Spooky tale

• Artist: miss kellyann
• Description: my first go at a spooky tale tell me if its good
• Date: 05/01/2009
• Tags: spooky tale

It was 1920 and i was working as a maid in a grand castle, along with other maid we all had to do midnight shifts. Along came my go and i got to work. The grand clock ticked and ticked, it was a very errie atmosphear.

I got to tthe stairs and started cleaning them, I sudenly heard breathing in my ear, I quickly look around to see who it was, but know one was there. I though nothing of it and quickly got to work. Then i heard it again and tured round. There befour me was a a white lady in a flowing gown.

She held he arm out infrount of me. Scared i ran upstairs to the maid quarters. The maids were up in their bed rocking themselfs.

"Did you see her?" asked one.
" Yes" i said . I got into my bed.

" Its the grand lady, Died in the hallway near the stairs, died of a broken heart some same, husband to be stood her up at the wedding, now she holds her hand out to people to come with her " said a maid.

I felt a shiver down my spine. I remeber that night very well, the grand lady.

Comments

[iu7r]

I was kind of distracted by the way you worded things, and the off way you structured the sentences. Other than that it kind of sounds like a run of the mill ghost story.

[Pikku Prinssi]

It don't start out a "spooky tale" by saying directly "it was eerie," because that is pretty bad description. How was it eerie? Was it because the maids felt a suspicious aura? Was it because there were spider webs all over (although that means that the maids *aren't* doing their jobs...)? It's hard to get a story to have a certain mood, but it's executed with word choice, structure, and descritption. Try to make the reader feel like they are there. Use spellcheck too.

[GoryTori]

That made me turn around. xD