The End Is Unseccesary

• Artist: D4t45t234m
• Description: The beginning of my new book.
• Date: 05/23/2010
• Tags: unseccesary

When they gave me the folded up flag I collapsed in a heap, weeping. I was pathetic. I was crying in the rain. Mud all over me. I was the last at the funeral. I stayed for days on end. Eating grass. The love of my life had died in a fire fight. The last bullet just happened to land on him. He didn't die swiftly. He bled while foam emerged out of his mouth. He sobbed in his last moments. His squad all died so quickly. But after days of mourning. I realized if what I was going to do was going to kill me, I didn't care. So I realized "god" would want me just to live with it. But Satan crept into my heart. I needed vengeance.

Comments

[Cynical Magistellus]

tisis good,kinda depressing though

[Razyn the Kitten]

this is an excelent start to a book if ive ever seen one frankly I hope to see more of your writing very soon because i can connect with the character very well so I salute you

[Lloid]

What I mean is your writing style conveys glimpses of the emotions and experiences of your characters. Perfect for poetry or emphatic descriptions but, it can get difficult to follow for prolonged periods.

I hope that didn't come across as overly critical because I certainly didn't mean it to be! Your work is great, and I wish you luck with your book!

[Lloid]

I... wow..
Firstly, I'm pretty sure I would never want to be a character in your writing. That said, you convey an impressive of emotion and description with, seemingly, minimalistic sentences. It's quite impressive, though it might be a little too... (I want to say "sharp edged" but sharp isn't an adjective I would nor... Ah, heck with it, it works.) sharp edged for an entire novel.
[Comment continues below, this may be a hint I talk too much.]