The Phoenix Child: Chapter 2

• Artist: Rogue Melody Angel
• Description: Please if you have any ideas for my book, I'd love to hear them and if you find any spelling, grammer, etc errors please tell so that it can be fixed. The content of the book will consist of some Japanese names and phrases so if anyone could check that for as I am self studing Japanese?
  
  Notice that the book isn't cronalogical and will jump from one time to another, and from place to place, this is the reason for the prologue.
  Please rate and comment?!
• Date: 08/27/2011
• Tags: phoenix child power live elements

Power to live

Running through the jungle, trying to escape; she fell to her knees, out of breath. But as if it wasn’t bad enough... He was faster, stronger and had more stamina than she, even after all her forced ‘training’ he and the other man had put her through; he grabbed her by the throat!

As she hanged in mid air, she struggled to keep herself from losing as she slowly slipped into an unconscious state_ She wasn’t about to give up this easily, she wasn’t prepared to be used as a...

Fire engulfed her as wind started howling as the earth shook and lightning struck and the sky!

“So finally I get to see you!” he laughed violently.
“After all the trouble the trouble we went through, just for him to be killed, and I only had to play a game of chase...” he stared at her; something wasn’t right!

He could barely make out what she was trying to say:
“I won’t let you have me...”
Water too was drifting about in the air_

She felt his grip on her loosen, and as she fell tears flowed.
“(Who am I? Where am I? What am I?)” She wondered as she fell into darkness.

Comments

[xXHeavens_Loyal_EmereXx]

I like it overall. ^^
The main thing I can say about it grammar wise, is to attempt to use shorter sentences it the first paragraph. It makes it sound rushed in my head and doesn't sound right.