life. And yet I was unaware of the terminating room.
    Briella’s still fighting; hanging on to the only thing she can truly call her own. Her very life. But she’s not strong enough, she can’t fight back. She calls my name, wanting me near. Just to see me, she wants me to be the last thing she sees. And they can’t reject. It’s called The Final Rights Law. She can have anyone in the world witness her death, and of all people she’s choosing me. I’m released and allowed to run to her side as one terminator holds her down, and the other threatens to keep me restrained.

    I half cradle, half cover Briella in my arms. I tell her that I’ll be here, that I love her, and this won’t go over easy. I stroke her frizzy locks of brown hair trying to be comforting and calming.

    A nurse walks into the room, bearing all gray eyes and wavy brown hair. The nurse is called over, her porcelain face devoid of emotion. But she feels, I can tell. She just can’t show it. I watch her pull a syringe and a vial of clear and deadly liquid from her gray apron, liquid Arsenic. She shakes it a couple of times, and quickly draws it up into the needle. Her skin looks pale and her cheeks are hollow of blood, unlike Briella whose olive skin is red and hot.

    As the nurse gets closer I lean down and kiss her forehead lightly, hoping that it will last through the process of death. “I love you, Briella, okay? Don’t forget that. I’m here this entire time. I won’t let them stop me from being here.” I’m prepared to fight for her. And I would, if I knew which weapon was being held to my back by a terminator as a reminder to hold my place.

    “Fell?”

    “Yes, anything, yes.” My voice is staggered and unsteady like the loud beating of my heart. I place my hands around her face and try to wipe away her tears, which is impossible because she won’t stop crying.

    Her voice is a low whisper as she chokes on her own breath. “I’ll be your reason for fighting right? You’ll be rebelling for me?” All I can say is shock, of which is soundless. But Briella just nods at me, “I know. It’s easy for me to tell. I think I’m like you too.”

    I’m crying now; face wet and sticky with my own pitiful sorrow. “I’ll kill for you.”

    I want to take her place. I even make the offer, but I’m rejected. They can’t kill me now, they won’t kill me. It ruins the fun of the game.

    I’m the closest I’ll ever be to safe. But Briella is as far away as possible.

    Once again I’m restrained as the nurse gently takes Briella’s arm and locates the vein that will carry the poison to kill her. She locks her big brown eyes on me, making sure I’m the last thing they’ll ever see. That’s when the needle goes into her arm and the plunger is pushed. The last thing I can scream is, “I love you.”

    Those innocent deep chocolate eyes go vacant and shut before I can comprehend it. Her warm olive skin turns pale. She had the world ahead of her; she could have been anything, done anything. I know that when she turned sixteen she would have been approached by Tina and welcomed into the rebellion. But not anymore. That was just dangling by a thin tiny thread. The thread is cut now as she’s still on the table.
    My little girl is dead. Terminated.

    The nurse has taken her pulse and proclaimed it so. Leaning down the nurse releases the clasps and scoops up Briella in her arms and holds her like a baby. Carefully, as if she were still alive. And then she looks to me, noticing how the terminators are too busy recording the data. She says nothing. But her eyes say everything. And her gray eyes aren’t those of a person who just took a life. They’re of those, who just saved one.
    But she’s a liar. No one was saved tonight.

    “I hope you heeded our warning, Miss Winters,” says one of the two. Towering over me he laughs while he says it. This is a joke, a game.

    Never before has my voice been so sharp, like broken glass. “I’ll kill you. You’ll be the first person I kill.”

    He chuckles, “Try and I’ll kill Logan. Nobody will notice if he’s gone.”

    Mrs. Valtine runs in, holding back on tears of her own. “I’m sorry but… what was the cause of Briella’s termination?”

    The second terminator doesn’t even look up from his clip board. “She was sick. We caught it a little late; it didn’t give her much longer to live.” I grit my teeth holding back on my instinct to kill him.

    She shakes her head, “What a shame.”

    There is one more thing that could make this worse. And to my luck that’s exactly what happens. Logan walks in. Getting down on his knees next to me; he gives me a supporting hug. “It’s ok, Fell. Everything is alright.” I tell him that Briella is dead, and instantly I feel a spark behind him too. His eyes narrow up, brown with a golden tint in the middle. They look right at the commissioners and scream without control. You should have taken me. I bury my face in my hands and let more tears pour out. Briella died because of me. Logan is willing to die because of me. I really am a murderer.

    ***

    I’ve stayed in the same position for over an hour now, huddled up on my bed, crying to the point where I feel insane. Am I insane? I almost hope so. Then maybe this entire day was a hallucination. Tomorrow I’ll wake up who I was yesterday, normal average Felicity Winters. And Briella, will be alive. But the chances of something good happening in my life right now, are one in a million.

    So here I am, trying to smother myself to death with a pillow, wishing I were someone different. Someone who was so utterly blind they could go through this day unaffected.

    “Fell? Do you want to talk now?” I shake my head no. I haven’t spoken a word for the past three hours. I’m not going to start by slipping a word to Aria. She sighs and lies down next to me, taking me in her arms, and hoping to cocoon me back to speaking standards. “Then just listen ok? I know that you’re devastated, so am I. Believe me I know how it feels… to loose someone you love with your whole heart.” Sweet little Aria, who could have taken anyone away from her? She’s never mentioned it before. And she’s always so cheerful. How? “Sometimes you just need to put every fiber of your being elsewhere. Maybe it’s into something, someone, or even yourself. The pain is not going to disappear, never. But you can at least fill yourself with mental morphine.” It’s the best advice I’ve gotten all day. To mentally drug myself until I forget about it. I’ll take that offer.

    “Thanks, Aria.” She says nothing more.

    I lie awake for a half hour until I’m positive that she’s asleep. But before I can begin to cry again Logan walks over from the opposite side of the room. “How’re you holding up?”

    “It feels like someone personally ripped my heart out.”

    He gives a slight depressed sigh before sitting down on the bed. “In your Adulting test, you had to choose Briella and me. You killed me.” I only nod. “I know how you feel right now. My choice was the hardest thing ever.”

    I try to wipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. “Who did you choose between?”

    “My dad… and… Blaine-Keegan. Do you remember him from first school?” I do. Blaine-Keegan was one of my best friends. I had met him one day when I was being bullied by another boy. I can’t recall his name but I know he had hair as dark as midnight and a voice that could send a chill up your spine. Blaine had come along one day and pushed him over saying that if he ever picked on me again that he’d kill him. We became fast friends, me, him, and Logan. That was long before I knew Aria and Sienna.

    “Who’d you choose?” I know the answer is obvious. Logan never liked his father Governor Enderson. In fact right after Logan revealed he was gay his father disowned him (but allowed him to live out of guilt). It’s the own thing Logan will ever owe his father.

    “I killed my dad. But right as I was leaving for the girl’s home I found out that Blaine-Keegan had failed his Adulting Test. I’m positive he’s dead. A life for a life, you know? He meant more to me, so it hurt more.”

    Dead? Blaine has been dead for a year? I don’t believe it. It can’t be. He’s stronger than that. He’s not dumb to fail a test, like me. “I think he’s alive.”
    “Let’s hope so.”

    “Logan, can I tell you something. You’ve got to promise not to tell anyone.” He nods. “I failed my Adulting test.” It really is a life for a life. Briella’s life for mine. Blaine-Keegan’s life for Logan’s.

    To me it seems, despite everything, that they’re both very much alive.
    But they’re not.