• CHAPTER 56 - CAN LIFE BE ANY MORE CONFUSING?

    What do you do when opportunity knocks down your door? Do you go ahead and take that opportunity, or leave it behind because it was an ideal choice? You know what you want to do, but is it right?

    Something cold and wet pressed against my forehead and then my cheek and after another moment, it pressed against my throat. I didn't want to wake up, but the water on the assumed wash cloth woke me up from being so cold. I cracked my eyes open and was blinded by the morning sun rays that crept through the blinds on the window. I was back in the bedroom at Akatsuki's apartment, I wasn't in any danger anymore. I sighed and closed my eyes again only to open them once Akatsuki lightly grasped my chin and turned my head towards him. His face said "concern", but his eyes said "fury".

    He dabbed my forehead again and sighed, "It's about time you woke up,"

    "How long was I out?" I was still slurring my words.

    "Around seventeen hours. Did those guys do anything to you before I got there?" he interrogated.

    "I don't know," I mumbled. I still couldn't think straight from the roofies that the men had snuck into my drink.

    "Arisa, I need answers," his voice was hard and his face was turning to the fury that matched his eyes.

    "Akatsuki, I'm too tired," I moaned and complained, confused as to why I woke up in the first place.

    Akatsuki grunted and stood up to leave the room, leaving the bowl of cold water and the washcloth on the nightstand. I rubbed my eyes with shaky and weak hands and stretched, only weakening myself further. I was feeling like crap from those roofies those guys at the restaurant drugged me with. I had never thought that would happen to me. Of course, I had never thought that my life would soon be ruled by Vampires and Werewolves and it still happened.

    I had never been completely worried before when I had lived with Kai and the others since they all had special abilities but now that I'm with Akatsuki, although he's a Necromantic Hunter, I'm more paranoid about everything. I'm more paranoid about myself because since I'm not surrounded by Vampires, a Werewolf, or Angels, I'm at higher risk of being attacked by anybody or anything. My paranoia is greater with Akatsuki, though. I know he's a Necromantic Hunter, but his skills aren't as accurate as the other hunters and he's only a human. He battles mankind's most dangerous predators typically unknown to humankind every night.

    Akatsuki doesn't have the special powers that a Vampire or a Werewolf or an Angel possess. They're over fifteen times stronger than he is, well, since he's slightly more advanced than a human, the creatures aren't quite that much stronger. But it's still a scary thought about his poor hunting abilities. I know he's still in training, but you would think that he'd have been one of the best after three years of thorough training. Distraction could be a possibility, distractions of the past. The thought of his parents dying as Necromantic Hunters must really put him on edge while fighting.

    "I'm making you soup," Akatsuki told me barely above a whisper. "You should get up and sit at the breakfast bar."

    I sighed, "Okay," and I pulled the covers off of me.

    With Akatsuki's assistance, he helped me out of bed and helped me stand up since I was still pretty wobbly and weak. I took my time walking into the living room. Akatsuki walked behind me on the off chance that I would lose all sense of balance and tumble over. I tried to ignore the tension in the air as he propped me onto one of the stools. The soup's aroma was delicious, corn and miso soup. Akatsuki pulled out the ingredients for onigiris and got started and I spotted the two cookbooks next to him on the counter. Conversation was absent and the atmosphere was somber. I knew Akatsuki was still upset and I didn't know what to say to console him. I'll bet he's feeling the same way Kai does after something happens to me; guilty. It's so obvious, he thinks he's failed as a protector. It's a feeling I'm so used to seeing that I could spot it from across the country.

    "Akatsuki, please don't be so frustrated," I pleaded, feeling more awake. "I can't bear the atmosphere of guilt I'm feeling around you. You did nothing wrong. I was careless."

    "I know," he mumbled, finishing up his first onigiri.

    "You're not a bad protector, so don't think that," I confronted, annoyed.

    "Why do you say I think I'm a bad protector?" he chuckled half-heartedly in amusement.

    "Because it's obvious," I told him. "It's so easy to tell when you're blaming yourself for something. Trust me, I blame myself for things all the time. But I hate seeing others blame themselves. And it's also obvious you're blaming yourself because you're acting the exact same way Kai does."

    At that, he crushed the perfect-molded onigiri in his hand and shot a demonic glare at me over his shoulder, "Do not compare me to that murderous blood-sucker," he hissed.

    "Then quit reminding me of him!" I blustered. "I'm trying to forget like you told me to but it's hard if you keep acting this way!"

    He turned his attention back to his meal, "At least I don't look like him," he mumbled.

    "What is that supposed to mean?" I asked behind a choked voice, tears welling at my eyes.

    Akatsuki approached me from the other side of the counter and cupped his large hands over my hands on the counter and halfway glared at me, still frustrated from the other night, "You have no idea how hard it is if the person now living in your house is an exact replica of your dead lover,"

    I shook my head and looked down and sniffed once, "I wasn't his lover,"

    "And you never will be," he hissed. "I won't allow you near him."

    I shook my head again fiercely, "You can't do that!" the tears poured on cue.

    "I'm not going to forgive him for what he did to you!" he halfway shouted. "If you go back to him, he'll just to the same thing again! If not that, then he will kill you!"

    "I don't care!" I shouted to my full extent, my face sopping wet with tears. "I'm still in love with him! You can't stop that, Akatsuki!"

    "The fact that you curl up in pain every time he comes into the picture proves that you're loving the wrong person," he hissed.

    "He only did this for the best of me!" I cried. "He couldn't bear the thought of killing me, so he spared my life! What does that tell you?!"

    "He will come back for you and kill you. It's part of the contract he's under."

    "Then let him!" I felt one hundred percent about that. "Let him kill me! I don't care! It's not like my life is a field of flowers anyways!"

    "You will not be put into that situation," he hissed again. "You can't trust a Vampire. And whether or not you're in love with him, it doesn't matter. He will still end up doing it."

    I lowered my head and cried more. I couldn't bear the pain that was burning through my chest, the inferno that blasted through me. Akatsuki was emotionally torturing me; he was the criminal and I was the voodoo doll he was handling. He pricked needles all over me but plunged a nail into the center of my chest. I withdrew my hands from his and curled up after wrapping my arms around my torso. Akatsuki rushed around the breakfast bar and hesitantly embraced me. He rubbed my back in small circles and tried to gently shush me. I knew he wasn't trying to torture me on purpose, he's not that kind of guy. He was just frustrated from everything happening.

    "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear and held me tighter.

    "It was something I couldn't control," I choked on my tears. "It's hard not to fall in love with somebody who's so...perfect." my voice cracked.

    "I understand what you mean," he whispered again with a hint of frustration in his tone.

    I knew I was angering him again by saying Kai was flawlessly perfect, but it was true. If he wasn't a Vampire perfect in every way, then I probably wouldn't have been so attracted to him. Every little thing about him was my everything. He was much too easy to fall in love with, whereas with a human it would take longer.

    "I just want to see him again, Akatsuki," I sniffed a few times and gripped his shirt.

    "Arisa, I can't let you be hurt again," he rubbed my back. "I won't let that happen again."

    "I know, but...," I sighed and wiped some damp tears. "Don't even worry about it. My chances of seeing him again are the same as the chances of me winning the lottery."

    "So you're saying that if you do see him again," he started out in a low, hollow tone, "then it will be as if you won the lottery."

    s**t, I probably shouldn't have made that metaphor, "That's not what I'm saying," although it was true.

    Akatsuki pulled back and gripped my shoulders firmly, "I can't stop that you love him, I know that," he sighed. "And I would try anything so that you won't see him again, but it's something most likely beyond my power if it's truly what you want."

    Was that...was that my opportunity? Was he giving me the freedom to run off and find Kai? No, of course not, he'd stop me anyways. He even has more control over me than I ever have of myself. Even if he did not have any control over my decisions, I couldn't simply leave him. We both had nobody in our lives anymore and neither of us want to be alone again. The only people we have are each other. I didn't have the heart to leave.

    "I'm sorry," I shook my head. "I'm stupid. I shouldn't want to see him so badly."

    Akatsuki didn't say anything about that, he only half-smiled half-heartedly. He pat my shoulder and went back to finishing the meal. He started constructing another onigiri after rinsing and salting his hands. It was quiet for a long moment and I watched his work in a daze.

    "I'm sorry, Arisa," Akatsuki started, breaking the silence, "but I have training tomorrow. I will have to stay the night there since it is so far away. Will you be okay here by yourself all day tomorrow?"

    I nodded, disappointed at the fact that I would be left alone once more, "Yeah, go ahead," God knew he needed the training.

    "Are you sure?" skepticism dictated him. Great, he didn't trust me now.

    I wiped away my last tear, "Yeah," I unwrapped my other arm from my torso after the inferno calmed down.

    "You know I worry about you, Arisa," he told me, not even bothering to make it into a question as he placed his first onigiri on the plate.

    "Yeah," I whispered. "And I worry about you."

    "But just because I worry about you doesn't mean I don't trust you," he turned to look at me and smiled half-heartedly again.

    "Okay," I smiled back at him, although the smile was fake.

    Akatsuki went back to working and I kept watching as he continuously looked from the cookbook to the food and vice versa. Even though I would be here alone tomorrow, with nobody else around, he was still trusting me. I could use that opportunity to find Kai, but I could never do that to Akatsuki, not him. I was a lion without courage. The feelings couldn't be helped, though, I needed to see Kai now that I was dwelling on him once more. I was at a loss, choosing between love that I can't spend forever with, or friendship that would last a lifetime.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    It was early morning when I woke up again and I was taken by surprise. I never wake up early. But now that I was up, I should probably help Akatsuki around the house before he got back tomorrow. I always was curious as to what Necromantic Hunters do during training, but I would imagine it was target practice or substance use or whatever those people do. Whatever floats their boat, it doesn't matter to me.

    I ate some Lucky Charms for breakfast, quickly, and grabbed my paycheck from work and made a list of groceries I could get so that Akatsuki and I could continue to have real dinners. Making out this list made me wonder; would we be living together like this until I'm old enough to move out? Or maybe we'd be living together like this for another few years? It's awkward, yes, but at least we both have somebody to talk to. I don't think I'd be able to afford living on my own anyways. Maybe since I'd be here for a while longer, then I should help pay for the bills.

    I grabbed my cell phone and spare house key and left the apartment. If Akatsuki had known I was going to go shopping, he probably would have left the car. I hated riding buses with smelly hobos and hated riding taxi cabs where all of them carry a gun with them. The taxi drivers on this side of town are gross and icky anyways. The grocery store was only five blocks away, so I shouldn't make such a big deal about it. The freaky thing about walking to the store on my own was that I could have sworn every tall man I saw with black hair from the back looked like either Kai or Kira. I would quickly turn down another street and take a longer way and when I finally made it to the store, it had taken me three times as long as it would have if I'd used the original route.

    I was an idiot; I had grabbed too many groceries for me to carry back to Akatsuki's. I went through the parking lot with my cart full of groceries and pretened to go to "my" car. Once I knew there was nobody in the parking lot and nobody was watching me, besides passing cars, I took off with the cart and hurried back to the apartment. I couldn't help but laugh when I got back to the apartment at the fact that I just stole a grocery cart because I'm too weak and pathetic. Ah, s**t, now I really am a retard; I hadn't realized Akatsuki's apartment didn't have an elevator. It was only two stories high so it was pretty pointless to have one. I made about three trips up and down the stairs and reluctantly pushed the grocery cart into the sidewalk...not that it looks inconspicuous or anything.

    It was a little past noon when I finished putting away the groceries and I hopped into the shower, opting to take a quick one so I wouldn't waste water and have to suffer for it. While in the shower, I realized myself slowly slipping into another depression. Kai was on my mind too much now and it was becoming too much to handle. I had gotten so far as to make him a distant memory, but it was all in front of my eyes now, every single memory and moment we ever spent.

    "Pull yourself together, Arisa," I leaned against the shower wall and allowed the thermal water to stream down my back.

    I hopped out of the shower and took my time drying myself off and dressing myself. It was too lonely and quiet here without Akatsuki. I had never realized how much I truly missed him. I was alone once more, left at a place where I was to fend off on my own. Of course, he'd be back...unlike Kai.

    I called the orphanage on my cell phone, hoping Chi would be up to talking with me. The phone rang for a long time until the secretary answered it and I requested Chi to talk on the phone. It was another moment before I heart muffled talking on the phone and it sounded as though Chi wasn't up to talking to me. After another minute of persuasion, Chi picked up the phone and pretended to sound sick.

    "Yeah?" she asked me.

    "Um, hi, Chi," I started nervously. "What have you been up to?"

    "Nothing," she answered right away. "Just been sitting here."

    "Um...," I didn't know what to say. I was at a complete loss; I didn't know what to talk about with somebody who was angry with me. "I...I guess I'll get going then. I forgot what I wanted to say."

    "Okay, bye," she hung up before I could say goodbye.

    I hung up my phone, becoming impatient with Chi. She was one that didn't trust me anymore. I wasn't telling her anything that had happened the whole seven months I was gone from the orphanage and that I won't tell her where exactly I am right now. And I'm pretty sure he'd have my head if I told her I was in love with my kidnapper the whole time I was gone.

    I was sitting on the couch, counting the pin stripes on the couch, and minding my own business until the front door was pounded on angrily. It made me jolt and grip onto the cushions of the couch for a moment. I thought whoever was at the door was gone until the angry knocking started once more. I was skeptical about answering it; it was too angry to be Akatsuki and I didn't know who would be coming here to visit anyways. The door was locked, but I was still afraid of whoever was on the other side getting in. I probably had no choice but to answer it anyways; it was probably a salesman on the verge of losing his job if he wouldn't sell anything. I opted to spare him some anguish and would pay him.

    I grabbed my wallet with my little cash left and warily unlocked the door. I held my breath and hesitantly opened it, expecting to see a salesman. What I witnessed was the last thing in the world I had expected. I dropped my wallet to the ground and stared in shock and lost my breath. In front of me stood the infuriated and impregnated Miku.