• I begin to feel woozy. The floor from underneath me begins to move and struggles to keep me upright. My body fights against gravity as my legs have a mind of their own and I bring someone down with me as I fall to the floor in a painful fit of hazed laughter. A deep gulp of cancerous oxygen enters my lungs and the strong substance slid down my throat and went right to my liver. I stare up at the light as it circles around me in a luminous hallucination and a hazy figure of her stands beside me. She waves her hand back and forth in front of me as if she doesn’t know I can see her. She vividly reminds me of someone. I know it.

    One more turns into three more and thirty more minutes turn into two hours. The echoing beat of bass and drums drilled deep through my ear drums and straight to my throbbing head. Yet I didn’t care. The earth was moving under my very feet as a wave of mass simultaneously swayed up and down in time with the sound flowing through them; eventually taking over their every sense and eventually, taking over mine.

    I shouldn’t dance. My movements could be misinterpreted by her as something more meaningful than dancing with any other girl, something more lustful; but I suppose it’s who I am and I can’t help it. My present state of mind makes my decisions not my own, however the decisions of others. I alternate between the two slim, beautifully dressed hazed figures around me and I warn them no to fall in love with me. Girls have a way of doing that whether or not they are intoxicated by the one thing the majority of us have a sinful taste for. The sinful side of it is when it steers a relationship in the wrong direction; much like my last.


    Three years of my life seemed like it was taken away from me as quickly as I gained it and all because of another. Her luscious brown hair framed her extraordinary innate facial features, the mere presence of her made me forget everything that was wrong in the world and her touch brought my legs to a tremor as if she soaked up all my strength inside of me when I sunk deeply, willingly, regrettably into her passionately persuasive eyes. Before her I was told I treat women with disdain, but there was something about her which turned the irresponsible, dark sided and very much one who objectified women that was I into a tongue tied piece of clay who got love struck. I felt a sense of hollow angst the night I walked in and saw bottles scattered on the floor and saw her body intertwined with another. It was like a bad hangover which wouldn’t go away.

    She filled me up to the point where I thought I could explode. When the wish for words wanted to echo through the vibrating waves of sound and land on her ears to captivate her attention, however these words couldn’t quite grasp the courage to do so. The rapid beat inside of me felt like it could leap out of my body. My pulse would increase as my breathing quickened from the soft touch of her hand holding my own and when she pulled me in closer to her and I could feel the warmth of her body penetrating onto me, it felt like a sense of sanctuary right in my very arms. She was everything to me.

    As she quickly fumbled from the love stained bed searching frantically for a piece of clothing I told her with blurred vision and a small pool of dejection marking my shirt that I could never love another as I’d loved her.

    Leaving the place I once saw security from for the last time, I walked along the cold, grey, hard ground which possessed my dark and miserable shadow. One foot followed the other as I made my way to the only place I knew would help me cure my woes at this time of night. The only place where I could find others like myself and where that sinful substance was handed out by a simple hand gesture. That place, was here.


    Another round was had by yours truly in attempt to wash me clean of the disgusting display forced upon my eyes. The echoing beat still takes control over the room and I move with the sound in a tightly confined space of bodies. She tries to slowly squeeze her way through the blockade surrounding me as if she was oxygen trying to get through concrete. I hear a faint squeal trying to plummet over the loud vibrations bouncing off the walls. As I turn my head I peer over the others I see her standing there. Why is she still here? I stumble my way through the barrier and try to find my feet once more, but I fall gracelessly upon her shoulders. She holds me up by my waist until I’ve settled comfortably on the still ground. The look on her face expresses two very contrasting emotions, anger and compassion.

    She explains to me that being a sleaze isn’t going to get me that one night stand she knows all too well is where this meaningless flirting would lead too. She called me a player and all I could do was stand there on my wobbling two feet and laugh at her. Her emotions increase as her body language soon changes and the fight between her voice and the thumping sound from the speakers sees her as the winner. The room seemed to stop when she uttered those finishing stinging words. The room seemed to stop as I fell to the floor after she uttered, “You could never be anyone’s respectable girlfriend.”