not like you

• Artist: Fallen_star_of_Hope
• Description: This is a new vamp story I am writing. I hope u all like.
• Date: 08/02/2009
• Tags:

"Alanna! What part of I love you don't you understand?!" I looked down. I couldn't look him in the eyes. "I thought that becuase I am not...." I felt the tears fall down my cheek. "What?! A Vampire?! I could care less if you was a human or vampire. I would love you the same." I looked up. His face was gentle. "You are the reason I am who I am now Alanna..." he said as he grabbed both my hands. He kissed the top of my head. "I will love you no matter what so don't think for one second that I don't love you." he said as he mouth traveled down to my neck and he kissed it softly. "I would never hurt you and never stop loving you..." I took a deep breath. his lips were cold. He moved them to my lips and kissed me. "I have to leave soon..." I nodded. "I will be here tomorrow to take you to the beach." I nodded. We would go somewhere every day. "I love you..." he said into my ear. "I love you too..." I said in a whisper to only he could hear. "See you tomorrow okay?" I nodded as he let my hands go and walked away. "Good Night my love..." he said as he walked out the front door. I hated it when he left. "You are not alone....I am here with. And thou your far away. I am here to stay. You are not alone..." my cell went off. "Hello?" I said as I answered. "Hey girl!" I hear Emma say. "OMG HEY!" I said as I giggled. "You still at home?" I smiled. "Yeah. You and Elijah coming over?" I heard her laugh. "Yeah. He wants to come over and see if you are okay." I smiled. "See you in 15 minutes." I smiled. "Okay see-ya." Elijah and Emms were twins and they were nothing alike. Emma was very hyper active and Emma. That is the only words you need to discribe her. Emma. Elijah was very much...him. He was always quiet, but he would cut loose of his friends and be very hyper. I smiled. He was like a brother to me. I smiled when I heard a knock on the door. They must have flew. When I opened the door...My eyes widden when I see....him standing there....

Comments

[bluefairy4ever]

i love it but i agree with nightmares and mondo it needs to introduce the main charectors and others ones and it needs to be set into paragraphs

[Rayven Mondo Bernal]

again i agree with another person. also alway make a caracter note on who and what they are. also make away for the character to be intorduce to the reader.
and look at mine in the arena just search my name. i think i could be an example of a charactor introduction, even though its a prologe for my main charactor

for the record im just a person who love to read and help young creative witers to get that push.

[Fantastic Nightmares]

You have a very creative writtint style but the bad grammar hides it. You need to divide it into paragraphs. And try to introduce the characters properly.