Tohru;s Last Battle

• Artist: AFZeeden
• Description: It's a story about a mother who's daughter was taken by mysterious people whom they have no clue about their powers, and when her daughter, and grandson go missing it's up to her and Izumi to find them now.
• Date: 03/09/2010
• Tags: tohrus last battle

Chapter 1

After the incident of Toshiro dying on Paratz Melaruis took Toshiro jr., and Yoshiro away from planet Paratz and back to earth. She went to talk to Toshiro's family and they agreed she and the kids could stay for awhile until she got back on her own two feet. Time had pasted and it had been a years since she saw her own family, and she got over Toshiro's death.Both the boys were now 10 years old, and didn't show any signs of being like their father Toshiro. She decided she would go visit Izumi so she said her good-byes to the Ukitake family, took the boys with her to see Izumi. When she got to his house, and knocked on the door a girl answered.

"Who the heck are you?" said the girl meanly
"I'm an old friend of Izumi's I'm Melarius is he here?" said Melarius.
"I'm his girl-friend Anna, and neeedless to say he doesn't want to see you" said Anna slamming the door shut in her face.
"Mom?" said Yoshiro seeing a sad look on his mother's face.
"C'mon let's go see aunty Karina" said Melarius sadly, and as they were leavinga familiar voice shouted "wait don't leave!". She turned around to Izumi running towards them in pants with no shirt.
" Sorry Anna can be harshg sometimes, but anyways it's good to see that you're doing really good Mel" said Izumi gasping for air seeing as he was out of breath when he noticed she was crying.
"I'm sorry I even came here c'on boys we'r leaving" said Mel about to leave when Izumi grabs her by the wrist.
"Please don't go" said Izumi.
"I can't I'm sorry" said Mel ripping her arm from his grasp, and started walking away with Yoshiro,and Toshiro jr following her.

Comments

[AFZeeden]

Thanks I'll try to do that this is my first story i ever thought of posting instead of all the other ones ^_^

[DreamWarden]

It's clear, you have a complex story in mind, at least a very deep depth of character interaction, however grammatically it had several errors as well as being rather hard to understand. Polish it up, make dialog and character interaction clearer and you could still have a very good story. Don't give up.