• She had never felt like this before; all the feelings. As she stared at him in his uniform she had a large hollow spot in her stomach; it was yearning for…..for what, she didn’t know. She stood there, as still as a statue, earning concerned glances from those around; they tried to give her a wide berth. In her head, she was going crazy. These feelings were taking her insides and tearing them to shreds. Soon, before she had time to run and try to escape the horrid commotion happening internally, he turned and spotted her. Smiling and calling her name he walked over.

    Her feelings intensified.

    “Hey, Jimmey,” he said, looking down; as for he towered over her.

    She opened her mouth slightly; afraid her emotions would burst forth, “Hi, Michael.”

    “Something wrong?” he seemed really concerned, but still distant as the line of other band members flooded noisily through the gates.

    “No,” she tried to keep her responses short.

    “Michael! Come on!” a voice called.

    “Be there in a minute,” he yelled, too loud for the pressurized brain of Jimmey’s. Then he turned back to her, “You want to come with me back to the band hall?”

    “Sure,” she said, trying her best to give him a real smile instead of a grimace.

    He seemed completely oblivious as he grabbed her arm lightly and took her along with him in the direction of the previously yelling voice.

    Everyone there glanced at them oddly. Not because they were surprised to see them together, it was well known that they had been going out for two years; but because Jimmey’s face seemed stricken; although no one pointed this out.

    “Took you long enough,” his friend, Doc, said. “Hey, Jimmey, you okay?”

    “Fine.”

    “I asked her the same thing, she just won’t tell me,” Michael looked down at her, as if trying to find her secrets.

    She ducked her head, afraid he might be able to see all the commotion going on behind her eyes. As she did that, Michael let go of her arm. That’s when the yearning intensified even more. Quickly she looked up, opened her mouth to plead with him to take her arm again, or maybe even her hand, when she froze. What was she about to do? Beg for him to touch her? She closed her mouth, but Michael had already looked down to see what she wanted.

    “Umm…” she stuttered, “You look really hot.”

    Doc snickered, and Jimmey realized how her statement had been taken.

    “No, I meant...uhh…do you want some water?” her cheeks burned.

    Michael laughed, “Sure.”

    Jimmey reached into her mini-backpack and pulled out the water bottle she had saved for him. He took it thankfully, gulped down about half, and handed it back to her. She put it back in the bag.

    “Thanks,” he said, tousling his wet hair, “These uniforms are really hot.”
    Glancing at Doc with a smile he corrected, “Warm, I mean.”

    Doc laughed.

    They then started talking about who was hotter (in the warm sense), sweatier, and why. As they did this, Jimmey walked faithfully and quietly beside Michael. She was trying to sort through all the weird emotions filling her mind.

    Then a flute player with long, blonde hair came up to her and said, “Sometimes I wonder about them.” She motioned to Michael and Doc who were now having a ‘poke-each-other-war’. Jimmey turned back to her and they both laughed. Then the girl walked away to join her group of friends, leaving Jimmey alone with her confusing and terrifying feelings. She scooted closer in Michael’s direction, her arm brushing his. Her eyes went wide as her feeling of an empty wanting returned. She looked up at Michael to see if he had felt it too, but he seemed un-phased. What was wrong with her?

    Soon they had arrived at the band hall. All the band students were flooding through the double doors so that they could finally be released of their instruments; until Monday, that is. Jimmey knew the drill, and nodded when Michael looked down questioningly. She was supposed to stand against the building and wait for him to return. Non-band students weren’t allowed in the band-hall.

    Michael and Doc joined the moving river of bodies and disappeared into the doors. Jimmey propped herself against the high-school’s wall and closed her eyes. The feelings were starting to diminish, but only ever so slightly. She just couldn’t figure out what they were. Sighing, she opened her eyes and watched the people around her; all sweating in the humidness of the summer night. The band members around her were smiling and joking, so it was hard for Jimmey to believe that it was them who had put on such an amazingly mystifying performance during half-time. They had all been lined up and patternized, but now they were scattered and clumsy. This dumbfounded her.

    “I can’t believe we won!”

    Jimmey turned toward the sound of Doc’s voice as he and Michael trotted out of the double doors.

    “Yeah, we never win. Football is our town’s worst sport,” Michael agreed with amazement.

    “Oh, hey, my mom’s here,” Doc said, tucking his one-litter Pepsi under his arm. “See ya Sunday!”

    “Bye!” Michael yelled back. Then he turned towards Jimmey, “We won! Can you believe it?”

    “Hard to believe,” she smiled, trying to hide the sudden pain as her emotions began to go into a wild frenzy.

    “You’re too quite,” he commented, leaning against the wall beside her, “Have you been taking lessons from Shug?”

    Jimmey let out a small laugh, “No, I’m just feeling…off, I guess.”

    “You okay?” he asked, his face beginning to drop.

    “Yeah, I’m fine, really. Don’t worry,” she tried to encourage him.

    There was a short silence. Michael gave an awkward laugh and asked, “So, how do you plan to get home? Is your mom coming to pick you up or am I taking you?”

    “I was actually supposed to walk to the church,” she admitted. “My mom had to work there today. I’d drive, but I have yet to get a car.”

    He laughed. “I’ll drive you,” he said, pushing off the wall.

    “No, it’s okay. The church isn’t far,” she didn’t like to be a burden on people.
    He narrowed his eye behind his glasses in his mischievously teasing way, “I’m going to drive you.”

    “Okay, okay,” she gave in smiling, her stomach’s hole growing along with her smile.

    “Let’s go,” he took her upper arm again; he had a tendency to do that; and led her across the parking-lot as her emptiness practically consumed her.

    Trying to distract herself, she glanced around. Only a few cars remained, most everyone had left for home or to go celebrate the victory. Jimmey looked toward Michael, his one-piece band uniform making him look taller than he was. It also made him look slender and more…mature, she decided. Then he looked back at her, his wide eyes innocent and child-like. That’s when her emotions took control.

    “Come here,” she said, reaching over and taking the hand rested on her shoulder. She led him away from the parking-lot and towards the corner where the band hall and main campus met; not really in control of herself.

    “What?” he asked with a nervous smile, her sudden directness had him lost.

    When she arrived at the corner, lit only by a flickering lamp post across the parking lot, she turned to him. He was about to ask what was going on, when Jimmey threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. At first Michael stood awkwardly, surprised and confused, but slowly he realized what she was doing; what she wanted. His arms wrapped around her waist gently and he leaned a little, making it easier for her to kiss him.

    Inside Jimmey’s head, her emotions had started flying around more rapidly. Although it was more confusing, it was pleasurable to her. All her feelings seemed to be flowing into the kiss, rushing through her lips. But all of her bottled emotions couldn’t be released by only a kiss. Following her heart, she moved her lips down to Michael’s throat; kissing from the hollow of his neck up to right under his chin. She could hear his breath, heavy from her intensity, shudder as she worked her way back up to his mouth.

    This time he kissed back with equaled passion; emotions flooding through his veins as well as hers. His hands wrapped tighter around her, hugging her as close to him as she could get. Her hands tangled into his short, wet hair. Their breathing got shallower and their passion grew. Jimmey slid her lips down Michael’s neck again, kissing in a frantic attempt to completely cover him with love and excitement.

    In hushed whisper, her lips moving against his throat, she said, “This is my first kiss.”

    “Mine…” his voice wavered and he swallowed, “mine, too.”

    Their lips touched again and she shuddered. This was what she had needed; she understood now. That feeling, that wanting, had been for him; for Michael. Now she had him; and he had her. Yet, still, the wanting didn’t leave completely. As a matter of fact, it had seemed to get smaller, but was actually getting stronger. That didn’t matter, though; she loved the feelings, now that she understood them. As they crushed themselves together in the summer heat, Jimmey smiled. She didn’t ever want this to stop. She would be content to stay glued to him forever. Still, though, she knew she had to stop; that everything here and now had to end. She sighed to herself.

    Stretching on her tip-toes, she kissed him with fever one last time, and then pulled away. Both of them were left gasping for breath. She turned and met his deep, innocent eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but she didn’t hear what it was; because she suddenly turned, and took off. She sprinted away, heading to the church, leaving Michael, her wondrous moment with him, and her comprehension of her feelings behind. Tears streamed down her cheeks, as she was lost in confusion again……….