• Dear Teacher,
    It's not my fault I was late to school today! No, really! I'm going to tell you the real truth, no lies, no jokes, the real truth. Here's what happened:
    I was on my way to the bus stop when suddenly; a werewolf jumped out and grabbed me by the ears. He dragged me nonstop until we reached his cave. He threw me on the cold, hard stone ground, growling, “Don't move.”
    "O-ok-kay..." I managed to whimper. I had to get out of there, fast! (Or, of course, I'd be late for school!)
    So when the mean old werewolf turned his back, I slowly, quietly crept to the entrance of the gloomy cave. I was free!
    That very second, arrows whizzed right past my ear, close enough to hear them. I heard yelling and the sound of an entire cavalry at war. When I looked over the hill, I gasped. There were centaurs at war with the dwarves!
    Suddenly, a centaur galloped past me, rapidly scooped me up and kidnapped me, thinking I was a dwarf because I was so short. He glared at me, still holding me by the back of my backpack (Remember I still was worried I was going to be late for school.) and killing dwarves with his sword at the same time.
    I realized he was galloping me over to the edge of the cliff, for there was the ocean, crashing and roaring below. The centaur suddenly flung me into the sea; backpack and all.
    I don’t remember much from when I was drowning, only that I was sinking; sinking from the weight of all the papers and homework you gave me last night. I mean, really, woman; GIVE US LESS HOMEWORK! Plus, that explains why my homework is missing. *wink, wink, hint, hint*
    The other thing I remember is: as the very last air molecule seeped out of my lungs, a beautiful mermaid rose from the deep and threw me out of the water.
    “Thank you so much!” I cried after her as she dove back to the dark depths of her ocean.
    Knowing I was late for school, I got distraught, and couldn’t think as I wandered the woods alone, cold, wet, and late for school. I suddenly walked right into the door of a nice, old cottage, with the chimney smoking and the windows open.
    Praying for the best, I slammed the door over and over, hoping the kind old woman would hear. She did, but she wasn’t a woman. A kindly old hermaphrodite opened the door, smiling kindly at me. (A little too kindly for my taste. I mean, what are the chances of an old hermaphrodite answering the door of an old cottage and smiling? stare )
    Nonetheless, I asked him/her it where a portal was so I could get home.
    “Oh, well, I happen to be a wizard! Or a witch…whatever I am. I happen to be gifted in magical arts! Where is it, exactly, that you wish to teleport to?” it smiled.
    “I would like to be at school. I am really, really late! You have nooo idea how late I am.” I blurted before I could react.
    “Okie dokie then! AlacaboonamichicaloolabippityboppityBOO!” he/she it cried.
    Suddenly, I was here in my desk with you glaring down at me. It’s not my fault! That was the truth!

    Love, Evil Cookie Child heart

    PS-You do believe me, do you? sweatdrop